I always appreciate when someone comes back to the forum and lets people know how they are doing. I have met and got to know many of the forum members from two years ago. I deeply care about everyone from way back, all those who have passed through, and those who are here now. Most of you don't know this screen name and I am happy you don't know my insane ramblings! I don't know how long, if ever, this forum and the people here will not be in my thoughts daily. <P>Thank you doctors Harley for providing this site. While I hope your advertisers do well and that you've sold your books and tapes, the fact that this site exists, with excellent software, free of charge, shows a dedication to your fellow humans beyond financial gain.<P>D-day, as we call it, was it October 11 when I got that "feeling" or November 11 when I read the email on his computer, it doesn't matter now. I was numb, didn't eat, didn't go to work and spoke with no one for 7 days. I lay down and stayed that way. When I got up I grabbed hold of my computer and found this site.<P>It was one giant forum back then with the various stages and circumstances of infidelity all bundled. I read a bit and sent out my distress message. Here there were some answers, something proactive in the face of a total loss of control over my life. Thank you "K" and "HGBrauner" for your kindness and for replying at all. These two forum posters quite literally stopped me from putting a bullet in my head. Thank you to ALL the many others who took the time and caring to reply.<P>I married at age twenty-five and three years later my H was having an affair with a girl at work. The usual hell ensued, the lies, the cruelty, the silence, the talks, the tears, the marriage counseling. I was 29 years old and my life was a living hell. After nine months I let the marriage go. I could not see how I would ever be able to have a life with this person after all that had gone down.<P> I spent the next six years in therapy and drinking a lot for the first two of those years. I got happy again. About four years into this I met my next H and one year later married him. Two years into this marriage he's out on the internet meeting women and in one week participating in a real life singles group.<P>H went on a prolonged business trip and a hideous creature returned, red in the face, spitting, and hollering at the top of his lungs "get out, I need my space". So, I packed a small bag, my cat and left. Three days later the singles group helped him pack my things and I was gone for good. I thought the marriage could be saved through counseling and MB techniques. But, that H was having none of it. My calm and Plan A angered him. I was the obstacle, the person standing in the way of his newfound group of friends and single women.<P>I know many people here struggle with infidels who flip/flop and return to the OP and somehow they make it through multiple discoveries. There are beautiful marriages and recoveries happening here. I could not handle another marriage tainted by infidelity. <P>I filed for divorce in December and in late January had some divorced guy coming on to me. He asked if he could call me and my reply was "I don't care, it's your nickel". He called and we talked. I was in pain, bitter and rude. He called many, many times and slowly I stopped being rude and careless with his feelings. It took months but one day I realized this is a nice guy, he is real and most important, I had feelings for him. Wow, I could feel again!! I married him 12/28/99, so far, so good.<P>I think I have had the young and confused infidel in my first marriage and the classic MLC infidel in marriage number two - learned that here MB. I have therapised (sp) and soul searched for some answers in all this. What am I that causes husbands to go out and have affairs? I have a million answers and then I have none. The only definite with infidelity and its many varieties is pain. <P>My biggest regret in all of this is that I lost my reproductive years and spent a long time healing after my first marriage. The years when I could have been having a child were spent married to infidels or recovering from a failed marriage. I do so much want to love a child.<P>I have survived and have survived well. It was all my internal doing to overcome the pain, the profound grief, the anger, and move forward with life. This last time I had someone lovingly nudging me, a strong and established relationship with my therapist, a supportive family, friends, and MB. I am so very thankful for all the kindness and wisdom that is available for those who need it.<P>I am strong. After all this hell there is not much that comes my way that I can't handle. I am strong for others now too. The one thing I can do in this world of throw-away marriage and concession to infidelity is hold out my hand to others going through this. I now know the power of a hug, an understanding word, a phone call, and LISTENING. I can and have sent others to MB and I have seen marriages saved.<P>I visit MB and apply the real-world wisdom and the Harley principles to a new, fresh and untarnished marriage. For anyone doubting the power of these concepts and this website, here is one person who considers herself 99.9% recovered and successful in a new relationship.<P>I hope you all find your way to happiness and peace, whatever that may be for you.<P>

Nice to see old friends dropping by. I'm glad to hear that you're recovering you life in such fine form, InShock!!!<P>God bless you, and congratulations on your marriage!

well, you did it.<BR>you made me cry... brat !!!<P>And you just remember that you DO have the answer - the ONLY answer: You did NOTHING to make those men cheat on you - just like all other things people do, they DECIDED to cheat. Each subscribed to the "Self above the marriage" motto that so many seem to swallow lock stock and barrel. You didn't do anything.<P>say hi to hubby for me. <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>