<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> My x told me she had been unhappy for years, possibly 10 yrs. Last Sun would have been out 17 yr anniversary. She told me too that she cried her self to sleep many a night but she never let me know. Now I admit I am slow on some things, I can not believe that I missed that.<P>Her chief complaints while we were married was that I was no open enough emotionally for her and I wasn't affectionate enough. She did<BR>"mention" going to a marriage encounter weekend, 3 maybe 5 times over our marriage. The last one being on the same weekend as our kids swimming championships. She mentioned it and laid out the brochure, but that was it. She never mentioned it again. That was maybe 2-3 yrs ago.<P>I do admit to taking her for granted and I was not real affectionate, probably in her terms. But when she left me she gave a huge laundry list of "my" problems. Problems which I did not see until I started reading and this website.<P>In looking back I now do see she was unhappy, and may or may not have blamed me for that unhappiness. I think she did have a MLC and then om came along and she took that as a way to get out of her unhappy marriage and look for happiness.<P>Will she find that happiness? I don't know, but unless she changes something, she never will. I see her at my kids sporting events and she does not even talk to anyone. She reportedly works 60 hrs per week, 20 miles from where she lives, so how can she have a relationship with those people. She has given up on her family, her friends and her church.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bob, those words were spoken to me also, that STBX was unhappy for a long time. She complained that I am not affectionate, and when I was it was not real. I was told I was not longer real. My STBX asked if we could buy a pop up tent trailer, that to replace a beach house. I disagreed, and said it was cheaper to rent. I was also stressed out at work at the time, so it wasnt a great time to be asking.<P>Bob, these people do not know how to communicate. They do not treasure their kid's activities as much as their own. Mine says she does, but in not as much in practice as theory. They do not know what they are looking for.<P>Bob, we all make mistakes. Our families of origin may not have been the same as theirs, but it was just fine, if not better. But our families showed us how to love in different ways.<P>Hey, my STBX complained about my affection, at first because I wanted her, then she complained about my not being affectionate. Some people think they get what they want by complaining. <P>Don't put yourself down, being different is not bad, we are just not them. you are just not her. It takes two to understand each other, and there needs to be education on each side. and patience on each side, and growth on each side.<P>and some of these people are just frickin weird!<P>Bob, you are dong fine, you are still sensitive to being hurt by the affair, and it will take time to get over, but it will.<P>Just don't rush into anything new tooo fast without learning about what is right for you.<P>thl<BR>

thl,<BR>Thanks for the kind words. You are right, she does not appreciate the kids things, only hers. Just on Sat I heard her tell our d that she is going to a wedding on Sat, her weekend with the kids and that d should find somebody to spend time with that day. The woman only takes the kids 2, maybe 3 nights per week and she has to go to a wedding on the day she could spend with them.<P>As for myself, I no longer am beating myself up. I see it as more and more as her problem.<BR>Since I've been dating it doesn't seem so bad being single afterall.<P>