Is it just me or does anyone else find it difficult to concentrate on their lives at this point? I mean I have no desire to do anything except stay home and wallow in my own self pity. I have the opportunity now to move on with my life, go to school, take up a new hobby, etc., but I have no desire what so ever to do anything at all. Is this a normal part of depression? I feel as though my whole life is just gyrating wildly out of control and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it. Even though my STBX was the one that left, the one who wanted out, the one who doesn't love me anymore, I find myself constantly wanting to call her and tell her what I feel and to please give me a chance. Of all the irony, give me a chance. I know I've done some things and not done some things but at least I know what I did and I admit I was wrong but certainly none of the things I've done should warrant not wanting to try and save our marriage and family after all she's just as responsible for all of this too. AAAARRRRGGGGG.......I wish I could just stop the madness, because that's what it is, just madness, none of any of this makes any sense what so ever. Jax

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 21, 2001).]

I feel much the same way. Although I do have a job that I go to 5 days a week, the minute I get home I fall into this intense desire to do absolutely nothing. I feel helpless at times and I wonder if it will ever end. It hurts though because he doesn't seem to hurt at all. He's always busy doing something and I can barely get motivated to get in the shower. Maybe this is a part of this whole process, but if it is then why isn't my ex going through this? Is he stronger than me or what? Maybe it's because as they say he doesn't really have a conscience after all. I wish I could take the pain away for you, but then if I couldn't I wouldn't be feeling so down and out. I will say a prayer for you. Kelly

hey jax,<P>force yourself to do something different maybe take a course at a school join a leauge of some sort sporting or whatever, find out about support groups in your area, go to the library, socialize <P>force yourself to do it now!<P>remember what you plant today you will harvest later!<P>prayers are with ya!<BR>rick<BR>]

Jax,<P>I remember that feeling OH TOO WELL!<P>I was even aimless and wandering last week and I have a wonderful support system and someone special to lean on. <P>Until you take time to heal a little I don't know for sure if there is any one thing you can do, except for getting out there and forcing yourself to live.<P>Easy for me to say now, I hid inside for a month. Get out with your single friends and go have some fun. Think back to what gave you peace BEFORE you met your ex. There has to be something!!! Now go do it!!! <P>hugs and prayers, Dana<BR>

Jax:<P>I think I know EXACTLY what you are going through. After my STBX moved out, I didn’t want to do a thing. I didn’t want to be at the house so I would look forward to going to work, but once there, I wanted to leave. You need to find something, anything, that will help occupy your mind in some other way. What activities did you do before meeting your spouse? Is it possible to resume some of the old things you used to do for fun before being involved in this relationship?<P>For me, I found a very simple thing. I used to like shooting pool and playing darts, but my W didn’t like the smoky bars so we never went. Now I have gone to the same bar every Friday night for the last month to do exactly that. I found that my neighbor enjoys the same thing so we usually go together, but I have met some ‘regulars’ that are always there and feel comfortable enough going up there on my own if I so desire.<P>My therapist suggested that I get involved in some type of physical activity. Whether walking, jogging, riding the bike, taking the dog for a walk, etc…. Just get out of the house and do something. Walk around the block one time and come home. Do this a few days in a row, then change the route in which you walk. Look at your surroundings and try not think about the EX. It is hard I know, but you’re marriage is out of your control at this point. Stop worrying about the STBX and worry about JAX!!!!!!!<P>There have been and still are some lengthy threads here between myself and SoTired2000. I urge you to read through some of these posts and take advantage to some of our shared experiences. (see Re: To 711; Re: To 711...(part II) and question about meds (Paxil)) I can tell you from my own experience that the more I contacted my STBX in regard to my feelings about our marriage, the further she got. She NEVER really gave me what I wanted to hear and it usually made me feel worse. Once you know in your head and your heart that you have given everything you have and you know that you have done everything in your power to save the marriage, then you need to just accept it for what it is and move on. It is a very hard thing to do… I know all to well. Some days are harder than others, but I have accepted that my marriage is over, I don’t like it, but I can do no more.<P>Now it’s time for me and I’m becoming a little happier every day.<P>Be strong.<BR><P>------------------<BR>JH93

Well, here we go. . .this is actually my first post on the D/D board. . .if I had thought 6 weeks ago that I would have been here, I would have never believed it.<P>Even still, I have an tiny atom-sized iota of hope, that's what is killing me. I should have none.<P>I have reached the conclusion that he really doesn't want me back, as I have not even heard from him for almost 3 weeks. (the last I did hear from him wasn't exactly a pleasant conversation--I had to put the phone receiver down because he was breaking my eardrums--he is projecting a lot of blame onto me for the state of things, even though it was he who cheated.)<P>I got a job here, I don't like it, and as I was going through the classroom training for it, I sat there wondering "What the heck are you doing??!! This is just a dream, and you will wake up soon!! You really are not stuck here in Dog-Poop, Idaho, intending to work graveyard on an assemblyline, you need to be home with your husband, cooking dinner, going to aerobics, Biblestudy, PTA meetings, ect."<P>I feel. . .uprooted, like I am a tumbleweed or something, just going where the wind takes me. This is a horrible feeling, and I wonder when it's going to end. <P>So don't feel alone--a lot of us are at this point, wondering if there should be hope, knowing that in order to protect our hearts, there is no hope. <P>Hate to sound so negative. . .guess I am not much help. I'm sorry.