City Girl, I felt i had to write you. I have a prayer journal of over 10 years worth of praying for my now X. I still find myself asking God why my prayers for my husband were not answered. I mean, I was faithful, consistent, loyal, "submissive",...all I desired was a Godly marriage, which I prayed in faith for as that is His desire, too. I filed March of 99, final this last July. I still feel at times separated from Him. I couldn't live with this man anymore. I had nothing left to give. I died. And even though I was the one to file, I'm struggling emotionally, and though I know He loves me, I have never experienced this much heartache. Not even through processing my childhood hurts. But, like my Mom reminds me, I can't live with someone who emotionally abuses me. Everyone I need to be in contact regarding my X, like realtors, lawyers, people who've never even met him, 5 minutes into the converstion, they're saying "this guy is a controller". I am still struggling with the "Why, God, Why?"<BR>I dont' think I made you feel any better, but just wanted to let you know that there are alot of us here going through the same faith issues, albeit, different situations. That in and of itself is helping me greatly<BR>Love, K<P>------------------<BR>It's the mended oyster that turns the pain into a pearl.

JDQ,<P>Thanks for sharing your struggles. The worst part, besides the rejection and shattered dreams, is trying to find God through this whole painful experience. Knowing He is in control and could turn the whole situation around, trying to have faith and hope and watching that hope get shattered, is unbearable. When I read some other marriage restoration sites and read testimonies of what God did in other marriages, I keep asking Why Not Mine??? I feel like God let me get my hope built up and then He let me down too.<P>This has been by far the most painful, gut wrenching experience of my life and when people tell me that God is here carrying me through but I FEEL like I'm crawling through, I feel totally abandoned and alone.<P>It does feel better to know others are struggling with their faith through this thing. I wish I understood if this is just part of the plan He has for my life or if He is punishing me for something, or He just wanted to bring me to the end of myself so I'd draw closer to Him, or if He is just up there watching and not caring about my pain.<P>I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I know that must have been an extremely hard decision to make. I wish you peace.<P>God Bless.<P>Does anyone know if Adam and Eve are going to be in heaven, cuz I would sure like to slap them upside the head. <P><BR>

City Girl,<BR> No, I don't believe God is "punishing" us. I believe in a God Who loves me and in His Grace is leading me to something. How do you reconcile a God Who "allows" a child to be molested in her own home? I was from the time I was 5 till 13. Did my mother "deserve" this? Did I deserve to be molested? Did I "deserve" to be in a loveless marriage? No...I am still struggling through issues that may never be reconciled, but my mustard seed faith, and His everlasting love is the only thing getting me through. Those around me say I am very strong. Well, I just had a thought!! IT'S NOT ME!!Wow...thank you Lord. I feel more like I'm failing through my "flailing". I have a friend who is an incredible source of strength for me right now, but she's gone till Thursday, so I'll be relying on this site heavily.<BR>I really believe that we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, because we're being moved anyway, just in the rising and setting of the sun. And if we can help each other in grace..lots of grace...it helps lighten our burdens, and boy do I need that.

You've both made me cry for various reasons.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy