I don't know who remembers me but I'm the one with the ex that hasn't seen his kids much in the last 2 yrs. even though he lives 2 miles away. It SEEMS he's going to start up with his visitation again. That would be nice. He took them this past weekend, even though it didn't go without difficulty. He told the kids that he'd only start taking them every other weekend if I provided the transportation because he didn't want to. It's a power thing guys, and the papers DO state that he is responsible for all transportation. At the advice of my attorney I wrote the letter I'll show to you for advice. My attorney stated to be short and to<BR>the point. This letter needs to be written because we just listed our home this morning and will be moving. Tell me what you think. <P>I am writing you this letter to inform you that we are moving to(blank)on (date). <P>When our divorce decree was written in regards to your returning the kids on Monday night, they were both in daycare before<BR>and after school. This daycare was close to your home and purposely convenient for this arrangement. Now both of the kids are<BR>in different schools and do not attend daycare before and after school. I feel the current arrangement will no longer be<BR>convenient for you. <P>Decree states that you are responsible for all transportation. Our new home is approximately 15-20 minutes from your home.<BR>This is considered a reasonable distance for a parent to drive for their visitation. <P>Decree states that your visitation starts at 5:00 p.m. on Friday. It is my understanding from the kids that sometimes you work<BR>until 5 or 5:30. I would be very accommodating to a later pick up time for you just as long as it's consistent. <P>I would propose a drop off time of between 7 and 8 p.m. on Sunday nights. This would allow the kids ample time to prepare for school the following morning. Again, this drop off time needs to be consistent. I would be open to a drop off time of 9:00 p.m. when the kids don't have school the following Monday. <P>It seems that after being almost non-existent in the children's lives for the past two years you have decided to again have your<BR>weekends with them. They are excited about that and I hope that they can count on you to be more consistent in the future. <P>I also would agree to the kids spending one night per week from 5-8 with you. That night could be determined based on the children's schedule. <P>I hope that we can come to an agreement in regards to the above on our own. If not, I will notify a visitation mediator before<BR>requesting a modification within the court system.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BONNIE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Of course I remember you!<P>I think your letter sounds good. I would stand firm on the transportation issue. Don't let him win it out, he has no choice. <P>So you just send that letter to the lawyer and he forwards it on? That is interesting, I think I have to do that soon myself.<P>What is up with the sudden change?? Is he still with OW??<P>Good luck,<BR>Hugs, Dana (lonelymom)<BR>

I have NO clue why the sudden change. Ya, he's still living with the girlfriend. I won't send this letter until our house actually sells...we put it on the market this morning. He called last week and wanted the kids for the weekend. (Quick FYI: Divorce decree says Fri-5:00 p.m. to Monday 8:00 pm. In the past two years he's only tried his entire weekend once and it bomped with now 8 yr. old daughter. She called Sunday night crying that she wanted to come home. Missed mom and her own bed so he brought her back. Understandable since she was 6 the last time she stayed there over night. It takes consistance and time to adjust her back to 3 nights). So, anyhow he calls and says he wants the kids to take to his Uncles cabin (1-2 hrs. away). Wants to bring them back at 10:00 Sunday night. I told him that was to late and could he get them back around 8 so they could shower and be ready for school the next am. He tells me no, he's not coming back before 10:00. I told him that was too late so he says "Fine, I'll keep them until Monday night then, my ENTITLED time". I told him daughter didn't want to stay that long (she has stated that over and over). So he and girlfriend (both on different phones) start calling me names and telling me that I'm brain washing her etc.... Then he goes into her school (which is 2 blks. from his home) on Friday and has lunch with her, asks her why she don't want to stay until Monday. She tells him she just doesn't, it's too long and she wants to be home. So he says "Don't you want to play with your friend across the street? You can't do that if you don't stay until Monday night. Also, I didn't get you anything for your b-day. You can't get a gift if you don't stay until Monday night". So she agrees. He calls me at work at 3:15 and tells me he talked to daughter and that as usual I was a lying pack of #(*% and a manipulator cuz daughter wanted to stay until Monday night. So, I was to get home and pack for them because he was picking them up. He did take them and they didn't get back to his house until 11:00 Sunday night. Very tired when returned last night. In all honesty, part of this move is to escape him. He's only 2 miles from our home and blks from the kids schools. His girlfriends son goes to school with mine and tells him all kinds of stuff. It's too easy for him to pop into the schools (like he did) and just show up at our door. It's not a big difference but he's way to close for comfort.

So much for the Monday night return he stated earlier. What if you hadn't been home that night? <P>Good for you. Your letter is pretty good. I'm glad you will have a new home and a new start. Hold out for consistency, the children need it.

Well if I wouldn't have been home that Sunday night when daughter called I suppose she would have had to stay. Gosh, just picturing her laying in her bed and crying to come home breaks my heart! I hope things turn out. I've had comments in regards to my letter to leave the part out about him being mostly absent the past 2-years. That it might turn a positive response from him into an angry one, feeling like I'm getting in the last words. But, gosh darn it! He did mess with them for 2 years and he was absent. I'm tired of being concerned about how he "takes things". I just tell myself every single day to love my kids more then I hate him and boy do I ever hate that man and everything he stands for. I hope things turn out, that our home sells soon and the kids like and adjust to their new schools.

Bonnie,<BR>I also thought that you should leave out that part about no being in their lives. It sounds like you have enough problems with him, why go looking for more?<P>Is there nothing in the settlement about him going to school or taking kids out with out your permission ? I don't have that in mine either. I kind of wish I did. I don't trust x but she doesn't really seem all that inclined to spend musch more than minimum time with them.

{{{{bonniesept}}}}:<P>Whenever children are involved it is always hard. I recently have gone through what you are dealing with now. Except my ex-h was absent for 4 years, son is now 8. When I first received notice he wanted to be in my son's life I was scared, my son didn't remember him. I never talked about him. <P>OK jump forward to today, things are much better. Let me explain, I have never and I mean never said one thing to my son about his father that was negative, because I know this would come back on me. <P>I will not get my son involved in discussions that should only be between my ex-h and myself, not even within hearing distance and I feel very strong on this and my ex-h knows this. I would stop talking and would say I will not discuss this now, until we can talk alone. We finally went to a mediator to resolve our conflict, because like you things have changed. You don’t have to put up with verbal abuse from your ex-h or his girlfriend, hang up, but say I can’t discuss this right now, because you are yelling and I don’t want to talk until we can have a normal conversation without accusations and yelling and then hung up.<P>I know this may sound strange how about using the POJA with your ex-h. I understand that is maybe hard because it sounds like he likes to play head games with your children (shame on him ). <P>Things should be meet half way, just do as you are trying and do what is best for your children. Even if is taking turns of transportation. Little things don't matter if it is at the expense of the child's happiness. <P>Children will always form their own opinion of their parents and how they feel about them. Children always seem to know that if a parent is doing or saying things in the end it will come back to that parent. Nothing can piss me off more then a parent is trying to hurt the other parent and actually hurts the child in the end. Talk about selfish, your ex-h seems that it is he way or no way.<P>Stay true and strong for your children and yourself, because in the end you can hold your head up high and your children will know that you love and care for them without any broken promises.<P>Good luck,<P>Judy<BR>

Bighope thanks for your kind words and advice.