Hi! In the past, I've participated in this forum. But I haven't been around in a while. I want to tell two stories of postponed divorces, and why it might be better to wait it out.<P>My friend, Linda, and her husband have been married for nearly 20 years. Marriage was always rocky for them due to her husband's growing dependence on alcohol and then drugs. Last year, things escalated as she discovered that he had spent all of their money on drugs, was seeing another woman, wasn't going to work, and had run up huge amounts of credit card debt. She meet with a lawyer to determine her legal status, but postponed drafting a separation agreement. During an arguement, her husband hit her. She called the police and had him arrested for domestic violence. Since he was already on probation for traffic tickets and possibly, carrying drugs, the police gave him a really hard time and told him that the judge would decide if he would go to prison. Since none of his drug friends could bail him out, he called an old family friend. This family friend read him the riot act and then introduced him to an AA meeting and a non-denominational church. Over several weeks, he completely dried out and renegotiated his marriage with Linda. 1 year later, they are happier than they have ever been. Granted this isn't really a true success story. There is still big potential for relationship disaster if her husband slips back into his alcohol/drug problems.<P>In my case, my husband left me at Christmas last year. He told me that stress was sucking the life out of him and he needed to get away from everyone. A few months later, he told me that divorce was the only solution for our lives. I refused to file and told him that if divorce was what he wanted, then he was going to have to do all the legal work. Now I'm not saying we didn't have any real problems. My husband is a credit card maniac and it nearly killed me to have to pay bills each month. I could have filed for divorce simply on the basis of financial irresponsibility and I honestly thought about it. But for months, I waited for him to take action. I practiced Plan A and Plan B. I learned to live my own life. I sent him birthday and anniversary presents. Recently he called and apologized for a lot of things. He also told me that he was not involved with anyone else and that he has only been thinking of me. I've seen improvements in his spending habits and changes in his demeanor. OK, so this is not yet success story, but it's looking better every day.<P>So what have I learned through this experience? I've learned to be grateful. There is no OW. My husband left me with more than enough money to provide for my needs. He provided lots of opportunities for me and he waited until the best possible time to separate. And what I may get out of this deal is a better husband.<P>So be careful. Consider your marital problems carefully. And then heed the words of Dr. Phil McGraw, who says "You have to EARN your way out of marriage" (by trying everything including separation to work it out).