I <p>[This message has been edited by ShellHT (edited October 25, 2000).]

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]

What is IMHO?<BR>No real OW just internet stuff<BR>and communication with High School sweetheart from 22 years ago.. fortunatly she is in Sweden so...He says it is only friends now started out as more <BR>we got back together he ended it with her but I don't know really what he is up to that way. He is very Clintonesque you have to ask the right question. <BR>What is your story?<BR>Shell

Dear Shell,<BR>First off, read all you can on this site, and get the book, "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley. <BR>You CAN save your marriage, but be prepared for some really hard work and tough times, though, in my opinion, not any harder than a divorce and all the BS that comes with that.<P>Raising teens is a difficult chore, I have two myself and am divorced. If you can keep your H in the house, and follow the harley principles(get some counseling on this as well) your chances of restoring your marriage are far better than if he was out. <P>As long as the affair is still going on, he will not commit to you. But, if he sees changes in you that make him feel safe, he may reconsider the affair and leaving you and the kids...do some soul searching, read, read, read, and post here often.. <P>------------------<BR>Susan

These seem like excuses to not move on. What real things give you reaon to hope that you can have the marriage that you want and deserve? Be honest with yourself and see what you are trading and what you will realistically be getting.<P>I am not saying you are being foolish or that there is no hope. God knows people have turned situations around! I just wouldn't want you to prolong a situation of hurt and put yourself in a situation of torture for the sake of convenience and "having him around".

i agree with you Popeye..it does seem like excuses. He wants to come over tonight and do a pros and cons thing to help us decide. He understands he is changing my life after 17 years and it is hard on me he wants to help That's all Shell I just want to help. What is that? guilt i guess

Popeye and ShellHT-<P>I read this and I am struggling with my husband going for the sake of our son who is almost 2. I have heard the stories of kids from divorced families, how they feel like they have to choose, how they lose out with friends, how they feel they give up things because they have to go visit with the other parent when the really want to be with their friends, how they resent a 1/2 brother or sister because only one parent is theirs and that sibling has BOTH their parents (acutally lived through that one).<P>Anyway, does he remotely love you? What I am struggling with is do I "believe" my husband when he says he wants the same things I do, but has said that in the past and never done anything about it. He is getting counseling, but my biggest fear is do I trust him (and hope I get MY feelings back for him which I don't know if they are masked because of my distrust) or do I take the out for peace and the hope that I can find the person who loves me and wants what I do? <P>I made a list, and mine were more con than pro, but is that because of my feelings being so negative right now? Is he going to help with this list?<P>Good luck and if you figure it out "for the sake of the kids" let me know.

yes I believe he loves me he just doesn't want to..he is having a midlife crisis(he admitted that to me). Maybe he will get over it and maybe he won't. My H is a good Dad he is not one for ever letting them down except for this one huge occasion. He is a loving and giving father who wants the best for his kids...staying in their own home is one of the things he and they want. He doesn't want them to have to change their life style. I don't see how that is possible trying to keep two household though.<BR>I don't know what to tell you about trusting your H I don't know what happened between you. That is something you have to do for yourself.<BR>I am sure your list is so con because you are so negative that makes sense in all things. <BR>Thanks for saying that though for some reason I have forgotten to be positive and to make that effort...things always feel much better when you try to be positive<BR>Good luck to you too and let me know how things are going for you.

Decided to do it <BR>pros doubled the cons<BR>will wait a week to see if we still think so