In the middle of a long "discussion" Mon night, my x informed me that she and om are getting married in Dec. This will be on a weekend she was supposed to have the kids but told me last month that they were going away and wouldn't be taking the kids. I guess the marriage isn't that important that she would include the kids. I am happy at that!<P>AS for her getting married, I really don't care. It didn't affect me at all. So I guess it is all over for us or at least me, as its been over for us for a long time.<P>Somehow I knew she was getting married. Its weird, a lot of things have been happening recently and I pretty much have anticipated them. I guess my ESPn is working pretty well.<P>

Bob,<P>I am so happy to hear that you are OK with this. I suspect my ex and his OW are on that list of to be married as well. I know I am going on to a better life, but I will still be bothered by that marriage, I am sure of it.<P>Hope all is well with you,<BR>Dana<BR>

<BR>Bob mentioned:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I guess my ESPn is working pretty well.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah, but my guess is that your ex's marriage would be carried on ESPN2 at best. <P>Bystander<BR>

Bob,<BR>I am glad you are OK with this (as the smiley face on the post suggests.)<BR>How are your kids with this news? Do they in fact know?<BR>There will or should be issues around her not wanting/taking them to the wedding itself.<BR>I know you are delighted about this (as would I be) but how will they feel?

Bob,<P>I can relate - my ex got married shortly after our divorce. I was interested in how your exW seems to put her own interests and trips beofre the kids. Certainly my exH has had little to no contact with my boys, whom he had raised. Truly - virtually no contact at all - I can count less than a half dozen times in total.<P>I have done a lot of thinking about this. I think one of the greatest factors in some of these divorces - ours included, is that the WS just wanted to give up on all the responsibilities attached to being married to us. Mine gave up the house/yard (now lives on a houseboat), the family responsibilities (she has one child who lives in another state and he almost never contacts any of his natural children and never contacts mine whom he helped to raise), and has certainly cut his social obligations to the bone, too. Don't you think this is more a statement about their own self-gratification than anything else could say? At least, I sure do think so.<P>Glad you are doing OK with it all. I also knew in my heart he would marry the OW, and he did. I was surpirsed at how soon it occurred, though, but was not upset. I really don't believe it will last at all anyway.<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Willbok,<BR>I don't know if the kids know or not. Off the top of my head I think they will be okay. My son has asked me a couple times if I am going to marry the woman I am currently seeing. My d answered the phone the other day and the person asked for my x and my d answered "she doesn't live here anymore." Before she always answered she can't come to the phone. So I think the kids have accepted the divorce and are moving on. <P>I used to think everytime there was a problem with the kids, it had to do with the divorce. Now I'm beginning to think that it hasn't affected them much at all.<P>Desiree,<BR>I agree with you. The one counselor we had both talked to said, was that my x had always lived with her head, trying to do the right thing and all she could see was that she was unhappy. Now she is living by her heart, and doing only what makes her happy.<P>The same counselor told me she was real interested in getting married to om last year(we weren't even divorced yet!). I was kind of suprised that she waited this long, 9 months. I guess now she has known om almost as long as she knew me before we got married.<P>I think she had guilt trip which resulted in her call Mon night.<P>She called to say that she was concerned about our daughter being real resentful and disrespectful of her and our son said to everybody. SHe kept saying how she understood why d was resentful, but she wasn't going to put up with the disrespect. Then she went into how I need to keep a close eye on her, how she is at a vulnerable point of her life. She was concerned because she felt d was acting out and that I could "lose her in an instance." She was concerned because d told her they were "grinding" at the 7th grade dance till the teachers broke it up.<P>Meanwhile x was the one that told our d to wait till she was 18 before having sex. She also okayed d to go tping and that she would would drop her off in the neighborhood if she wanted. While tping is not that big of deal, I am not going to condone it. <P>So now she is concerned about d's vulnerable state, well its about a 2 yrs too late for that.<P>It was funny too in that she kept getting back to the lack of respect. I finally asked her, doesn't she think that d may have lost respect for her?? She of course blamed me for the kids attitudes.<P>This discussion also included (it was a wide ranging discussion) that she was angry because I didn't ask her to watch the kids I go out of town in Nov. SHe said we could swap weekends since she was going out of town in Dec. I said I figured she would be working. SHe said she could make arrangements or that om could watch them as he is a responsible step parent.<P>Thats when I pointed out he isn't a step parent, just her boyfriend. Thats when she told me thats why they are going out of town in Dec. <P>We also got into the definition of responsible. I pointed out that he had had 2-3 affairs and was fired from his last two jobs. I also threw in that he is bi-polar and likes guns. So why would I be comfortable with that?<P>Her counter arguements were in regards to the affairs, she, my x lied about them. The jobs, he wasn't fired from either of them. The last one he left because they brought someone in that was after him. And that was why she left because she was next! Can we say denial and paranoia!!<P>Anyhow nothing was accomplished other than me making my points clear. I usually let her say things and drop them but this time I couldn't let her ramble on.

