When you found out about the Affair..even months afterwards..did you call your wife names?? ex.."Slut, whore, *****, tramp,<BR>go through any I hate you's?? and any and every other vile name you could think of??

No, its more "this is so stupid! all she had to do was converse with me instead of yelling, and talking with anger."<P>Hey, I have been there, its very hard, but extremely powerful growth if you choose to use it as such. You learn what it takes to get your needs met. Sometimes, you don't even understand what your needs are until something like this happens.<P>However, you can't be so selfish that you don't take into account the effect it will have on your kids. Your happiness, versus the development of your kids. The harder route is working through the reasoning so that you are comfortable with what has happened.<P>have i digressed too much?<P>thl

I am not a betrayed spouse, I am the betraying spouse. I am also a female, but in answer to your question...my h has called me more names than I care to mention. We are not divorced yet. We have been trying to get past this, but he did tell me tonight he was tired of trying. My children ages 7 -11 have heard many of the names that I have been called also. The older ones (10 & 11) even know what I did. That hurts more than the name calling.

Yes, I called her all those names, and she said she understood.<P>I also told her after calming down that calling her names and being angry was really the last thing I wanted to do, but it was difficult not to.<P>She said she understood. I think she fully realizes the wrong she's done. She also states that if she were ever to want to reconcile (as I have expressed 2 or 3 times over the months) that I would "hang this over her head."<P>If she ever indicated any reconciliation want, depending on the delivery, sincerity, and how much wrong she would own up to, I would NOT hang this over her head.<P>Her regrets would have to include the break up of our family, the selfishness, the damage to our daughter, the loss of our dream home, the financial costs, etc...<P>I don't want her to come begging and pleading, I would only seek to have sincerity mixed with remorse, and most importantly, willingness to communicate as any problems she says we had in the marriage were NEVER communicated to me.<P>Jay

I am the betrayed spouse, and I am the one who gets called all those names. I was always faithful to him for 11 years, and very devoted and loving. I almost feel like the names he calls me are more applicable to the OW .<P>I know a few men who have been cheated on and they don't really call their ex's names like that.<BR>

No I did not use any of those names, I was angry but I feel it is my fault. You see if I had met her needs there would have been no affair, I think!

T-R,<BR>I did one time in a fit of anger. This was within a month of after x moved out and she was forcing om on the kids. My son was at his grandmother's (her mothers) and she decided to take om along to get him. I lost it big time when I found out, and I told her she was living like a whore.<P>I did appologize at a later date but she never forgave me for it. <P>She also called herself a whore during our first reconciliation attempt. She told me that om had had 2-3 other affairs and I asked her if she has gotted tested for STDs. She said she then realized what she had done and in fact had been living like a whore.<P>It didn't seem to effect her much though as she did go back to him and now they are planning on getting married.

I never did because I didn't wish to hurt her.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

No, I haven't called her names, because I understand how it happened. I think she is making a big mistake, and will someday regret throwing away a wonderful 20 year relationship with mwe for someone else, but I can do nothing about that. <P>I care for her very deeply & most probably always will, so I could never call her names.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

I know he was angry and hurt and I've thought those things many times about myself..over the years..even felt them as a child growing up so why should he feel any differently???<P>Was made to feel that way by my dad..never worthy of truly being loved and cared for..<P>even over the nine year marriage when he's been drinking those words spewed out of his mouth..always standing accused of things I did in the past..never forgiven..even for things that happened before we married even before we were engaged..<P>Anyway..thank you for the responses..

When we were first talking about separating, before she moved out but after she said she was moving. I was very critical of what she was doing. I said she was making a big mistake. I never called her a name, just told her I never thought she would do anything like this. I see now that I would have been much further ahead if I had been as kind as I could be, kinder than I could be. I may have even kept her in the house with the kids and I. I am turning 40 this Dec. I feel I have earned this one, so much I have done and seen and survived. I am not perfect but am better than I have been in a long time. I can do this. I will make it.<P>My wife said I didn't have to come to the divorce hearing. I said I will be there, I have to. I need to. <BR>