This is my 2nd post. So i am still new at this. My divorce jut becam final on 11/19. It has really devastated me and mu 2 daughters. I feel as though that i am getting mixed signals from him. He says that he really wants to come home but he is afraid the things will not work out and that he will have to leave again and he says that he does not want to hurt the girls like that. He says that he thinks that things would be good for a while and then they would go back to the way that they were. I tell him that he cannot think of what will happen 1 month or 1 year down the road. We would have to take it 1 day at a time. We talk all of the time. He calls me all of the time just to talk. He calls about 4 or 5 times a day and sometime more. We still do things as a family. He has friends that are telling him that he should have divorced me a long time ago and that I have not changed the way that i am telling him that i have changed. I have done alot of wrong things that have hurt him in the past 10 years. I do not want to hurt him anymore. I will do everything in my power not to hurt him. He has been talking to a woman for that past few months that is going through a divorce also. She is 14 years older than he is. Last night he called and said that he was going out of town and that he was taking this woman with him to help him drive. He works 3rd shift and was leaving as soon as he got off of work. He later called me back and said that he was sorry if it hurt me that he was taking her and said that if he had asked me would i have went. I said Yes of course i would go. they are only going to be gone 1 day but it is still tearing my heart out. He says that they are just friends and that she is dating other people. But he still stays the night at her house sometimes on the weekend. I feel like he is telling me things that are getting my hopes up and then doing something totaly different when he is not around me. His mother says to be patient that he will come back. She says that he has talked to her about how he is feeling. Right now he is living with her. I just dont know what to do anymore. My daughter seems to be letting out some of her anger. She wants to know why her daddy has abandoned her and us. She seems so sad all of the time and wants to know why her daddy cannot come home. My younger daughter cries for her daddy ever night. He thinks that I put them up to day things to him about the way they are feeling and that they want him to come home. I feel like i am on a roller coster. He tells me to be patient and if he wants to come home he will. But that it will not be right now. I think that right now he wants to be free and be able to go out with his friends anytime that he wants to and not have to worry about coming home to me and the girls. We got married right out of high school so he did not get to run around much before we got married. What is killing me the most is that he is my 1st love and the only man that i have ever been with. Any advice that anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated.<p>Angel

Angela,<p>If you fell off a building but managed to grab a flagpole, your thoughts would be focused on that, not what you'll be doing once you've managed to get back on the ground.<br>I can tell you're very distraught and feel like your whole world is crumbling. I know the feeling. When you're there just concentrate on holding on, not on what you can do tomorrow or anything else. Once you gain a little stability, in whatever form it comes, then you can move ahead. But for now just do what you can to maintain. That may be precious little, I know, but do it.<br>If your husband is calling you as much as you say then he must feel something for you. My wife used to talk about what would happen if she stayed with me and ran into the same brick wall down the road. That made me so mad. I asked her why she always had to concentrate on what could go wrong. I said what about thinking about how great a marriage we'll have because we'll realize the mistakes that were made and now we'll (especially me) be anxious not to repeat them. She actually acknowledged that was possible.<br>Right now you can't see past your need and you probably feel so guilty because of the things you know you've done to hurt him. Ok. A lot of us have been or are there now. But you'll find that there is only so much self-flagellation you can indulge in. After a while you'll have to forgive yourself and resolve to be a better woman. Hopefully that will mean the chance to be a better wife.<br>As much as he calls you he's going to be checking on you even if he doesn't come home anytime soon. Let him find that better woman whatever it takes. It's probably going to be one of the hardest things you've ever done, but do it. If you persevere, regardless of the pain, you will come out on the other side of this.<br>Remember me telling you all this because you might have to tell me the same thing next week. These marital problems have a way of radically changing the mental landscape in a very short time. <br>Hang in their, girl. Kiss those daughters and be as strong as you can for them. I'll be remembering you in prayer.

Angela<p>I read your post again. I am so sorry, you are going through a time very similiar to my. DO Not blame yourself for the past. Okay, you made some mistakes, I know how that feels. It is easy to say and very hard to not blame yourself. You words of encouragement to me are warmly accepted and helpful. I must agree with Bruce, if he is calling you all the time, he cares. He is also trying to make you jealous, don't let it take hold. I am not saying, not to let him know you care, you must do that. Like the question, "If I'd called and asked you to goe would you?" and you said "Yes, of course". That is type of response you must give, sincerity and add that you Love Him. I know none of this feels good, I wonder how I can hang in there, as Bruce puts it. It is not easy, Angela, I understand the pain. The hardest thing I face is total shutdown of all feeling in order to cope. I have done that in the past and don't to again. I have to wonderful daughters and if I shutdown, I'll shut them out too. Keep hold on your girls, they are there and you shower each other with love and caring to help ease the pain on both sides. My prayers are with you, Angela, Good luck to you.