Hi friends,<P>Today at 4pm I got the news from the lawyer that my papers were signed and I am now divorced.<P>I almost didn't think it was happening today because it took so long but it did. <P>When I was told the news, I really didn't know how to feel or what to say. I still don't. I feel strange thats all I can say.<P>I called my closest friends and told them right after I told my now exH. He seemed almost numb too. I told him, and he said...."when does it start?". I felt like saying "when does it end?". <P>We are both grieving the loss of his sister who was killed in a horrible accident 8 years ago tomorrow and in two weeks it would have been our wedding anniversary. <P>Thanks for listening to me tonite.<P>Prayers and hugs, Dana<P>

Dana,<BR>so, so sorry.......you've been an inspiration to many of us here and we're all thankful for that. I wish we could just say the right words to make it all better but unfortunately that wouldn't be reality. I do hope you'll hang around and continue to post and reply if not to help us then in some way continue to help yourself. I'll be where you are now in a short time and frankly I don't relish the thought but there's nothing I can do, my hands are tied. It's frustrating when your fate has been taken out of your hands and you're no longer in control of your destiny. All I can say is thank you for being who you are and prayers and sincere best wishes to you. Jax

Well, it was both good and bad to see this post from you... my heart goes out to you so much right now. I hope that you are doing okay. We are all here for you should you need us. Take the time that you need and take care of yourself! Thank you for being there for me, even when your life has been turned around so much. I know that it has not been easy, but hopefully things will start to get better for you!! Think happy thoughts if you can!! -Java

Dana,<P> I'm really sorry. <P> I know,you go into court,and come out feeling pretty empty,like a part of you died.<P> All you can do,is think of this as a new stage of your life.It will get easier to cope with.Just take it one day at a time.<P> Take care of yourself.<P> ~~Murph<P>

Dana,<P>{{{{{{ Here is a Big Hug! }}}}}}}}<P>Take care of your self and hang in there!<P>Gina <P>------------------<BR>"If we deny love that is given to us,if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss,then our lives will be empty,our loss greater!"-----Anonymous----

{{{{{{{{{{{{DANA }}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Hey, you've been a great inspiration, and we are/will be in your shoes. you are doing a great job with all that you have done.<P>It will take some time, but you will get use to it, and be better for it.<P>thl

{{{{{{{{DANA}}}}}}}}<P>I will be filing on the 8th then 4 to 6 weeks it's official...<P>Don't know how I'll feel...<P>I'll say a big prayer for you tonight.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Dana:<P>I'm sorry!<P>I know how hard it is when you actually hear those words. It does make you feel numb.<P>As you know, I really benefit from all your inspirational words and emails, quotes, etc. I hope that you will stick around so we can continue to benefit from all your words of wisdom<P>Take care. I will be thinking about you today.<P>Jennifer

Yes, numb is the word. I am sorry.<P>In one of my first posts here, I described my husband like smoking - I remember the pleasure, I would love to just start again, but I know it would kill me. <P>You are one of the strongest people here - take care.

Dana, <P>This is a tough time for you....we are all here for you however you need us....<BR>I will say a prayer for you and the kids....<BR><P>------------------<BR>Susan

Dana,<P>You have all my prayers today... <P>Jim

Dana, <BR> I have been where you are and not too long ago either. The intense feeling of time standing still almost killed me. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 21 years and have 4 children with him. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not sad. Although my ex wasn't the perfect husband and he really did hurtful things to me, it is hard to let go of the hopes and dreams you shared and the man that you thought you had married. My ex gave me a beautiful card the day we went into court. I believe he has alot of guilt inside of him. In court it was horrible. I cried and I couldn't believe the tactics he would try to pull in that courtroom to hurt me. I am a very compassionate person. My husband had several affairs over the years and I would forgive him over and over. But the last one was the topper. He took my 2 sons (ages 6 and 7 at the time) on a date with his girlfriend while I was at work and he was still living in my home. I had no idea of the other woman until that day. That day in court I felt as though my world had crumbled. I was so scared that he would no longer speak to me. Was I an idiot or what? I should have made him crawl back into my life. He still wants to be with me, but we had a very good intimate life together and I think that is what he is craving. I would very much like to work it out with him. But my heart still hurts for the pain of this divorce. It is the hardest thing to go through and my prayers are with you. I don't know your story, all I know that when I tried so hard to hold everything together and it fell apart, I was so sad. My hands were tied, I tried to get him to stop the divorce and he wouldn't. I felt helpless and I still do. You will get through this. I know how hard it is to hear that it is final. I still get this pain in my gut. But I have to say the Lord has been good to me. I believe that if we are ever to get back together this total ending was necesarry. God doesn't close the door on a marriage for no reason. He can't change a hard heart. You sound like a very wonderful person and I know the pain you feel. But you will get through it. Be strong and I will pray for you. Kelly

Hi Dana,<P>I just want to let you know that I know how you feel. Not that it helps to know that, but maybe just to let you know that I understand. I still have my moments - I'll have been divorced for one full month tomorrow - it gets a little better, day by day. <P>Claire

I cried the day my divorce was final. Oddly enough i called my ex and cried. He came over and held me then came back that night and stayed with me. I even saw his eyes were watery. Sometimes you try looking ahead and it doesn't feel like there's anything there. Keep your chin up and take a deep breath, peace lies with you tonight.

