She's invited me over for dinner tonight, since I've been working long hours & haven't been able to spend time with my son. I'm thinking about alittle low key plan A & make it a short visit. (I've got a session with Jennifer at 8) <P>Anyhow, I KNOW she's nort inviting me over for any other reason than to give me some time with my son. She's seems truly concerned about me, but there's definitely nothing there in her heart for me.<P>So, any suggestions? Advice?<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Go have fun with your son..make plans to take<BR>him to the park or do something with him away<BR>from mom..maybe not tonite..but check his schedule and see if you two can make plans to do a "guy" thing..Do you like to fish? go to ballgame? maybe a highschool football game??<BR>I guess depends on his age..maybe a day at the zoo, or the park..and play with him..take him to the park and shoot hoops or play a game yourself..order pizza and rent some movies..and stay home watching movies just the two of you..what are things you liked to <BR>do w/ your dad?? think back to then..and do them with your son now..work on your relationship with him..and don't think about her right now..Your relationship to him will always be there if you as the father take the time to grow it..even if you and mom<BR>aren't together..maybe take him to dinner<BR>and let him talk to you about how he feels about all this. You can let him know that<BR>it's not necessarily what you want..but you love his mom enough to want her to be happy<BR>with or without you..and that you love him and none of it is his fault..and that their is nothing he can do to change it..because it's between the two of you.<P>But as for dinner tonite..go and spend time<BR>w/ your son..ask him about school..or daycare..ask him how he's doing..sit and watch a tv program with him..or help w/ homework..<P>I know that as a mom..that when men pay attention to the children..it makes the mother happy..makes the man more attractive<BR>to them..to know that this man makes a wonderful father..and thats the kind of man<BR>I want around my children..one who pays them<BR>attention and spends time with them...one who can take care of the kids..spend time w/ them<BR>and still have time for a relationship..and one who has that special relationship w/ the kids that mom doesn't feel as if she's the only one doing EVERYTHING with the kids..she can have a much needed break while dad plays with the kids..and it would be okay if she goes off w/ friends shopping or to lunch..and knows that the kids and dad will have fun together..even when she's not there..and moms need that special time w/ the kids too..to grow their relationship..so that if dad needs a night out w/ his friends to go to a ballgame then it's okay..and that they can even get a sitter occassionally and the two of them go out on a date.

My best advice for you would be to keep it light with your STBX. <P>Go for dinner to see your son and spend the majority of the time bonding with him.<P>A few love deposits won't ever hurt, if nothing else but to keep your relationship on a good note for the sake of your boy. <P>Good luck.<BR><P>------------------<BR>JH93

Cooker,<P>I agree with Jay. Go for your son, but keep it simple and focus on him. It does seem odd to say she feels nothing in her heart for you, she's concerned and has invited you over. <P>I will hope for the best for you. Good luck,<BR>Dana<BR>

I agree with Jayhawk. Go over, have a nice dinner, spend some time with your son and enjoy yourself. You know where you are at with your W, so just be yourself. What I mean is, it never hurts to be nice or kind or anything, but that doesn't mean you need to do anything you are not comfortable with either. Maybe, before you go over, think of a few scenarios and set a few boundaries so you come out of it okay. To be honest, we know each other fairly well, and I know the kind of man you are. Go over there and behave in a way that you feel proud of yourself when you're done. Be the man you are and you are becoming. <P>BTW, if you are getting all muscular and hunky again, she will probably notice that! You go, Nick!!<P> CJ

Thanks you all,<P>I knew the answer, but it's great to hear from you guys.<P>Rose,<P>We're working on joint cusotdy every other week. I'm getting him after thanksgiving & we're going to take off for a few days. I'm also taking him to VT in February for a week skiing. Once I get done with my Op, I cna concentrate on building our relationship.<P>'hawk<P>Definitely a couple deposits.<P>Dana,<P>I'm sure she feels something for me, but it's nat "that" kind of feeling.<P>CJ,<P>Not much muscle. I'm down to 155 and I can't believe how much muscle I've lost. My cycling shorts are really baggy.<P>Thanks again...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

I agree with everyone else. Go and bond with son. Throw a few niceties to wife but don't spend a lot of energy there. Spend your energy on the son.

c00ker,<P>Just checking to see how it went tonight.<P>Let us know.<P>Hawk

It was light & friendly. Funny thing, she did'nt seem as attractive to me as she had previously. Hard to describe, but more like the old/normal her. <P>I think we touched on the in love vs. want to be in love thing earlier. I saw all the imperfections tonight. Hadn't seen them the last several times we'd been together...<P>hmmmmm<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Glad to hear all went well!!

I'm glad things went well for you..skiing sounds like a blast..although I've never been downhill skiing I love cross country..hurts like hell the next few days after working muscles you never knew you had..LOL..but fun<BR>none the less...One day I'll take my kids<BR>but we don't live near where it snows..so I'll wait for the summer and hit the beaches again..LOL