I'm not looking forward to this weekend. Haven't been for a while.<P>I have a lot of resentments towad x. So, who here doesn't. He seems to have moved on with his life so much faster than I could. But I had to coordinate the recovery of my two children (Yeah, they're his too but look what he did to them. I don't get his idea of being a good, loving father. :mad plus myself. <P>He didn't have work life to reassess. He didn't have his financial status decimated. He's not raising two children-he's Camp Daddy. You know all the stuff I'm talking about. <P>So, he's getting married Sunday. I've been dating 4 months but he's getting married. Now I know that I don't think he's marrying up.<P>But, as much as I do not, repeat - do not, want him back, this hurts.<P>So, I took the children to school today and won't see them again till Sunday evening. This may not seem like a problem for everyone else but we have non-standard visitation and it is a big change for me. They spend Friday night with me one week and Saturday the next. I would normally have them this weekend beginning at 3 p.m. Saturday.<P>I am going to a Ladies' Retreat with some women from church but I'm not sure I want to. Part of me wants to stay home and be depressed. My mom's in town right now but she is even more angry about x than am I so she's not someone I can lean on for emotional support. Guy I've been dating has a pretty full weekend planned and I'm not on the calendar. May need to call up those ever miraculous girl friends rather than be in the holding pattern for some man.<P>Oh well, it's just 3 days. I can survive this but it's looming like the longest 3 day interval in a long, long time.

Don't wait for the Prince! I can't even imagine how I would feel if my estranged wife were to get remarried! YUKKY!<P>Hang in there I will pray for you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{CINDERELLA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I can't imagine being where you are right now, but I will be one day. Please excuse me for asking,but is he marrying the OW? For some reason I think the answer is yes, but I've been out of commission here for a few weeks due to so many problems I can't keep up.<P>My heart and prayers go out to you. You take time for you and no matter how bad it hurts, remember that you WILL go on to a better life, and you will survive this and come out on top.<P>How is the chemistry going? I see that thread is STILL GOING!!! I can't read thru it right now, but will wish for the best for you this weekend.<P>Hugs, Dana<BR>

Well, I don't know what I'll do this weekend. Sunday I may clean out the basement. Not exciting but needs to be done. May haul the rejects to church for a youth group yard sale. Saturday night I just may not be in - run off and have fun on my own. <P>Any of you divorced already men want to go dancing? I don't have a dancing buddy anymore. <P>No, he's not marrying the other woman. I'm grateful that his affairs were only emotional ones and that the other women apparently weren't interested in him. (Sort of wish I hadn't been.) One OW was my sister. One was someone he works with. And I think there was a third one.<P>THL - what do you mean "Don't wait for the prince?" Don't wait for the guy I'm seeing?<BR>I'm not crazy enough to make him think I'm that desparate, although...... <P>I'm thinking about trying to get a female friend to go out with me. None of the ones I would go out with have as much energy as me, though. It's ok. Quiet dinner could be fun. Then again. I could stay home and pamper myself. Bubble bath. Henna for my hair. Good movie. Bottle of wine. And if he calls, I'm busy doing the "Princess thing."

Cinderella, <P>I can imagine your feelings.....do something for yourself, go get a facial, manicure, pedicure..then find a good friend and go out for a nice dinner, movie, etc. Just pamper yourself some here!!<P>I kinda went through this some when my x' GF came to town and met my kids. That time I did stay home and pout. Not sure I felt better, though. I wish I had gone out and done something. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

Well Cinderella,<P>If I were closer, we'd be having a girls night out. But I would get to be "Jane Bond" I really loved that.<P>I would be have a very hard time of it - no matter what my feelings were about my ex. <P>I will add though, my eyebrow is raised - your new friend SHOULD have been more sensitive and cleared his schedule for you on his own volition...