I know I'm late Dana, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. <P><B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DANA}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P><P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hello friends,<P>When I signed on today, I didn't realize how many replies I would get but this shouldn't surprise me, many of you have been here with me since the beginning of this, and if you haven't you were here when Taylor was very sick. <P>To Murphy, Gina, Sue, Jim, Claire and Rtn, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I'm really hoping to get to Nashville to see everyone in January.<P>To Jax - thank you also and I wanted to comment on something you said. You said its hard when fate is taken out of our hands and we can no longer control our own destiny. You know there are many days in the past when I have felt that, and I was never very religious when this all started. I don't think I've become very religious, but more aware of a spiritual level that I never knew could bring me so much comfort. I do believe that we are all here for a reason, and I hate the fact that all of us have moved here from the side of the board where we tried to save our marriages, but we tried. We gave it our best shot and I believe that there is a destiny for us all and we all will go on to a new life, that will bring us much joy. We just have to trust that it will all work out in the end and there was a reason for this. I know by your posts that you are going thru a lot too and I think you will see a lot of growth in your own life as these next months unfold.<P>To Java - thank you for the kind words and I'll try to stick around here as long as I can. This place tends to become a second home for many of us and almost a second family. Many people here share things they wouldn't dream of telling some of their closest friends.<P>To THL - Thank you for the reply and all the great meaning you bring to your replies to others as well, they are always an inspiration!<P>To Bill - Thank you for the prayers!<P>To Jen and Honey - I can't explain this feeling but I can say that luckily its not effecting the rest of my life right now, and just the way I feel towards the ex. I would never wish him harm, but I certainly have no respect for him and although I'm numb I know that its a way for me to get thru the last phase of that ultimate fate, divorcing him. I truly believe after all I've learned here, that I made a mistake in marrying him,and I'll never regret our time together, because of our children, but I do believe that there is a better life coming!<P>To Kelly - I saw your name a few days ago. Cheery mommy. I like it!! When I first came here, my name was lonelymom (how sad right?). Well my original story is out there on General questions under lonelymom if your ever looking to here it. Its not anything great, matter of fact its one of the worst ones out here but its there. I read one of your posts the other day and i didn't have time to reply. I couldn't even reply to this for a few days. Your story sounds similar to mine in many aspects. When you are in a relationship where your treated badly, deep down you know it, but you stay anyway. Many of my friends were in bad relationships and I thought thats how men were. The good news is that they're not! Thank GOD!!! I'll reply to you soon!<P>To Jamie Lee - I read your posts too and appologize for not answering, its been a long month but its good to hear from you!<P>Prayers and hugs to all my favorite people. This is such a difficult time right now and I thought I was ready for it. I know I am going on to a better life. I know that it was the right thing to do, sue him for divorce when he withdrew. I know that it will get better, it is just not what I imagined this to feel like . I thought I'd feel like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders and I'd feel better instantly. Or feel relief. It doesn't help that exH and OW stopped here the next day to drop off child support, he has absolutely no respect for me whatsoever.<P>I will probably be off the board for a few days while I work thru all of this but don't forget me while I'm gone!<P>Hugs and Prayers, Dana<BR>

Dana,<BR>Sorry it took me so long to reply. I try not to come here that much anymore...it just depresses me. But sometimes I just find myself here. Sorry, hon!!!! Mine was final just a month ago. It is a numbing experience. You will be OK. I know you been struggling a bit lately. My therapist says that is completely normal. You go through ups and downs for quite a while, but it does get better. I have been on a downward swing myself for the last several days. Chin up, now! We will get through this!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Dana, I am so sorry I don't know what to say! I will say a prayer for you and kids! I guess you reentered the stage of sadness or denial (numb. <P>I know it feels like it goes on for ever. The serinity prayer can be helpful. See post above.<P>Good luck and keep your chin up!

Dana,<P>I'm so sorry to see this post from you. Believe it or not things will improve. Just keep taking things day to day like before.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

Dana - My prayers have been with you since I first saw this thread. I'm sorry that I haven't replied earlier but I had my own emotional thing going on. Having survived it, I can now deal with other people's crises. <P>In looking back at my own marriage and divorce, I can see lots of changes within myself. I was talking to my mother about my friends here and told her about my name. She loves it. She agrees with me. I have no palace, I'm not dripping with jewels and I have no prince but I am Cinderella. I went from a quivering domestic slave to a figurative emotional princess.<P>My x told me, before he left, that I wasn't happy and that I would be a lot happier overall when the divorce was over. You know what, the #%*#@*^%%$# was right.