I was talking to my best friend last night. I had been crying about my imminent divorce, and she gave me some tough love. She reminded me of the times that I said to her that I was unhappy and considered leaving. One reason I gave her for not leaving was my three dogs. (You don't have many options with that many big animals.) I had often thought that it would be better if HE left, that way, I could remain in the house and continue on without much disruption. I had blocked all of this out of my mind since he left. She said that the reason she thought I was so upset was becuase it was him doing this and not me. It was a "blow to my ego." I had fotgotton about the depth of my unhappiness with his passive agressiveness, his lack of follow through, and getting the electric turned off every now and then. She said that one day I would find the love of my life and I said "I thought I already had!" She responded by saying "No you haven't! You know that! You've told me that!" <P>Part of my worries about leaving him is that I would regret it. I was afraid that I was just taking all his good qualities for granted. So I stayed. Why is it now that I am believing that we had so much of a future and that I was so "happy?"

It's part of the grieving process. There are about 6 stages. Some are numbness, denial, anger, acceptance - I forget the rest. I think everyone goes through it when their marriage collapses.<P>You go back and forth through them. Sometimes you're having one reaction and the next day you have a different one. It's painful but, if you do good work on yourself,<BR>you heal.<P>

gsd,<BR>Gosh, you sound like me! I'm glad I read your thread.... I was having one of those crying bouts myself last night. It's rought sometimes, especially when your ego is bruised.<P>It's funny... My reason for staying was even the same... only we only have 2 dogs.<P>It will get easier... I promise. But, there will still be a few rough days thrown in, so you know you are still human.<P>Your friend even sounds like mine... she is the greatest, and keeps me in line! LOL. She reminds me of all the times I called here and said I was thinking about leaving, and about all the bad things my X did to me. <P>Keep your chin up... You are in my thoughts & prayers.<P>Butterfly

Hi gsd,<P>I felt the same as you! I'd "forgotten" how unhappy I was.<P>I read your reply on student's thread, and I did answer there about what constitutes a "good relationship"...<P>Go see...<P>And I'm sorry for your pain. All I can say is that I understand, and that it does get better with time. Ick. Time. Hate that word!

The following are the 6 steps to the grieving process:<P>1. Anger<BR>2. Denial<BR>3. Guilt<BR>4. Depression<BR>5. Bargaining<BR>6. Acceptance<P>As stated by Cinderella, it is completely normal to jump through these stages in random order. The feeling of ‘numbness’ is normal and tends to fall under the depression stage.<BR><P>------------------<BR>JH93

gsd,<P>Since my H made it very clear he wasn't coming back and I finally responded to his divorce filing of 1998, I have been all over the board on my feelings. Yes, it wasn't a good marriage the past few years, but my H is still the one I want to have around. One of his issues was the dogs, he was jealous of them I think. It's hard to not react to something that has such unconditional love, but he thinks animals are here only for what pleasure they bring, if they don't bring anymore pleasure, then they shouldn't be there anymore.<P>OK, weird thinking to animal lovers, but imagine the way we animal people think is weird to others. I had always told the kids that if something happened to H, I would probably get another dog, they were much easier than men to deal with. Of course, I said this not thinking H was going to walk off.<P>It is crazy, but I got the fantastic opportunity to import a dog a few days ago. My friend laughed at me when I started thinking about it, she's been telling me to do something good for myself, she'd wondered how long it would be before I did something like that. <P>I need to do some serious thinking, but it was a weird opportunity in a weirder time frame. talk about coincidences Yes, I'd like to work on my marriage, but I think I have been deluding myself that there's been progress for quite some time. Now that he saw I responded, he thinks I am out to "get" him. <P>Isn't it funny what clicks in your head about things, we "remember" what we want to remember I think. My 9 year old D said to me, "dad never treated you right, what makes you think if he comes back he would treat you any differently?" If it is so obvious to her and to others, why can't we acknowledge it and move on?<P>keep your chin up, know we're thinking good thoughts for you no matter what you decide to do. This forum is a cyberfamily, and that is a tremendous feeling of hope and love to carry you through.<P>Lori <P>