Have you ever hit women in your lives and why? Do you feel justified afterwards or do you feel bad?

Not sure how much of a response you'll ge on this one.<P>For me... <B>NO</B>... never...

No, I have never hit a woman, nor do I think that I ever could. I have often wondered why abused women will stay in a relationship when they are being beat to hell? I had a friend tell me that I was just too nice of a guy and (jokingly) had I beat my wife, she would never have left. I know that comment was just a joke, but it really made me cringe.<P>I'm not going to pass judgement on abusive men. Their actions alone are not worth my words.<P>------------------<BR>JH93

Not even once.....I cannot stand the thought of battered women!!!<P>Bill

No...never...Could not ever think that behavior would resolve a conflict with someone you care about. No one ever "Deserves that kind of treatment"<P>mrrlk

I once grabbed my then w and really wanted to shake her, but didn't. We had just bought our first house and were having some problems with a new washing machine. She was nagging me about something and it drove me crazy, so I grabbed her and when I did, something clicked so I just hugged her real hard and then punched a wall. That occurred way back when we had been married only about 2-3 yrs.<P>I can remember sitting down in the basement just crying, feeling so terrible that I could get that mad to even think of striking her. I don't think I ever raised my hand against her again. Not even when we were fighting after she left me and was getting right in my face.<P>I don't think I could ever hit a woman. If I didn't do it in the past year, I don't think any woman could get me that mad or hurt now.

No, never. Not even now. No matter how much she's hurt me, I could never hurt her.<P>nick

My H used to beat me every chance he got, but he never once raised a hand to me.<P>You see, his weapon of choice was not his fists........it was is tounge..<P>Aren't we all a little guilty of these verbal floggings?<P>Bruises to the soul are harder to heal.

"My H used to beat me every chance he got, but he never once raised a hand to me."<P>Mine did too. His father does the same thing to his mother to this day. <P>There is another thread here where someone says why she stayed...<P>It doesn't start out "huge". It doesn't start out with them punching you in the face. It starts out with the verbal abuse, little by little. Your self-esteem starts going down the drain. The physical stuff might start out "small". Punching a hole in the wall is better than punching her, but the message is still the same "I could hurt you if I wanted to". It is still intimidation. Then its grabbing, or shoving. Next a slap, then it goes from there. It doesn't happen overnight. By the time the woman is getting the crap beat out of her, her self-esteem has been whittled down to nothing by her partner and those around her. Don't forget, our society also has tended to look the other way for a long, long time. <P>Instead of asking "why does the woman stay" (which blames the victime) why don't you ask "why does the man hit her". Her leaving will not change him. He will just go on to abuse the next woman. The focus is on the wrong person. The focus should be on the person doing the abusing. In FL, at least, if a domestic abuse call is made to the police, and they can see that someone has been attacked, the government will file charges. Period. The woman (and occasionally the man) cannot file charges then withdraw them later, which happens alot in domestic abuse.

TS,<P>I can see your point about asking why men hit. But you know what's funny? My stbx would never admit to hitting me. One time he beat the crap out of me in our bedroom while a friend of his was outside our house. When his friend finally heard all of the noise, he came in. A*S just looked at him and said "Man, I didn't do this!" He seriously said that!<P>He still to this day, won't admit to it. Even though I had a witness to it!! Amazing! Talk about denying you have a problem!<P>I know that looking ahead only asked the question to get some insight. It does kinda sound blaming though. I don't take it that way anymore. I will give as much info about what happened to me in the hopes that it will help someone else NOT be the victim anymore.<P>Mitzi <BR>

My ex hit me over the years. He never beat me black and blue, it was more like, we would be in the midst of an argument and he would hit me several times if I didn't agree with him. He used to pull my hair too. I wonder if he hits OW? Oh yeah, and he would shove me around too. Like I said, never enough to leave bruises...except to my soul. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

My WS had a very abusive relationship with the Chinless banshee OW, both verbal and physical because the banshee trapped him and the A was sustained for 2 years. WS said that he was a hostage to her threats because he constantly rejected her and the A ended when chinless knived him in public and landed in jail. <P>My WS was a very gentle person who turned very violent but still he never hit me even as I hit him. I think he is suffering from trauma and depression. WS said that he was living in hell as the OW staff refused to recognise that he only loved me and he told her to [censored] O*f all the time. Banshee hits him and he hits her - what sort of relationship does she hope to get from all this? I really think she is pyscho. I know I need to convince my WS to get rehabitative counselling because I know he has really repressed a lot of the anger and trauma; his health has deteriorated tremendously. Sometimes, I feel sorry for the father of my child. The monster in him was never there before and now the chinless psycho has put that monster in there. He screams and cries a lot.

My x never used his fists. He, too, used his fists. And it is just as hard to get over those bruises. He's been gone five years and still does it every now and then. <P>Shortly after he left, he came over one day and because I would not agree that we needed a divorce, he started screaming at me - with the 2 and 4 year olds in the next room. He shoved the dinng room table across the room and kept coming. I've seen him break things - pencils, rulers, coat hangers. Every now and then he still turns really red and waves his arms and yells at me.<P>Do I believe that the potential exists for him to hurt me. You bet!<P>BTW, the guy I'm dating says that he was often hit and punched by his x. His friends allude to the fact that she was "a piece of work." The statistics on domestic abuse against men are surprising if you've never read anything about it. This was a big shocker for me.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by looking ahead:<BR><B>Have you ever hit women in your lives and why? Do you feel justified afterwards or do you feel bad?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>The answer to the question is no, never. The answer to the spirit of the question is yes. I started to choke W when I learned about the infidelity. Justified? I could probably justify it and even find sympothy for my action. Feel bad? It is bar none the single most regretable moment in my life.

Thank you for your replies.<BR>Honest as they were.<BR>I hit my ex back a couple times, but then i also had to run like hell because after i hit him he felt that that give him full right to let loose on me.<BR>I'm by no means saying that i was right in my actions. Hitting who ever it is is wrong. As far as excuses go... I believe people make those up to help themselves feel better.

I don't mean to sound negative. But my soon to be X was addament that a man should never ever hit a woman. HE hated men that did! what kind of irony is that!

I am completely amazed at the observation that by hitting a spouse, you felt that you opened the door for him to hit you back.<P>The courts won't accept any excuse for hitting a woman. Before anyone gets any ideas about justifying hitting a woman, please be aware that the courts know the difference between a slap from a woman and a punch from the upper body strength of a man. It is a good way to wind up in a room with cast iron wall paper and no knob on your side of the door!<P>No I haven't hit a woman, but I did physically grab her hands and wrestle a gun from her. The only one hurt was me, as I had hold of the gun so tight that the hammer actually punctured my palm. She didn't set foot in that house again until it was sold.

that is very true.<BR>Somewhere in all of this i forgot that self esteem gets damaged and you come out knowing that you can't possibly function and think well rounded.<BR>But i have seen many court cases get pushed because she hit him too. The judge feels that she stayed and while she doesn't overpower him she antagizied.<P>It is a sad society that we live in.<BR>When women and men resort to violence.<BR>