Cinderella,<P>{{{{{{{ Big Hugs! }}}}}}<P>I am sorry that you have to go through this!<P>Keep your chin up and hang on!<P>It will get better!<P>Here are a couple of my fav blonde jokes.<P><B>Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?</B><P>A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."<P><BR><B>Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?</B><P>A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.<P><BR><B>Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?</B><P>A: Air Supply.<P>Take it easy!<P>Gina <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> One OW was my sister. <P>THL - what do you mean "Don't wait for the prince?" Don't wait for the guy I'm seeing?<BR>I'm not crazy enough to make him think I'm that desperate, although...... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sorry, it wasn't me, and I don't know what he means by that either <P>OW was your sister? ouch, i wouldn't miss him either if I were you.<P>Hey, don't stay home and pout, or be depressed. His life is not your life. <BR>His decisions are not your decisions.<BR>Don't go and be co-dependent on us. <BR>Separate yourself from him, get a GF and go out.<P>So what that he gets married, forget about him, its his loss, and her loss to be learned. you don't have to take it personally that he beat you. In fact I think that the people who go out and get married right away haven't figured it out yet, unless they have put a lot of thought into it.<P>take care, and don't let us down, release the anger, you know better now, and take care of those little angels. <P>I have mine because STBX would rather spend all day helping a friend pass an exam than coach our 8 yo daughter's game, STBX is the team coach.<P>These people have their priorities all screwed up, in MHO.<P>Hey, cinderella, just think, you will get your revenge, living a good life, being a great example to your kids! and showing them what their dad hasn't!<P>take care,<P>thl<P>ps. why did you think it was me up above?

thl - I just didn't review the topic very well. It was Mr. Omaha. You're very supportive, though, and I truly appreciate it. Sorry for the confusion. My self-image has me as a blond. <P>Everyone, thanks so much. I'm ok. I am going to dinner with a female friend. May rent myself a movie. Have some popcorn. Tomorrow afternoon, my mom and I will work in my basement. I can get rid of some things without the kneebiters finding them. <P>I agree, current guy could have figured out my schedule and he knew what was happening. But do I need him to take care of me? Not really. But he's a guy and, sorry to say, we don't always - all men and all women -"get it" (if you know what I mean). Perhaps I should find a way to non-accusingly tell him he let me down.<P>Hey, if I do it gently, I'll get it off my chest and, if he has his ears and heart turned on, he might learn something about women.<P>If I was really mean I'd simply tell him I had a dinner date. That it was with no one he knew and that it was very pleasant. Not tell him it was with Susan. Just that it was not with a man with whom I will be having dinner in the future. <BR>

Cinderella,<P>although it is a wonderful thought that the new BF would rescue you from a difficult weekend, you are your own savior here. Its not a race with the XH, your healing speed is not related to his, and you are more responsible taking care of two kids. This is not equality, and neither is establishing a new career in the middle of this.<P>You need to continue to believe in yourself, and overcome the thoughts that others need to save you from a yucky weekend. Although it is hard, he could have suggested doing something, but then again, he may have not thought it through, or had something else planned, or he might have felt uncomfortable about how it would be.<P>Remember, an independent person is much more attractive than a dependent person. Keep working on the independence from any influence from the XH. As long as you are independent in thought, you won't rely on someone to make you happy on a yucky weekend.<P>I would mention to him that you have anticipated it would be a yucky weekend, and it would have been nice to spend it with him, if that is how you feel. And then never mention it again. Its his turn to respond.<P>It is a big turnoff to be disappointed because of unfulfilled EXPECTATION of someone else. Now, he may not be thinking the same way, if fact, how do you think your regular dates are going? Maybe it was too much for him to be with you for the weekend while your XH is getting remarried? If you want to know, I would definately bring it up NICELY, with no expectations, and see what he says. It also may be a small indication of how he is thinking, and your next couple of dates, or whatever you call them, will be more telling.<P>just my opinion, hope it helps, it may not, but remember, you need to let go of the XH, and live the good life, the best revenge.<P>thl<p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited September 30, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{Cinderella}}}}}}}}}<P>Positive thoughts comming your way....<BR>Hang in there I am told it gets better.<P>Bill

