I spoke with an attorney this morning and what he said was not very encouraging. He indicated that if I wanted more than minimum visitaion with my children that I would need to file for full custody to begin with.<P>He is an expert in the area of fathers rights and has been successful in getting full custody and real joint custody!<P>The problem is that he indicated that this would be very expensive, time consuming, and hard on the kids.<P>What a choice, go for what you think is right and the kids get hurt, don't go and I get hurt!<P>It seems to me there is no real choice but to do what is right for the kids and hope that my wife allows me to have time with my kids.

Are you sure about that? In my state the minimium is offered to the NCP BUT as far as the actual divorce papers the two parents can agree on what ever they want. For instance, my non visiting ex is entitled to every other weekend Fri - Monday night. Half of the summer, half of all school breaks and eo holiday. I agree....the custody battles are expensive and tough on the kids. It also pulls apart any chance that the two of you would have at co-parenting with each other. I know.....my ex drug me through an extremely long custody battle.

This is like any other negotiation. It sucks to say that you need to approach this like you would buying a car, but you do.<P>Be realistic. Go for full, but realize that you will probably get something like 1/2.<P>The bottom line for me is "Is doing whatever I can to maintain custody in the best interests of my children?" In my case, the answer is a resounding yes. But it would be different for everyone.<P>Good Luck to you

My x and I have a non-standard visitation arrangement. We just hammered it out before the judge got hold of it. She said it seemed odd but if we could work this out, fine. However, if we can't work things out, it defaults back to standard visitation. I know I have trouble doing anything to suit him and his goal in life is to make my life &@%*. Therefore we compromised, I let him have joint custody with my having primary care. I only have to keep informed on major decisions concerning the children - I don't have to get him to agree. I gave him this in exchange for something else he wanted. Money.<P>I had to pay his #%$*@&* debt off. And I had no job. So I'm in debt to the mortgage company for this extra money. But, I ended up with the children. Can you find a way to entice stbx with something like that?<P>----But I just had a thought....Attorneys get paid on something that resembles an hourly rate. Is he telling you this to jack up your bill? Maybe you should tell him to send STBX a proposal of what you would like and see what her reaction is.<P>Well, let me temper that suggestion. I don't think you should tell her your idea is for her to die and burn in..... Maybe stop short of that. (That's how I felt, not how I think you feel.)<p>[This message has been edited by cinderella (edited October 05, 2000).]

Go for it!!!<P>In my case, I've weighed the pros (I get custody or 1/2 custody) V. the cons (I kick myself in the butt a few years down the road for not trying when daughter flounders with STBX W).<P>My Atty. also said that if there was trouble down the road, the fact that I tried now can weigh in my favor should I try for expanded visitation or better yet, primary custody.<P>I also know that the best thing for my D is to be near me. W and her family will do little if anything to encourage her in math, science and even history, if these happen to be things she likes. She may never find out what she likes if I'm not there to show her things related to these fields that the schools may no longer present. Let's face it, my elementary school curriculum in the 1960's and 1970's was much more fundamental than some of the BS they're teaching now.