Well I have been working on the relationship for years, including therapy for both of us, and in the end she just can't seem to put any effort toward our marriage.<P>So I think we need to part ways for a bit to collect our thoughts and figure out what is next. I do just about all the house work, all of the yard work, and more than half of the kid duties (you guessed it she is a user).<P>Anyway I am wondering if I should get an apartment and move out or if I should tell her to move out.<P>I was thinking of consulting a lawyer so I don't jeapordize anything with the kids or financially.<P>Anyone been through this ?<BR>

Is that the worst you are suffering? can you suffer through this until the kids are in college?<P>life is not the best, but is there something better to show your kids?<P>I don't know your whole story, but sure doesn't sound like an impossible situation.<P>thl

Yeah there is more but I didn't repost it. I was "hanging in there" for the kids but they are both noticing the tension.<P>Basically my W is becoming to tough to live with due to mood swings (usually grumpy and aggitated).<P>I don't see where staying will present a good model for the kids now and I can't see sacrificing my chances at a normal, happy life, even though I know there is no "sure things" in life.<P>The influence of her dysfunctional friend, the lack of focus of her therapist, and a total disregard for the marriage makes even an optimist like me blind with pessimism.<P>She surely sees no value of me other than the high 6 figure income and the maid, nanny, and yard crew duties I provide.<P>I just think a break from the routine might do us good.

Have you considered her getting your W to a psychologist... and get treatment for possible depression?<P>BTW: Don't move out!<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited October 09, 2000).]

Check out the reading material on the effects of divorce on kids. Getting a divorce in many cases has very bad long term effects on children, and is considered as bad or worse than children growing up in even abusive households (which yours isn't). <P>"I can't see sacrificing my chances at a normal, happy life". Are you asking your kids to shoulder the emotional burden of divorce? They will have a very hard time understanding why their family stability was sacrificed so that YOU can be happy.<P>There are two recent threads that mention this information...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/articles/0,3266,55072-2,00.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.time.com/time/magazine/articles/0,3266,55072-2,00.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.cbn.org/living/family/divorceculture.asp" TARGET=_blank>http://www.cbn.org/living/family/divorceculture.asp</A> <P>You can hire someone to do more of the housework, yardwork, and even some of the childcare. I understand your frustration that she does not do more, but it seems that the main objective is to alleviate having all of the responsibility yourself. This would be relieved by hiring someone. You mentioned that you have a six-figure income, so the money doesn't seem to be an issue. I agree with some others that depression might be a factor with your wife. You signed up for life (didn't you?), and I'm afraid that does mean "for better or worse."

Both.<P>Do you have a friend or relative that could watch the kids for a weekend? Go some place you have never been, rent a room and try to get some some non-stressful quality time in. You need to discuss how each other feel and be willing to accept the others feelings. No conflict, just disclosure of emotions.

Oh, so you only want fairness? what you think is fair? If you do, and your wife remarries an anti-2dedicated, like mine: what will be the influence on the kids?<BR>Positive or negative?<P>I am an executive also, about the same income level, grad school education, non smoker, hard worker, athletic, and youth sports coach.<P>I have been replaced by a non college educated, smoking, manual laborer, non athletic, beer belly. the anti-thl.<P>Now what message is that giving my kids? Pure and simple, it sucks, it is the wrong message to say that a hard working, intelligent, competitive athlete, is not a better role model for you kids, than the potential of what your wife could end up with.<P>think about it, you can't kick her out unless she agrees, so if she doesn't, you have to file a kick out order, and probably go through a contested divorce. Is that what you want to show your kids? That that is easier than dealing with what life has thrown you, which is not the best?<P>sounds like some depression on your part, 2dedicated, and some unfulfilled expectations , or some entitlements, which you seem to think that everyone is entitled to.<P>Realistically, which is better, with what you can control now, or with what you can't control in the future?<P>think about it.<P>thl<P>BTW, my STBX talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk when it comes to these type of examples, such as education, and personal growth.<P>