Well, friend and I had a wonderful dinner. Her husband died of AIDS about 10 years ago. She has really been such a true friend through all my agony. Went to an Italian restaurant, had too much wine. I thought we ordered 1/2 carafe of wine but it was a whole carafe. But it was a wonderful evening. <P>Got home and found 8 p.m. message from current interest. Didn't call him back. It was approaching 10. Sunday morning he called and asked if I wanted to do lunch before he went to see some old neighbors. But he wouldn't go to church w/ me preferring to go where he normally worships. I turned down lunch in order to clean out my basement. Got nowhere near finished. But it does look better. <P>Last night I told him I had been disappointed. That I understood the trip out of town was for something he could not reschedule. (He said he had come back early but I didn't go into the fact that had I not been sure to take care of myself ....). I will say, to his credit, that he had let me do a lot of talking about the x's wedding. I really had worked through most of it already. On that, he was a trooper.<P>So we're ok with the situation. I think most of my disappointment stems from the differences between men and women. You know, I could have asked a week or two earlier if he would like to do something and I could have chosen the activity. I did learn something. <P>I have two tickets to see Ray Charles and the Nashville Symphony this coming Sunday. I did ask him if he'd like to go. He discussed a need to go see his old college roommate and his family but thought he could juggle his schedule to do this. So, after humming and hawing, he said he'd go. <P>Y'all, I'm not feeling too adored here. He says we're friends but, you know, this is not an ordinary friendship for me. <P>This dating stuff is almost as confusing as getting a divorce. Just doesn't cause as much anger and emotional or financial devastation.<P>However, it's a great feeling to learn to ask for what you need. And last night I got some practice in calmly telling someone they had not met my expectations and needs. And I stayed calm and focused!!! <BR>

Yeah!! PROGRESS !!! Yeah!!<P>It should feel good, and I would agree with your statement that you could have asked him out, and selected the activity.<P>However, my question is for you to tink about: it is good that your sexual attractions have been muted, but I wonder if this is causing him a problem? meaning, he is not as patient, and personally, I would be looking for a patient guy.<P>As long as you talk well enough to understand his personality and his view points, then you should be able to figure it out. however, since this is your first serious date after the divorce, I would put it under "practice date #1," and if after six months, you don't feel like he is the guy, well then friends for life.<P>Although you are happy to be have the male attention, you don't sound too convinced he is the one. Remember, Dr. Laura says 1 year without meeting the kids, one year with the kids, then decide. You still have a long way to go to decide.<P>thl

thl - Who said anything about sexual attraction being muted? It's more that the behaviour has been under better control. I don't know which bothers me more or which pleases me more. <BR> Not messing around causes more sexual frustration and less guilt. Messing around causes less sexual frustration and more guilt. It seems to be a no-win situation. <P>But beyond that, I figured out what I needed and found ways to keep myself from distress and that was such a big victory!! I could have planned something a week or two earlier but I didn't and I have learned something. And that is one of the goals in life, isn't it. (By the way, I told him I went out to dinner but I didn't say with whom.)<P>The other big victory was in stating, calmly, that I had been disappointed. And I did it non accusingly. <P>For all of this I should do one of those Happy Dances so - I'm doing a happy dance all around the office. Oh, this is the church office. I don't think I'm supposed to do that but who care's. Happy dancing all around.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Not messing around causes more sexual frustration and less guilt. Messing around causes less sexual frustration and more guilt. It seems to be a no-win situation. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think you have defined your dilemma perfectly. And the learning stuff is great, you turned a negative situation into a positive one, and should be proud of yourself.<P>Just keep in mind at some point you MAY have to make a decision about this guy to either answer a direct proposal, or to not keep stringing him along. So for that, I think you should look at the non sexual issues, and explore how you think about him. I may be wrong, but i don't think anyone wants to fall into a second relationship just because of great sexual attraction.<P>That is the wrong reason, generally, it leads to dissatisfaction in the rest of the relationship, and if you can come to that answer, the guilt may go away.<P>good luck, <P>hope to book my room by the end of the week, just got my return trip extended, and the flight costs were less, so there is no switing fee. I asked the woman to help me pick out lottery tickets.<P>thl

room is BOOKED, let the tag begin,<P>also, Cinderella, wouldn't 1 drink before tag make the game a little more fun? I mean, just one? sober, not drunk, just feeling GOOOOOOD!<P>thl

thl- To be honest, it might make certain aspects of it more fun. But I bet I'd be a more competitive player if I didn't have a drink but did take my Adderall.<P>And I think I'll pretty much have to be a good girl this weekend. I think 'that part' will be "temporarily unavailable." At least I know I'm not pregnant. Comes in handy for somethings.

OK, you take your adderall, and the rest of us will have one drink to stretch out and loosen up, and , maybe two to get warmed up.<P>Then, let the games begin!<P>thl

Do you think one game would be enough or do you think it will take 2 games to get the gun-firing thing out of our systems? I'm wondering if it would be less expensive if we booked a party. I guess I need to call them. But I don't think I'll play this time in a strapless dress and heels.

Cinderella,<P>Strapless dress and heels?? Heck NO!! <P>Try our best Guerilla Warfare gear!! <P>Mitzi