.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]

I'm sorry you are going through this. You said your H's actions matched his words, but they didn't. He didn't end contact with the OW. I know it is hard to feel like any of his words were genuine. I went through similar feelings as you when my ex and I tried to reconcile. <P>I wouldn't go so far as to say that all of this was "planned". I DO believe your H was trying to cover all of his bases. Trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maybe he wanted to be sure the OW would be there for him if he left you. Pretty cr*ppy. <P>At this point, I'd cut my losses if I were you and make sure you get everything you need for yourself and your children. I do wonder how many people pretend to reconcile only to get a better divorce settlement in the long run. If someone is capable of having a long-term affair, and not feel guilty about it, I'm guessing they wouldn't feel guilty about stringing you along either.<BR>

There are two ideas on this...<BR>MB principles will tell you that he si still confused about what he wants and if you can do a good plan A (get counseling with Dr. H for this) you have a chance to restore your marriage. His confusion now is normal. On one hand, he has her meeting some of his needs, on the other, he has you meeting some of his other needs. <BR>Get the book" Surviving an affair" and consider counseling with Steve Harley. If you still love your husband, it is the best way to restore your marriage. <P>By the way, my x did the same for almost two years. Her h and I communicated so I knew it was not over even though my x would tell me repeatedly he was not talking to her. I did not do my best Plan a, and it was too late for me. You still have a chance!!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Yup! Said several times that he wanted to work on the marriage. But saying it was all that he could do. Never slowed down in his plans. Never could do anything that matched those words. I developed a very calloused attitude because I had been so badly hurt. But then, I dealt with the king of emotional and verbal abuse. He would invite the children and me to do something but never me alone and the one invitation I turned down was to a restaurant I refuse to go to. It was a chance to amuse the children. He couldn't/wouldn't change the plans to accomodate me. I felt totally used and lied to when he talked about this. Sorry to be a bummer but I never saw behaviour to lead me to believe there was anything to those words.