I don't know where to begin. I'm divorced its been 2 years now. I've had some relationships with men. I will admit that I haven't made the best of choice in the relationships that I've been in, but I think that it is a process that you and you alone have to go through. During my divorce I confided in a friend, she was a new friend I hadn't knew her to long. She was always someone that I could count on to talk and listen to me. When I started dating and didn't talk to her as much, she got upset, she still wanted to now what was going on in my personal daily life. Sometimes I shared and sometimes I didn't. She and her husband have not like any of the relationships that I've been in in the past 2 years. Which has been 2. She would always find something wrong with them, she doubted them, she didn't think that they were good enough for me. I let her get by with this, I know I shouldn't have. Now I've meant someone over the internet, not in my home state he lives somewhere else. I've never had a long distance relationship before this is the first. He calls me between 2 to 4 times a day and has been for 4-1/2 months now. There are somethings that maybe don't add up about him, I haven't been in his environment yet to visit he came here for 3 days to visit me. We had a good time. Even though he got sick and also my son was sick. He stayed with me no sexual encounter though which I really respected him for. Anyway the bottom line is that this girl friend of mine thinks that this man is lieing. About everything. She called his worked to make sure he has the position that he says he does and he doesn't. I don't know who she talked with at his work, but they told her that he didn't have the job title that he said he did. So I had another girlfriend call thinking that she didn't get the right information. She got the same answer. I know that I need to make a trip on his turf and find this out for myself, I just haven't had the money to yet. I've been hounding this poor man because of trust. I trusted my ex for 20 years of marriage and he let me down. I have confronted him on this (his job title) and he swears to me that he is who he says he is. I'm doubting him because of my girlfriend she is so negitive & I'm a very positive person. I should believe him until he gives me a reason not to, but it is hard to when someone tells you everyday that he is a lair. Now I've shared this with him because I've be doubting him for weeks, he is wondering where this is all coming from,(all the questions and doubt) so I told him that it is this girlfriend of mind, now he has given me a choice. He says that he is trying to build a relationship up with me and he has this woman here putting doubt in my mind on a daily basis. She has never meant him yet. Now he told me that it is either him or my girlfriend, he isn't going to work against her. I do care about him a great deal and I do want to try this relationship. I don't know how to tell my girlfriend that its over between her and I. She has broken up two relationships already for me because of doubt. She has no life except to mingle in my business. I don't know how to tell her, could anyone please give me any suggestions on getting her out of my life, so I can build an relationship up with this man. Thank you in advance for any suggestions you could pass on to me.<P>Take Care and keep Smiling I am,<BR>My Neat Mom

Two different people came up with the same info?! I know you are lonely and want someone in your life..but think about that.People can be who ever they want to be on the internet. Please do not go to "his turf"<BR>Your friend might be too involved with your life but that does not mean she is wrong.<BR>Why don't you call?

I'm not a "chatter", so I might not have the same points of view as people who regularly "meet" people online, but it seems to me that the odds of finding someone who will be a lifemate this way is slim to none. <P>Why invest in a "virtual" person so far away when you can have a real one in the same city? Are nice people really that hard to meet? <P>I am sorry. I am skeptical. Maybe your friend overstepped her boundaries, but both people got the same results. If he is lying about something as insubstantial as his job position, what else is he hiding and why? This man could be a child molester, ex-convict, batterer, or someone who still lives with his mom! <P>If you insist on continuing with this "relationship", I'd get him checked out (criminal background check, credit check, etc). If he lied about anything else, no matter how small, I'd dump him. <P>You said you have trust issues. Why would you invest in someone who has already lied?

I have very strong concerns about 'Internet Dating' for the main reason mentioned by ShellHT "that people can be who ever they want to be on the internet." My mother and sister both met their respective spouses on-line, but I think that is rare. Move slowly, proceed with caution and protect yourself. Your friend may be negative, but it sounds like she is watching out for you. If a new love wants you to decide between him and your friend, dump him. <P>You can always hire a private detective to check this guy out. Most simple checks will run you about $50.<P>Good luck.<P>------------------<BR>JH93

Oooo! There is definitely a reason to distrust here. There's definitely something wrong. Dare I say that he may be married? Just because he didn't pursue sex during his visit, doesn't mean you should attach all kinds of warm fuzzy feelings to this man. A good con man would do something like that with the purpose of attempting to gain trust from someone. It could just be a game of deceit. People can be very tricky, contrived and sneaky, as most of us here know very well now. Who's to say what would happen if you were to meet with him on his turf. Who would help you? Maybe nothing would happen, then (again, part of the game). But what about the next time.<P>You seem to have a gut feeling about the situation that you are ignoring. Anyone can be "nice". Don't give into a stranger just because he's nice. Lots of people thought Jeffrey Dahmer was a quiet, nice guy.<P>As for the friend, I believe she's just mother hen-ing you. Just take with a grain of salt, and when she steps over let her know kindly that you value her opinion and will keep it in mind. No need to go off on her. It's just her opinion. It's up to you what you want to do with it. She just may be someone who can see your vulnerabilities that you can't. I have a best friend and sister who can do that. They know me TOO well and are wise beyond words and I don't usually see it until much later, when I'm incredibly grateful to them.<P>I wouldn't touch the guy with a mile-foot (?) pole. Take care.<P>------------------<BR><BR>Kathy

Let us know what you are doing?

Thank you all for replying....I haven't done anything yet. I'm taking one day at a time. He hasn't called yet today which is unusally since he has called everyday for that past 4 months. I'll let you know what goes on. Thank you again.

Or even worse, maybe he just wants access to your children! Definitely get a thorough independent background investigation before you take more calls or trips. Are not your children worth protecting from the risks? <P>Don't even consider dating him even if he doesn't pass the background check with flying colors and it is proven that he has told you NO deceptions.<P>And even if he DOES pass, do not date him until he moves to your city and spends the time to get established and you get to know each other in a normal, civil, real life manner. If he is serious about you he will do that. Don't chase him. That is not dignified.<P>I am serious, MNM. I have a client whose XH made a huge deal out of her internet boyfriend and tried to take custody of their son simply because she met a man on the otherside of the country and got him involved in her life after one year of long-distance communication. <P>No ultimate legal disaster, yet, unless you count the over $15,000 in legal fees they have incurred between them because she wanted to date a man she met on the internet. <P>What major and minor risks to yourself and your family are you willing to take to persue this stranger?