Hi all. I am hoping that some of you out there can give me some sort of advice/idea on what to do. As some of you know, my husband and I reside in the same house, but we are seperated. We are getting divorced. And we have a 6 year old son. For quite some time now we have existed semi peacefully, in other words, I avoid him and he does the same for me. Us residing in the house together is purely a financial decision, or so it seems. He originally said that he missed his son after he had moved out and that was why he wanted to come back (this is in Jan of this year) But when he is here, he ignores both of us, most of the time just sitting there watching tv. I could really care less about him paying attention to me, but my son is a totally different matter. Recently my STBX has not been coming home like he normally has been. This has caused such great stress on my son! For a week straight he complained of his stomach hurting. It had died down until last night when it acted back up again. While my son and I are sitting in the bathroom waiting for it to calm down or for him to get sick, his father walks in. I just lost it with him. I was mad, I still am. First of all, I try so hard to not argue with my STBX at all because I feel that it is a pointless thing to do at this point in time and it just makes me feel horrible at the end of it, but I think that it is an absolute to not do it in front of my son. I gave my son his dinner and told him that mom and dad needed to stay upstairs and talk. We fought for the rest of the night. My son had gone to bed about 1 1/2 hours after it started and we continued it late into the night. I am at a total loss on what to do. He just doesn't care what he is doing to his son and it makes me so mad! I think that today was about the worst day for me emotionally since all of this started. I have been so mad, depressed, fusterated and so many other things today, and it just hasn't gone away. I work way too much (avg of 70 hours a week)and yet I have compleatly arranged my schedule to be there for my son from the moment that he wakes up to the time he goes to sleep less the time he is at school. He doesn't see me working so much, and I plan on keeping it that way. He doesn't need that on top of everything else in his life. Both my son and I are going to start therapy hopefully next week, him for all the things that he is holding inside of him that is making him sick, and me, because I just don't know anymore. My STBX refuses to go, he never has gone. I am hoping that someone out there might have some insight on what to do because I am just at a total loss. I just don't know anymore. I am sorry to all of you who suffered through reading all of this, I hate venting to people, I really truly do, but I am just at a loss. Thanks... Take care of yourselves and those close to you.<BR>-Java<BR>

If the divorce proceedings are underway, you may be able to ask your attorney to file a motion for a temporary order asking that your husband be required to move out. You can explain the reasons surrounding the well-being of your son, his emotional and physical suffering, and your H's lack of consideration thereof.<P>If the divorce proceedings are not underway, you may possibly enlist the aid of Child Protection. This is drastic and should only be considered if you feel it is absolutely necessary. CP can possibly get a court order requiring your husband to move out, but they will probably then require an in-depth study of your home situation to validate such an order. It could get ugly and cause more problems than it solves, so think carefully before going this route.<P>The last option is, of course, filing for divorce and requesting for your initial temporary order that your H move out.<P>Your son's emotional protection and well-being are a high priority. I'm sorry that your H has so little regard for the dear little life he helped bring into this world. My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

Java, I am so sorry.<P>My boys were 3 and 5, and had a terrible time of it - KristyAnn's advice sounds, good, maybe it is time to not live together, that way maybe your son could have specific times to count on - rather than that horrible waiting and wondering, and walking on eggshells. Oh if there only were a good answer.<P>This is the huge problem - the effect on the kids. My oldest one had to take zantac to reduce the stomach acid for awhile...and that seemed to help with the stomach hurting. But relieving the symptoms certainly doesn't cure the underlying cause. Its so good you are able to be there for him - that was the biggest thing that helped my kids - when I could be home for them.<P>

Java:<P>I really don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and hope things improve.<P>It is so hard not to get angry under those circumstances. My x and I get along pretty well for divorced parents but every once in awhile we get in a fight and the kids will ask us not to fight. It happened last night and we both felt terrible afterwards. We haven't fought in front of the kids since this whole thing happened.<P>I think it must be very hard to live with your husband with all the tension. It would take so much self control to keep in check at all times in front of your son. I agree with the others that it may be time for him to move out for your son's sake.<P>Good luck.<P>Jennifer

Thank you all! As for us, we are still hammering out the fine details. I guess that is one thing that I am lucky for, we are trying to do this as quietly as possible. Neither of us want to drag out our dirty laundry in court. We both just want it to end. And to be honest, right now it is a good thing. I see all the stress that it puts people through here, and I feel fortunate because I think that compared to some, I really don't have it that bad. He is not a bad person, and he hasn't always been this way, just the past couple of years. We are getting ready to put the house up for sale, I am getting my items in check so that when my son and I do move it will be easiest on him. I would move out now, but I can not afford it. If the house doesn't sell quickly, which I am pretty sure that it will not, I should be able to have finances etc in shape come the new year to do it. Thanks all, for the advice and the words of encouragement, they really helped. I will keep it in mind over the following days. -Java

Java,<P>I have no personal experience with this however I know 4 people who lived thru what you have. Ironically all are men, and I am only speaking of 1 from this board. <P>Its a shame what we endure thru a divorce. From what I saw as they lived thru this, it was extremely difficult and it gets to a point when finances have nothing to do with it, you need to break free. You can't begin to heal or can your son with this arrangement. I know you want to PROTECT him from the pain, but sometimes we have to let them live thru it .<P>In the cases of my friends, they were all sad, yet relieved when they finally broke free. <P>Do what you can to protect yourself in the meantime . In a way, your life is temporarily on hold right now. I feel sad that anyone has to go thru this.<P>Never mind venting here, that's what we're here for, but next time, add some paragraphs, I need glasses!! <P>Hugs and prayers and hang in there,<BR>Dana<BR>

Java - God bless you, honey.<P>I have no advice except to keep being a loving mother. Therapy is well worth what it costs, IMHO. Hopefully your insurance will help with that. If not, community mental health agencies are around in many places.<P>There was never a question of who would move out. It was a question of could I find a way to buy him out. <P>I'll add you to my prayer list. And you son.<BR>And even your stbx that he will get a grip and do better.

Thanks guys! And Dana.... I will work on both paragraphs and shorter posts next time! Today has been a good day! My son has been in a wonderful mood and that has helped me so much. Again, thanks! -Java