OK, stop, breathe but don't "take a minute to think!" Follow your heart. Believe me, I have done this my whole life and sometimes it blows up in my face, but I live with very few regrets.<P>If you feel love in your heart, don't let your mind rationalize it away. Take a chance. And don't be discouraged if his first reaction is negative - give it some time to sink in with him. It sounds like this is a big shift in your actions and feelings - it may be overwhelming to him at first, but I guarantee he WILL think about it.<P>My wife left over 7 months ago and I pray every morning and every night that one day she will feel the same way you now feel. But I will be honest - as happy as I will be when she comes back, my first reaction will be cautious and reserved. My heart has been broken so badly, that it will be hard to let her back in. But, if your husband loves you, he will "let you back in". As I would my wife.<P>But the more you think about it, the more reasons you will come up with why it isn't a good idea. [Religious stuff here] You see the devil loves to play on our minds. He knows he can't get into our hearts because that is God's domain. So he will do everything in his power to place bad thoughts, fears and anger in your mind. If you are strong enough to follow your heart, God will help you overcome these thoughts and fears.<P>Trust in yourself, trust in your husband, trust in love and finally trust in God.<P>No matter what the outcome, I guarantee you will feel better knowing that at least you tried.<P>God bless you and send you the strength you need in this decision!

I know he will make the right decision for him. Unfortunatly he has a girlfriend now and the comfort and security he feels with her may undoubtedly turn him to her.

I feel like I should be telling him reasons why to come back while he is thinking about it. Just in case he forgets something. Or should I just leave him alone?

Is there a more appropriate place to post this? I'm not getting any responces and I am desperate!!!!!!

not-so-sure,<P>You are getting responses. It just takes time to think of the best things to tell you.<P>Are you not seeing response?? I hope so.<P>Talk with your H. Tell him what you feel and then let him think about it and talk to you. Whatever you don't get mad at what he says. Understand this will be hard for him to understand that after all this time you want to try again. <P>You both will need to take it slow, but this is a doable thing. So calm down, think, and do what your heart tells you. Don't be afraid of his reaction. WhenIfindthetime and SoTired2000 have given you great advice follow it.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

so what do i do if he says no. he would rather persue the new relationship he has. is there any hope from there??

he says he is angry right now....I know this is a stupid question but why would he be so angry.....i can see sad....<P>or am i just loosing it

There is always hope. Why would he be mad? You left him right? Now you say that you may have made a mistake - many men would be furious. Why? Because of all the pain and hurt they endured. But the good news? Time does heal all pain.<P>While he may be angry now. At least he will know that you want to still try. After he calms down (maybe a day/week/month/?) he may decide that he wants to try again as well. But if you never say anything to him about how you now feel, there is a good chance he will just keep going....

at this point i think i have said everything i feel... <P>he said he had to push away all his feelings for me to get through me leaving him.. if he was ablt to get rid of all the feelings he may never get them back

he is also angry because now the decision for the family and marrige is now on his shoulders. how can i fix this or reasure him....there has to be something i can do.

I keep thinking of things to say to him......should I or should I give him this time to think? I'm affraid if I don't say it he won't know my true feelings. But I don't want to push him away.

His anger is in response to his pain. I cannot tell if you have told him or not. Would you please write more than one sentence and tell us where this situation is now.<P>Have you told him how you feel? If so what did he say? What did you say? <P>If you haven't told him, then why not? Afraid he may be angry? Yep, he will be. The pain of all of this, the work to suppress his feelings are all being brought back to the surface. Most men respond to pain with anger. The old fight or flight response. Don't be surprised.<P>How do you deal with it. Read the information here. Learn what is here and you will know how to deal with getting him back. Will it work, no guarentees, but if you don't try the answer is obvious.<P>I get the impression that you filed for the divorce. If you don't want it now, you can stop it or suspend the proceedings. That is your choice not H's choice. Do it if you are not sure. Then talk more with H.<P>Tell him it is both of your decision to make about the marriage. Not just on his shoulders.<P>Please keep posting but help us here by writing down where you are. Then we can consider it and give you better answers to your questions.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

We have been separated since April. I asked him to move out. We have been married for 14 years. The second year he had an affair. 5 years ago he said he didn't know if he loved me. last september he had an internet fling. All of these incidents happened because of emotional needs not being met. We found this web site in October of last year. I went to another job in november that required me to work nights. so we saw each other only on weekends. We grew more and more apart and I wasn't willing to give my job up and was actually not willing to give anything up. I wanted my friends, job and my pot. So in april i asked him to move out. I february he had realized that i was the one and he trully loved me. after all hell broke loose. he was smothering me i felt. looking back i should have felt good about all the attention not bothered by it. i wanted the separation because i couldn't think straight in the house with both of us there. so for 6 months i have been telling him in no way would we be getting back together and staying away from him. i tend to cause caos in my life for no reason and haven't figured out why. so 6 months later i realize this was wrong. <P>i'm thinking mental problems here. <P>

not-so-sure<P>Yep, I would think that you, regardless of anyone else, need to seriously consider counseling for yourself. And call around to find out who is the best, and sign up NOW!<P>It doesn't matter if he comes back or not, YOU need to get better, YOU need to sort yourself out, and NOONE else can do that other than YOU!<P>You can't be married and not be healthy, you need to be healthy FIRST, and married SECOND!<P>thl