My husband works VERY long hours and is RARELY ever home. I have told him that this is not good for our marriage or for our children. He said that in the new year, he will try and find a new job. Then in the next breath he says,"we cant make it on 40 hrs at what people are paying, and a second job would defeat the whole purpose of quitting this one" What do I say to that? I feel very alone and these 4 walls are closing in. Our one child is medically ill and so we cant really associate with other people.He now gets upset if he calls and the line is busy, he says'on that computer again huh? Im just sick of it..what shouldi do???

I don't know exactly how to approach your situation, but I think I can understand how you feel. After having a marriage where my husband's many jobs came before me and the kids, I finally had enough and kicked him out! I've always strongly believed that if you don't have time for a wife (or husband) and children -- don't have them! I think it's selfish otherwise. With the situation with your child, maybe it's possible that it would be hard to make it without all of your husband's extra hours. Could you compromise on a full day off each week to spend together where you would do nothing but spend the day together?

Thanks for your suggestion but it has been tried. I begged him to stay home when the beeper goes off and he says"it'll be worse if i dont go". I just dont know what else to do. He just called and it is 8p said he wont be home till 9. He has already missed the kids, they are in bed. He rarelly sees them during the week and on the weekend he is on call. The problem also is he works with the family. I told him to talk to the family member but he said he cant. It is very hard to make it on less but i think we could manage and i told him this. He is going out of town tomorrow and the next day. Im leaving after that to go away for a few days. We never see one another. I just feel like a single mother and Im tired of this. I told him this. He said things will change in the new year but then he says"dont know if i should quit or not, what do you think". Same story differant day...and here we sit....day after day.... the other side of the coin, my X is waiting on the other end, says we can come there any time. He still loves me and really expresses it. I dont know....ugh.....

Sounds like your husband is either A) escaping into his work or B) has his self worth wrapped up in his work and maybe feels that he can't support the family. Perhaps looking at your budget together and seeing if there is a way to live without the extra money from overtime or a lower-paying-only-40-hours-a-week job.<p>Try: "Debt Free Living" by Larry Burkett which goes over getting out of debt, budgeting, living on less money, etc. He uses examples of different families in different situations to show how it all works and may mention a story similar to yours.

It sounds like a tough situation. I'm sorry I can't say more to help. I've been in your situation with my husband working for family though. People always think you've got some sort of job security that way, but it's not worth it. When you work for family, they expect so much more from you and it's really hard on a family. Your husband probably feels like he owes them more than any other employer too. I definitely feel for you. It's hard and it probably won't change just because you want it to -- he has to want the same thing. It will be hard, but you both have to sit down to talk and decide if your marriage is worth taking the chance of things being difficult financially for a while. A big change like that often is tough, but it's also temporary and if you love each other you can work through it. I'm sure EVERYONE says this, but would your husband consider talking to a counselor with you? Maybe you could schedule it on his lunch break so he won't miss work if he worries about that.

KMichele- thank you so much....no, i cant schedule counseling on his lunch break, b/c he sometimes doesnt get lunch, or dinner. He works out of town and out of state alot. I talked with him last night and he said that he doesnt care if we have to sell our home and live in an apt or something else, that he needs to put material things aside if he wants us to stay together. I was so happy to hear this. It finally sank in what i was saying for the past 4 years. I do hope all gets better soon. We were a great couple before but hopefully we will be even better. I pray that he'll be able to find a job though!!

I'm so glad you've heard some hopeful news. What a wonderful Christmas present! I hope it all works out for you all.