Bob,<P>What an interesting conversation. Your exW is "creating" the illusion that she wishes was reality. When their new marriage ends, and I feel 100% convicted that it will (not necessarily because it began from an affair -more from the fact that it will have begun from a base not founded in reality), maybe she will eventually look back and see her mistakes. Sounds like she is now telling you about the guy she is fabricating her OM to be - not the guy he really is. <P>Our kids are not stupid. They have seen enough infidelity on TV and movies to know the score. Maybe you aren't there behind the scenes lauding her and her behavior to your kids. But, she is not giving them the example they should see in order for them to respect her. Lip service means nothing - actions are what counts. The kids are judging her on her own actions and nothing more. I wonder why she feels YOU should be responsible for that???? I would only say one thing - if you are trashing her in any way, don't do it. it really isn't necessary, and from your posts, I doubt that you do it. I don't trash my exH, but if the kids ask something about him, I don't lie to cover for him. He is standing on his own merit, and I guess I should say in their eyes, he is faltering big time.<P>She ought to enjoy all the time she can with htme now. In a few short years, they will be off on their own and surely not worrying about spending time with her at all. They always come "HOME" to roost, and that is going to be with you, as you have provided the stability and shelter they know as home. Maybe she won't miss that, or then again maybe one day she will miss the close connection to them. From your conversation, I would have to say that she is already beginning to miss it somewhat. She just doesn't seem prepared to understand that she is causing the rift and how to bridge the gap. Too sad.....<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

My Ex married his OW only four months after our divorce was final. This was after he took over two years to finally work out a settlement with me (no kids). She has been married twice before, so I don't think this marriage will last any longer than the others (first one - 1 year - "Starter Marriage", second one, a little over four years.) I call her his "next ex-wife"!!! Or maybe I should call him her "next ex-husband", since she has gotten rid of two husbands already. She was the initiator in both divorces. All I can say is, easy come, easy go!!<P>Dana - I feel the same way you do - it did bother me when he married her so quickly. I considered myself married for life and took my marriage vows very seriously. Then he trashes me for some twice-divorced, mentally unstable person with no regard for the sacredness of marriage, either her own or someone else's. I, also could never even consider getting back together with him, no matter how I might wish it could be possible. His self-righteous attitude and abominable behavior make it unthinkable.

Bob,<P>Thanks for your post to my update...<P>I have (or shortly will have) followed you through divorce...<P>I know... in a matter of weeks (maybe a few months)... she will mot certainly marry the OM.<P>I pray she doesn't force the kids to go to that marriage...<BR>I pray... I pray... I pray...<P> <P>Jim

Desiree,<BR>I really haven't said much. There have been 2-3 comments made to my daughter, and only 1-2 to my son disparaging their mother. She doesn't even come up as a topic, unless my s talks about what he did at her house over the weekend.<P>Jim,<BR>I am kind of suprised that the kids weren't involved in the wedding to. I thought from the start she was trying to replave me with om as he was always around them.<P>I figure they are flying to FL where his mother lives. I don't know who would attend the marriage here if she had one. I guess her parents won't even be there. <P>That has to be a wedding to be proud of, you don't invite your kids or your family!!!

Bob,<P>I agree, a wedding should be one your proud to have your kids and family at! I guess I still don't know what to say about this, just wanted to pop in and say hi, and I bet I follow your post soon with a similar one.<P>Prayers, Dana<BR>

Bob,<P>How funny - my exH only invited one of his 3 kids to his wedding, too! Wonder how proud he was of it? No telling. I am just amamzed at some of the similarities, here.<P>Have a good one, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

I'm glad you're taking the news so well. My x got married this month but he has yet to tell me. I've heard from the children, who were in it, that they got married and he finally introduced me to this woman but never commented on the status of the relationship.<P>Having met her, I can honestly say, he didn't "trade up". If that's the best he could do, I guess I can ROFLMAO. <P>I'm no supermodel but you might think so if you saw the two of us (W1 {me} and W2 {her}) side by side.

Cinderella,<BR>I know what you mean. I had always thought that if my w would leave me it would be for some rich doctor.<P>When I found out it was respiratory therapist who drove a sports cars, I pictured a young guy with a sporty two seat convertable.<P>I about fell over laughing when I first saw him. The guys is 2-3 years older than me, but looks to be about 10 yrs older. He walks slouched over and with a limp. His sports car is and 1989 Firebird in okay condition, its not even in mint condition. I know he can't be making that much money plus I don't think he is working that much anyway. So he must be quite the conversationalist which she said I lacked.