Still cant quit crying, I have no idea what is going on in his head, says he doesn't know either. I hate to push this issue with him right now for fear of driving him farther away. The last couple have days have seemed to be a little better, but I can't tell if he is just "acting normal" because he see's how hurt I am. We have been talking about a lot. He says he is afraid that I wont be happy if I make some of the changes that I want to make. I have always been so hardnosed about the way that I live my life. I said everything is BLACK AND WHITE. No gray areas. I see now that I was wrong. <BR>Yesterday afternoon, I just lost it. Everything possible went wrong. Couldn't quit crying for awhile. <BR>Mostly though, right now I am very confused about where he stands. Things are seemingly normal but very distant. Like I have said before he says he hates he way he is hurting me and I believe that. It also makes wonder if he is just going through the motions for now so in the hopes that it will get easier for me to accept losing him if some more time goes by. I am second guessing everything said and done. Fluctuating between hope and despair. Afraid to hope to much, but not yet willing to give up. I feel like all I can do is keep telling him and showing him how I feel and think, and be patient for a response of some sort. I am worried that next week I will be away from home all week and wont be there to show him how much I do care. The phone just isn't the same. <BR>Sorry this is so long. Just too much going on to not write it down or talk about it to someone. <BR>

Hi Blindsided,<P>That's what this forum is for & why a lot of us come here. To vent & get support and to provide support to each other.<P>What you are feeling is the rollercoaster. Plan A is really hard on you emotionally. I did it for a couple of months and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It also can take a couple of months to perfect and 6 or more to actually show your spouse the true, new you.<P>Try letters & cards. Maybe leave some notes for him to find after you're gone. Leave messages. Be creative. I'm sure some of the plan A vets can give better advice than me, but I wanted you to know that someone was listening.<P>Take care...<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Thanks again, I have been writing him notes and letters as well as keeping somewhat of a journal to myself. I guess the biggest shock to me is how stupid I have been. Ignoring all the signs and taking everything for granted... I never want to do that again. I know that I will never be perfect, but I sure hope that this will all make me a better person in general. Why don't we pay attention to the little things? How could I ever assume that he would just take and take and take my crap and never get fed up? I know that the fault lies with him for not telling me but in his own way he was trying. I am writing him another letter right now and I hope that I get all of my feelings across that I do not blame him for this, but I do want to work in the relationship as well as work on myself. I can only hope and pray that he will give me the time to prove I mean what I am saying.