Your situation is similar to mine in some ways but different in others. It kind of sounds like your problems started from the very beginning. It appears that you two have started growing apart from the beginning...you basically had to fend for yourself it sounds like with no help from your husband. You have grown maybe too independant...and now that he is trying to make up for ALL the lost time, you don't need him now. I'm not entirely sure your feelings have totally vanished for him, but maybe they have.<p>Is it possible that you still may be so hurt from him not being there from the beginning that you are holding that against him now? Not that I would expect you to act any different, but maybe you are still so disappointed and hurt that he wasn't there for you all along, and now he just expects to be able to all of the sudden come into your life? I'm not sure how your marriage made it this far with the lack of "marriage"--if that makes any sense???<p>Is it possible for you to maybe separate for awhile and then reevaluate the situation. Because I know that there comes a time in a marriage where all you can do is take some time out to really think and be away from the pressures--you would be surprised how you see things differently--believe me, I think my hubby is starting to see things very different. I am one who needs to have the piece of mind that I tried EVERYTHING to make my marriage work before giving up on it. I think that you should explore counseling for yourself and maybe have some joint sessions with your husband. It's not necessarily to work things out but if you leave this marriage with unresolved problems then those same problems are likely to carry on to future relationships. Like I said, you may just be very angry about how your marriage was at the beginning; but until you deal with and heal the anger, then I think it may jeapordize your future happiness. Also, counselors know the right questions to ask to get at the root of the problems--and who knows, after recognizing the real problems you may decide to try to salvage your marriage. The feelings that you had for your husband may not be gone, they may just be hidden--take it from me, the best part of a marriage is the friendship. I would not make any rash decisions that you may regret later. Maybe your marriage will work, maybe it won't, but just for your peace of mind, make sure you can look back and say "I did everything I could"--even if this whole thing started with your husband's selfishness.<p>Hope this helps, keep us posted. ((((HUG))))

Shery, i think your right about the anger and resentment, he was never there when i needed him and everytime i think about it i get mad again. Now whenever i'm upset etc i turn to my family and friends first because he has let me down so many times. I'm going to try counseling, i know it will do me good even if i do leave. I'm going to try that until around Feb, i have circumstances that make it hard to leave until then, and if i still feel this way i will go with a clear conscious. I know that some of this comes from the fact that my father was never there when we needed him, he always had grand plans to be but always dropped them at the last minute, and alot of promises were broken. I've never told him what that did to us (me and my brother). When my husband did things like that i would think to myself "you let me down, your like my dad, your never here when i need you, you lied to me, etc" and then get over it, i'd make a fuss but then all was forgotten (for about three years) now i lose it even over the smallest of things, i have no patience for it and feel like screaming at him to grow up, i can't forgive and forget because too much has happened. It's funny how long it took to really get to me. I feel sometimes that i just need to take my lessons learned and start over, it would be such a relief in a way.