If by chance you decide to remarry, and for those of you who are on your second marriages,<P>How far away would you consider moving from the XS and the kids?<P>In other words, if we decide to live near the XS, then I guess we are limited to remarriages of only local people, or people who are willing to live in this town.<P>Would that be a good assumption? I am just thinking, struggling with future thoughts, and stilljust trying to make sense of where else I could go in the future, <P>currently the answer is not far, which is fine for the kids, but just curious.<P>thl

Not farther than 30 min by car. Not that it was a decision to live near X, but a decision to stay near kids, and give kids continual access to both of us as well. <P>Once you (or she) move across state or farther, you have small influence and effect in their lives. <P>Don't worry, it's only another 10 years or so! Or until they decide to live with you only. <P>thl, I thought you were in a major eastern population area? Gotta be thousands of eligible dates within range.

Thl,<P>I know that you really think things through thoroughly, but it sounds as if you are way ahead of yourself on this one?? A second marriage already????(LOL)<P>Where you move should be what and where you want to be, after evaluating your life's priorities for you. Since I guess you are really into reevaluating so much.........new life,home career, etc, this question too, does arise. <P>What ever you do decide you might consider the following:<P>How much more /less of your children you want to see. Since from what I understand you were perhaps a "workaholic", you might want to consider becoming a "superdad" and spending more time guiding your children in their lives. This involves being there for them more, especially as you are a non-custodial parent.<BR>Moving far away from them, even 30 minutes, will sever this to some extent. As they get older and become more independent, then the closer you live to their home, means that if you connect well with them, then they will be free to, and want to spend much more time with you. Is this something you are perhaps thinking about? Your son, as he ages, does need a very positive role model, especially as he will be living with mom and sister. <P>Will you have the time to be with him as he needs to...not as you need to? <P>Then there are some non-custodial parents who live 5 minutes from their children and hardly see them!!!<P>I still am blamed for the fact that my son sees little of his dad...one night for dinner a week and hardly much else...but it is my fault that this is the case when in fact it is my son who makes his own arrangements! <P>Stbx still will not communicate with me in any way about visitation (concerning daughter) etc, except by occasional memo which he has a courier deliver!!!!!<BR>

I was just thinking, after talking with some co workers who moved to stay close to their kids. I was just wondering, going through the exercise of what-if at the total opposite of what I feel at the moment.<P>No, I don't even want to date another woman,<BR>it was more thinking of relocating for work, although I hope to get a near perfect job with an interview in the near future.<P>Karenna, great read, Passionate Marriage. Found some very reaffirming passages in there relative to my situation. Thanks for the exclamation, although when I read your first post about the discovery, i envisioned an<BR>"EUREKA", seeing that you are relatively near the 1870's gold rush location. (as compared to moi.) Actually, I believe that the neocortex development in STBX, which undergoes final development between ages 16 and 22, didn't not complete as normally expected, and is genetically underdeveloped.<P>As far as dates go, yes there are alot of<BR>possibilities. however, i'm much more picky, and knowledgable now, and expect to have a hard time finding someone as eclectic as i would like.<P>Besides, since the STBX's newest BF is not an intellectual powerhouse, (no offense Karenna), and non-athletic, smoker, etc (the pure anti-thl) I have to spend as much time as possible to keep the kids' head on straight about education, hard work, etc. Previously A+ 11 yo now hates school, and after he failed his first test, he didn't get any indulgence from dad, unlike his mom. he has since gone back to A's after discussions with Dad.<P>i straightened out STBX about 8 yo d's study habits, after 3 weeks of school, and STBX thanked me profusely because she is blind to providing family structure when needed. <P>Willbok, you all of a sudden stopped posting as much as you used to, do I detect total defeat, or just no fight left, or overpowered by XH?<P>Yes, the workaholic is slowly disappearing, and the goal is slowly changing, because the circumstances above. Actually, my professional motivation has dwindled since the takeover, new boss for whom I have no respect, and the pending divorce. The goal is still a house in a nearby neighborhood, but the CS really puts a damper on affordability in my upper middle class town.<P>it is depressing, though, even after meeting someone else with an XW exactly like my STBX. At least I don't feel totally rejected, just occassionally, depressed for the kids and what they have as an influence on their lives now. Mine wasn't perfect, but it was better than STBX's current situation.<P>thl<P>