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Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 3 |
OK...My wife and I have been having a lot of problems for the past few months...It seems like all we have been doing is argue...She tells me that I'm too controling (and I admit I am to an extent> But it's not on purpose.<p>She left me about a month ago to go to her parents to regroup...Told me it'd only be a week...Then she changes her mind and decides she is not coming back until I get a job keep it and get our own place...Thing is she's making $1.25 less without many benifits down there than she was here...She gave up her benifits here and she's pregnant...I've already aggreed to go to counseling and to change...But how can I prove it to her without being with her?<br>
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 3,045
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 3,045 |
The book Compelled to Control by Miller is quite insightful. 12 step process to overcome this destructive part of some of us. An issue in my relationship with husband. He is the control freak and it is pretty tough to deal with, but he is/was trying.
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Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 36
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Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 36 |
z<p>[This message has been edited by CarlLaFong (edited 02-12-99).]
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Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 3 |
I would think that a month or so would be a reasonable amount of time...But it'll be at least 3 more months before we have enough money to get our own place....I've tried to tell her that I need her here for emotional support and needs but she won't listen...I've done everything that I know to try to show and prove to her that I won't act the way I amve been in the past
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Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 102
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Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 102 |
Shadowlf - <p>As I have learnt the hard way - saying that you have/will change is not enough... actions are stronger than words...<br>you will realize that you have a lifetime of "actions" ahead of you - no rest for the weary. Look at how you have been acting/reacting. How she expects you to act. Are there ways you could act differently, unexpected? She might notice that. Then give her time, AND keep working on those changes!<br>J
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Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 60
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Joined: Nov 1998
Posts: 60 |
When we first meet and are attracted to someone, they are usually complete and independent. As we grow toward a romantic relationship we become dependant and sometimes that dependancy becomes a noose around the neck of our spouse.<br>If your spouse wants you to save money and get a place of your own, then do it. Continue to deposit love units, no recriminations because she won't come home, just updates on how you are doing.<p>Look at it this way, you really cannot control whether she comes home or not, but you can control whether or not you save enought to get a place on your own. Work on what YOU can control....your own actions and responses not hers!!
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Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 1998
Posts: 3 |
That is true...I can control my own actions and not hers...Of course it didn't help my case that she had gotten out of a abusive (physically and emotionally) a couple of months before we met...Caused her to be more wary ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <p>It is lonely..For both of us...She does get mad at me sometimes...But all she wants to do is curl up in my arms and cry
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