Had confrontation today with husband after leaving print-out of posts where he could read them if he chose. Most details under"living in same house, but separately".<br> Husband feels I have no business talking about our problems with anyone, much less strangers. Feels I'm just giving one side(tried to be fair as possible, but was posting mainly about my feelings). <br> Tried to keep everything I do up front as possible. Many times I posted, he was sitting in same room. Thought by letting him read my posts, we could have a confrontation long overdue, without the accusations flying before even listening. Was I wrong to do this? Was I unfair to him? Please read other post before responding. Am I wrong to continue to post although he has disapproved?<br> Aileen

Aileen,<p>I don't see why you should stop posting. It's not as if anyone on the forum actually knows who you or your husband are or where you live.<br>But it's your call on whether or not you might stop for at least a time to keep peace.

I think that your husband needs to be more open minded. This forum is for you to get help as much as it could also benefit him, if he were to just take the time to read it. Have you asked him to sit down and read along with you? Maybe getting him involved that way would make him feel less like you were talking with him and not about him. I dont think you should stop writing, for some of us, it is the only advice we receive. Good luck.

Bruce,<p> Thanks for opinion. I think I will continue to post for now. There is no peace to keep(except silence). If he told me he wanted our marriage or gave me any little hope that he is concerned about us, I would stop. But he only talks of being a good father, never about us. That's why he doesn't leave I believe(for the kids). If I can't talk to him, I have to get my feelings and thoughts out somewhere. Thanks.<br> Aileen<br>

Nancy,<br> <br> Sorry, you must have posted about the time I did, so didn't read yours til after. I've tried to explain the forum to him. He reads into the posts the same way he hears things, all negative. Thanks for listening.<br> Aileen

Aileen:<p>I think that you need to read over the policy of joint agreement on this site again. Hopefully your husband will too. Then you'll have the opportunity to 'negotiate' over this issue. Read the rules on how to make negotiation safe and pleasant.<p>It's best if both parties can learn the marriagebuilder 'principles' and apply them. But if your husband is unwilling, you can still apply them in a one-sided manner. If he objects, then your doing this posting is a love buster, whether it's fair or not.<p>His 'accusations' are also a lovebuster (of course), but two wrongs do not make a right. They cause a deterioration of the marriage.

K,<p> I guess you are right. It is a love buster. There is no good time to negotiate because he is either silent or is accusing me any time I try to talk to him. If I say something nice to him, he hears some other thing. I will no longer post. Hopefully, won't go nuts in the silence. Thanks everyone for listening and offering your opinions.<br> Aileen

Aileen:<p>You shouldn't be silent either. You've got a lot of important things to tell your husband, and shutting down communication is not going to help.<p>Learning to communicate effectively will help. There's a lot of good advice here (and elsewhere) on how to do it. I realize that by 'writing' to your husband that you're trying to make this communication less confrontational. See if you can try some of the techniques here (or get some counseling to help) and apply them.<p>For instance; tell him that you understand his wishes about telling 'strangers' about the problems, and that you won't post here until he can agree to it. Tell him that this site has a 'policy of joint agreement', and that if he can't agree with something you want to do, that you won't. See if HE would agree to trying this. Bring up the 'negotiation' issue, about how to keep it safe.<p>I know that this is easy to type, hard to do in front of someone who's angry with you (and himself, probably). But right now you both seem to be in 'conflict', and that's better than being in withdrawal. I hope you can work though these issues.