Wow, back to civilization again.<P>Spent 4 days in the desert, trying to not miss my H as motocrossing was really his hobby. We had a good time, kids played a lot, I had plenty of quiet time to reflect about things. <P>Anyway, got back and H had come into the house to get his mail. He put his arm through the dog door and unlocked the door and came in. I had asked him to go to the neighbor that had a key and she would let him in to get his mail.<P>I called him when I found this out and he laughed it off, said it was an advantage to having a long arm, that I should give him a key. I said he left us, he walked away and no he wans't getting a key. I had an anxiety attack, didn't sleep at all last night, called him this morning and said I really didn't want him to come in the house if we weren't here. He said he pays the mortgage still, that he has a right to get his mail. I said he's been gone for over 2 months, why am I still having to deal with his mail issues. He said that he was being responsible, while we were all out partying. <P>He is very angry right now, I again told him I didn't want a divorce, that I only responded to him as it was what he wanted, that I didn't understand and probably never would, he just got angrier and said he was looking up, I then said I worried about him, and that I missed him over the weekend. He got quiet and said thank you for that.<P>He talks to his attorney today, he wants to find out if doing collaboration keeps the kids out of mediation. That is actually to his advantage that they don't go there. <P>I am SO confused, I hurt so much, but I'm trying to move on with my life. I think H is just beginning to comprehend all that he has begun to destroy. How come one's mind can accept that you're probably better off on your own, yet one's heart keeps screaming that it is so very wrong? How come the one person that is hurting you is the one you want to hold for support? <P>Lori
