I know we had our "agreement", but I just did something and I guess I was just looking for your support. If I did wrong, then it was my own fault for not asking first.<P>As you know, this past weekend was hard for me and then I blew off the chance to see my STBX so that I could be out with some friends. Well tonight I was really missing her and just decided to send her a quick email which simply said, "I'm not looking for anything here, but I was just thinking about you and I love you."<P>I don't know if and how she will respond, but I just felt the need to send it. Why should I have to feel the need to justify to myself my abilty right now of expressing my feelings to my wife?<P>I wish I would have been offered a chicken exit before getting onto this rollercoaster!

Just as I expected, I haven't heard a response from her yet. At least I wasn't kidding myself!

You should never feel the need to justify something that feels right for you to do, as long as it hurts no one (especially you). Sending your wife an e-mail expressing your true feelings is a perfectly normal thing for a caring person to do for a person he feels deeply for. I do it every once in awhile, just to remind her that the door is still open. It doesn't get my hopes up, just lets me get a little plan A in there from time to time. Every persons situation is a little bit different in here, so we can't all be held to the same weights and measurements when executing our own personal plans.<P><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

I agree with c00ker on this one. Besides I slipped too yesterday. My wife had been collecting the new US quarters as they are being released. A couple months ago I found one that had just come out so I sent it - no note, no letter, just the quarter. Yesterday out of the blue in my car, I found another new one. I always check my change as I get it, so I am not sure where it came from. Well I did the same thing and sent it out yesterday.<P>Unfortunate timing though.... Today I came into work to an email saying that she filed the divorce papers yesterday. I guess I knew it was coming, but as I am sure you can relate, it still hurts... Then she goes on to say that there are some other things of hers she wants (xmas ornaments, some basic furniture) and if I could pack it up for her and she will have someone pick it up, or if I wanted I could drop it off at her parents house! She doesn't even have the gutts to come and do it herself. This is how it has been since she left - she has everyone doing things for her concerning our marriage (or what is left of it). She is not even strong enough to face this on her own.<P>Not sure what I am going to do about the "stuff" she wants. Not that I want it, any of it. But I may tell her that SHE needs to come get it and that I may or may not want to be there. She is making an adult decision, she should be acting like an adult instead of a scared little teenager with mommy and daddy and her brother doing everything for her. It amazes me that they don't see the harm they are doing to her. Sure they need to support her, but they should not be allowing her to get them so involved.<P>After all its OUR mess, we should be the ones to clean it up.<P>Mike

Jayhawk,<P>That was kind and thoughtful of you, even if she didn't return it. Don't beat yourself up over being kind and thoughtful.<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

{{{{{{{Mike}}}}}}}<P>I'm sorry.<P>I <B>KNOW</B> exactly what you are feeling right now and how that your heart literally jumped a beat when you read that email. You knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any better. I knew mine was coming in the mail and I expected it every day. When it wasn't there, I was releived. When the day came that it was there, I was shocked, but I was expecting it.<P>I don't have a lot to say except to let you know that I am here for you and I know the swings you will be going through.<P>Just know in your mind and in your heart that you have done everything in your power to save your marriage. Hold your head high and be proud. You have nothing to be ashamed of as you have been the bigger person here. You have some amazing insights and you are on the right road for recovery.<P>You will always have my support, friend.<P>Shawn<P><BR>

Shawn,<P>Thanks! You know the strangest thing is I am not as upset as I thought I would be. Kind of like I still don't know if this is the end. <P>It is so hard to explain to other people - I am not feeling at all pathetic or like I am afraid to "move-on". If I wanted to, I know that without a doubt I could and would. It is just that I am choosing this path for myself. I can not stop her from "running away", but I can control my beliefs, my "word", my vows. The vows I made on our wedding day were not just to her, they were to me and to God. She can break those vows, but that does not mean I have to as well.<P>If all this keeps going South, I know that the day will come where I must "leave her behind". When that happens I know, I will know.<P>I think I owe a lot of my strength to all of the great people here at MB. Seeing others, including yourself, survive this day as well as the days ahead, give me hope and confidence that I will get through this.<P>A few people posted here that the divorce is only a man-made paper document, and after having read that, I now believe that as well.<P>Have a great weekend!<BR>Mike