I don't know how much more I can take. The background to my story is:<br>mid August my H told me he no longer loved me. We agreed to live apart but try dating to try to rekindle our relationship, with the help of counselling.<br>At the beginning of November, I found out my husband had started an affair with someone he told me was 'just someone to confide in' (she lives several thousand miles away, we are in England, she is in Canada). His reason for this was 'I got tired of waiting for you' (tired of waiting for me to get out of the depression caused by him telling me he no longer loved me).<br>I found out when he was at the start of a month long business trip. When I found out, he said it was over, because he felt himself falling in love with her, and it would destroy any chance we would have.<br>In the 3rd week of his absence, I had a feeling he was with her (I knew he was in Canada). I managed to track him down (he had not left any contact details with me for that week, which was suspicious) and found out he was with her. I was convinced that he would finish with me.<br>A couple of hours later, I got a phone call, saying he had left her, that he kept comparing her to me, and realised how wonderful I am. I flew out to be with him on the final week of his trip (Nashville). During this week he said he didn't love her, that he wanted to work on our relationship. She kept ringing our hotel (apparently she phoned 11 hotels in Nashville to find him). He told her not to call him again (that is what he told me).<br>The last night of the trip we were apart, as he had a meeting in New Jersey. Apparently, she tracked him down again, and it is all on again.<br>He has now decided he wants us to have a 'separation' different from the one we had before (he does not want to 'date' anymore, but we can still see each other as friends). He says he doesn't want to work on our relationship any more, I haven't been providing anywhere for his love to grow, I have been stifling it.<br>I really don't know what he is playing at. Here are a few examples of our conversations about the 'separation'.<br>Me: Do you want to work on our relationship at all.<br>Him: Yes, long term.<br>Me: Is this separation final?<br>Him: No, that is why it is called a separation.<br>Me: then why don't you finish with her<br>Him I'm not giving up something that makes me happy<br>He says things like this separation is to give us some space, and to give us a fresh start. He needs this separation to stop resenting me, and to allow his feelings to grow (he claims that when we were apart, his feelings for me did grow, even though that did not stop him seeing her in Vancouver). He says that he has to come back to me (if he does come back),and he has to 'woo' me.<br>But he won't give the other woman up.<br>I really don't know what to do for the best. I think the best approach would be the 'no pressure' approach for now, and to use the times we spend together to show him that he can still love me. I don't want to just wait around and see if he finishes with the other woman.<br>Thanks for listening<br>bev
