First of all, I have been doing a lot of forum reading. Lots of good stuff out there and I am grateful to know that I am not alone.<p>I need some guidance.<p>My H (of 2 yrs) - my 2nd marriage, his 3rd - has been acting like an adolescent for some time. He demands 100% of my attention or he pouts. And I do mean POUTS.<p>For instance...today he came home from a retreat with 3 other men. He'd been gone for 3 days. When I saw him drive in, I went outside to meet him, hugged him, kissed him, told him that I missed him and loved him. I helped him clean out the car. Things were fine for those few minutes. When he came in the house he saw that I'd been wrapping gifts. I told him that I had to run one of our sons up to work and that I needed to stop at the grocery store to get a couple of things. He became very annoyed and left the room. To make a long story short, he did his "pouting thing" for the next few hours - telling me that he didn't know why I hadn't done these things while he was gone. After all, now that he was HOME, all of my attention should be on HIM.<p>We have had our share of problems - been to lots of counseling, some of which was very helpful - but the long and short of it is that he can't seem to believe that I love him unless he gets all of my attention and PLENTY of sexual attention (we're talking daily). If he doesn't get what he wants, he pouts. I'm not allowed to say that word in front of him anymore because it sends him into a tizzy.<p>But it is worse than living with a spoiled adolescent. His tantrums and pouting are driving me crazy. He keeps saying all he wants is for me to love him. I find that offensive because it is like saying that the only thing he will accept as being LOVE is sexual love or "adoration". <p>I am finding it harder and harder to be sexually attracted to him because it is DEMANDED. I want so much for him to believe that I love him, but I am so tired of this crazy selfish adolescent behavior. I have a life too. I have desires and needs and wants. They seem to be very secondary to his.<p>I need some input on this: is it wrong of me to say I don't want to be sexual when I just DON'T??! I'd like to make love 1-3 times a week. I think that's reasonable. But he doesn't. Then he gets SOOOOO mad at me when I'm not "into" it like he wants me to be. I've read the posts about settling for a tree - they made me smile! But he won't settle for any less than me being enthusiastic. <p>I'm tired of him being mad at me all the time and demanding his own way. I already have five kids - that's enough - I don't need him to be another one!<p>Am I being unreasonable? Should I just bite the bullet and give in? What about me? My faith is strong and I've been praying for ages about this - but things seem to get worse instead of better.<p>For information's sake, he has gone to group counseling for anger (he can be VERY verbally abusive and has scared me by pounding his fist in front of my face several times) and is now on Prozac although neither the groups or medication seem to have done much if any good.<p>Any thoughts would be most appreciated. I want to do what is right. I'm flexible and willing but tired of being walked all over.<p>Thanks!

Cathleen,<p>I don't think you're being unreasonable. Sex one to three times a week should be enough, especially with taking care of kids.<br>My wife sometimes tells me she simply doesn't want to have sex. I used to take that personally. I still don't like it sometimes but I don't take it personally any more. Our pattern runs sex one night, skip a night, sex again. Then two or three nights may go by before it happens again.<br>I know some couples where both spouses work and the wife does good to give sex a couple of times per month. I couldn't handle that but some people do.<br>I think you're husband should calm down and appreciate what he has before he loses it.

Bruce - Thanks for your encouragement. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what is "normal" anymore.<p>Yesterday afternoon he totally blew up at me for NO reason. Usually I can handle (at least outwardly) his outbursts, but I had been really nice to him all morning and didn't deserve his abuse. It really hurt and upset me. I'm not much of a crier, but I spent quite awhile in the shower crying my heart out about this roller coaster relationship.<p>He apologized later and things are a bit shaky, but better.<p>I really do try to please him. I work hard at keeping our home together - working full time and taking care of the kids and house. I don't get much help from him even though he thinks he does so much around here. I WANT to please him, but I don't want to sell out myself in the process. <p>I've read Dr. Harley's HNHN and my husband and I seem to be kind of different than the usual couple. His #1 need is sexual fulfillment. Then affection (which he also sexualizes). Other than that he says all he really needs is words of encouragement. I need domestic support (not money - just plain old ordinary HELP!) and recreational companionship. I'm a swimmer - he is scared to death of the water. I'm active - he's not. Sometimes I think I was NUTS to get married. But here I am.<p>I want him to be happy - but I would like to be too. Right now we just seem to be on a day-to-day roller coaster where the lows keep getting lower and the highs never seem quite as high as the last time. How do I keep from getting so discouraged? Any thoughts?