Mother Theresa once said:<BR>"We are not here to be successful, we are here to be faithful"<P>That sentence means many things to me. For all of us who have tried our hearts out, and feel like failures in our marriages, we should have faith that love is not dead and that we can raise our children to believe in marriage and in love when the choice to end a marriage is against our will.<P>It is also a message to those who were unfaithful in their marriages and who left their families behind. Those who think success or happiness is found outside the ties of family and who cannot be faithful, either literally or figuratively, or trust in the power of commitment. <P>My ex once said that his purpose in life was to be happy, so it is not surprising that he ended our marriage when he became unhappy. However, I believe our purpose in life is to learn how to truly love another human being, and to do that requires commitment. <P>I decided today that I would be open to love again in my life, but needed to take some baby steps. I'm just starting to trust (have faith in) the love of my family and friends, where I had none before. I hope one day to trust the love of another man again when I'm healthy enough to return it.

good luck, I don't see this in my future but go for it if you can.<P>This faith thing is difficult especially now but I continue to pray with hope that something will occur. And maybe just maybe my will will become or at least sink up with GODS will for me and my family!

hurtinginOmaha,<BR>I'm not ready to date yet either, but it is a big step for me to even think about doing it someday.<P>My ex and I were separated for a year, and we've been divorced about a year and a half now. I've been celibate and (with the exception of one person) have not dated at all since my divorce. I would love nothing more than to have my ex come back to me, even now. Even wrote him an e-mail yesterday telling him that I still loved him. Of course, I'm sure he has "moved on", but I had to throw it out there just one more time. The last time we talked, which was about 4-5 months ago, he seemed interested in at least staying in touch with me, so I don't know.

TS,<P>Baby steps indeed...just keep walking forward...<P> <BR>Bill

Student - Thank you for your thoughtful post. I'm glad to see your "baby steps"!! I, too, find it hard to believe that I will ever be able to find someone that I can trust enough to have a relationship with again, after what I have been through. I loved my (now EX) H with all my heart, forgave him for all the hurtful things he did during our marriage (lack of consideration, affection, respect, kindness, etc. when I did nothing to deserve such treatment), including forgiving his emotional blackmail against me. I kept loving him in spite of everything he did, while still trying to convince him to get help for us, and that I wanted our marriage to survive. Turns out that no matter what I did, it was never going to be good enough, because he had decided a while back (he said 10-12 years before he left) that he wanted to leave me. He ruined our marriage by his lack of love, participation and committment. You cannot meet the needs of a person who has shut you out of their heart, no matter how hard you may try. I am still struggling with forgiving him for his affair and for walking out on me. A part of me feels that the only thing that is my place to forgive is the hurt and pain his actions have caused me. It is not my place to forgive his adultery and desertion - that is the place of a higher power than mine.<P>You did everything you could to save your marriage, and took responsibility for your actions and opened your heart completely to your H. That he choose to throw you away is his loss.<P>I, too, hope one day that I will be able to love someone again in the same way I loved my H - completely with no reservations and no hesitation. Sometimes I feel that what I have suffered has damaged my heart and my spirit, and that I will never be able to completely trust another man again. For that, I cannot forgive him.

But I think my H has shown that happiness, or at least freedom from unhappiness, is found by taking what you want and to H*** with the effects on others. I doubt that he will ever feel remorse or regret. I don't think he is capable of any emotion whatsoever. <P>I doubt that I will ever trust any man ever again. If he could fool me into thinking he loved me for a quarter of a century, if he could fool me into thinking he was devoted to his children, or alternatively if his personality could change so completely, then nothing is as it appears to be. <P>I put a variety of alternatives into a spreadsheet, and found that I will always be poor, that I will never be able to have enough money to support the children anywhere near comfortably unless I win the lottery, which is unlikely.<p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited September 27, 2000).]

TS,<P>I sure like to hear about those baby steps. I think that by opening your heart again to the possibility of loving you will find that your healing will begin. I must admit that reading this did bring a tear to my eye.<P>I think maybe now after all of this time you are going to start to heal. I surely hope that is the case.<P>I must go, but take care.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hi <B>Student</B>!! <P>Just checking in with you, nice to see this uplifting post!! <P>Hi <B>JL</B> too, nice to see you back among the living.<P><B>Nellie</B>, <P>You said that your H fooled you into believing he loved you for 25 years. I suggest that he DID love you. He's not the same person you married. Don't take all those years onto your shoulders too, you can't possibly add that burden to your already heavy load.

Student,<P>I'm so glad things are coming together for you. <P>Your post made me think (that's usually a dangerous thing).<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I believe our purpose in life is to learn how to truly love another human being, and to do that requires commitment. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I started to write a bunch of stuff but I don't want to clutter your thread with my ramblings so I'll start one of my own under EN.<BR>