Well, the papers are signed, the judge approved them, and in 90 days it will be all over. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to us, our child got sick at school and we could not be reached. Fitting, I guess.

......Don't know what to say, Nellie.....I'm real, real sorry.<P>Bill

Why is that fitting? <P>How is your child? Not too serious I hope. Did you have to have your phone turned off? <P>For some reason, I was thinking that it was already finalized. Now that the papers are signed, any hope of enforcing the darn thing?<P>I know you are not a religious person, but I'll tell you that I think of you often and am praying for you (in my own way). I too don't believe in the type of God that theoretically sits with baited breath for my prayers. However, I do believe in a "higher power" - like gravity. Right now you are too exhausted to see the long term. In a way, I've seen the long term affects with my father. It took him 15 YEARS of hard work with me and my sister to get us to honestly be able to say "I love you Dad" after the way he treated us when we were children. You think your ex doesn't care, and I don't really believe that, even if it looks that way right now. <P>He doesn't have the will to change things, that I believe. Hopefully someday, for the sake of your children, the pain of not knowing them will exceed the pain of his changing, and he will make efforts to be the father he can't be right now, for whatever reason.

Xman,<P>Thank you.<P>TheStudent,<P>It just seems ironic that in yet another way this divorce process has been harmful to the kids since neither parent was available to take her home when she was sick. She is fine now, actually was fine by evening. If I believed in such things, I would think there was some connection between her getting sick and the divorce hearing (she isn't verbal enough to have known anything about it) - but she got sick with a 102 degree fever just as we were working out final details and her fever apparently started dropping about the time I left court. It was very strange for her to go from being fine, to really sick, and back to fine within a matter of hours. <P>No, it is not that I think my H does not care about the kids - I think he has convinced himself that they do not care much about him.

"No, it is not that I think my H does not care about the kids - I think he has convinced himself that they do not care much about him."<P>Sounds like the guilt and depression talking. Also, gives him an excuse (that he can live with) to avoid them. Someday, one of your kids will say to him "You have no idea how much your leaving hurt me/us". I hope it doesn't come to that. If he really believed that they didn't love HIM, but he truly loved THEM, he wouldn't stop trying. Just like you hadn't stopped trying. All he is thinking about is himself and how HE feels, which is uncomfortable for him.

TheStudent,<P>It is just so much easier to just maintain a superficial relationship with the younger kids, and even less of a relationship with the older ones. <P>Yes, I think it is the depression talking. But I doubt that the depression will ever get better for very long at a time.

Nellie1-<P>I'm sorry that your marriage is ending. Even with all that happened like us all, you had hopes, dreams and many caring thoughts that will all come to a final end very soon. At the end of the day...ending a marriage is not a solution that really helps both people...but that is what we are forced to deal with when ending the partnership is the final outcome.<P>The next 90 days and beyond, will be filled with many ups and downs...take good care of yourself. Self-care is very important as you embark on this journey in your life. If you read...a couple of books that friends had me seek out and reak...and I'm very glad I did!<P>#1 The Healing Journey Through Divorce/Phil Rich, EdD, MSW and Lita Linzer Schwartz, PhD, ABPP - Really forces you to look at where you have been, understanding yourfeelings and keeps an emotional barometer on you through your process.<P>#2 Journey to the Heart/Melody Beattie (Author of The Language of Letting Go) - These are daily Meditations on the path to nuturing your spirit and soul. This one really makes you thing about your sense of self and the self-care you need to invest in yourself at this time in your life.<P>My best to you...just got back from a great walk and the leaves are starting to turn a bit...great for the mental senses and to enjoy the fall!<P>mrrlk<P>