Hi Bernzini, I wanted to jump off of TM's thread to say Hi.<P>It sounds like you are getting through it. I am glad. You are a strong woman.<P>My eldest (11) paid me a wonderful compliment the other day. She drew a picture and I commented on how talented an artist she is. I told her I wished I was as talented. She said I was talented. I asked her how...she said..."you have patience mom". "when things are hard, you know how to take care of it"<P>So yes, I am tired also. I am sad also, but hearing that from my D, makes it worth it.<P>If this is how my H wants to be remembered..he will.<P>I prefer to be remembered the way my D thinks of me.<P>The difficulty is that it is not only the WS's who are slaves to their lies, but we are also. I'm just trying to figure out how to not have us take responsibility for his lies. <P>I am in school, doing fine. I am doing things for myself and enjoying the kids.We do have cable, so my kids get to watch the crud here....but I would simply like to tell my H to take all of this and ......well..he could donate it, i guess!!!!

No, not getting through it in one piece, I am very sad and confused sometimes. But a survivalist--I have to think of what's right for the little guy as far as what I can do for him. My own needs have been put on hold for--how long?--<P>Anyways, that's why I was wondering how you were doing, because I can relate to your situation. I think that I feel sadder for you than you feel for yourself--you have to give so much of yourself to others, but who is there to make you feel happy? I am concerned for you--like me, you seem to be holding on with brute strength for yourself and your children, I but I know that you must be lonely, as I am. <P>I am glad that you have your children, and your daughter is right--you do have patience and your children will grow up with reverence for you in their hearts and minds for the patient person you are.<P>Do you ever talk to your husband anymore? What plans does he have for your marriage? What about the baby? Does he tell you what's going on?--the probably the hardest parts of this huge mess that we are in--being kept in limbo. (As for me, as far as that goes, my husband intends to file for divorce, but as he is in the military stationed overseas, he can't do that, he's tried--I have to make the decision as to whether I should do it myself. It's a tough decision.)

Bernzini, Yes, I'm holding down the fort, so to speak. I'm actually doing ok. Not too sad. There's not much of my H or my marraige left in me to hurt.... I really think faith is what is guiding me. My friend and I started an audio--workbook bible study. You can find it at a Christian bookstore. It is called "breaking Free",by Beth Moore. <P>We are delving into the old Testament, particularly the book of Isiah. I used to steer away from the old testament because I didn't think it was very applicable to life today.... just a bunch of stories about people who's names I could never pronounce.<P>Well, I have been enlightened. <P>If you ever want to know more, I'll be glad to share.<P>I am in school now and doing well. I am at the point where I know I can do it. I will take another course next semester, plus a clinical......yeah!!<P>Yes, I talk to my H every day. When he first had to tell me about the pregnancy, he was here quite often. All he wanted to do was see the kids. He came out of the tunnel a fair amt and seemed truly connected to the kids and was getting comfortable here.<P>He hit another comfort zone I guess, because the ow is just parading around like this is the norm and so he figures she'll handle it all....so he sort of went back in the tunnel.<P>No, we don't talk about her, Us, the impending birth or a D. I am just detached..and moving forward. It is a huge mess. I figure, you should be careful what you "want", because you just might get it.<P>I figure they are both stuck with each other...two pretty selfish people just getting their own needs met. I'm truly sorry for not only her two kids from her previous marraige but this one. What a legacy to pass down. I hope they figure it out. <P>Like I said, there is nothing left of my relationship with him, he gave it all away..to her..and she did not treat it gently...like she said in the note I found almost a year ago. Her note said...thank you for sharing your soul..(unfortunatly, mine and the kids went with his), I will treat it gently, etc.etc. and let it go carefully when the time comes....she has not done either of those things.<P>People here are disgusted with them. But I can do nothing about that. They are responsible for the relationships in their lives.<P>Her H did call me, and he filed apparently. He just was tired of the lies. See, she is still lying to him. I don't even ask my H anything, I don't want anymore lies....<P>Really good to hear from you. I wish you lived closer, but you don't do you. don't you live closer to Arizona?????

Well, no TT, I live in Idaho--about as far from you as I can get. . .<P>When I got out of the army last year to go to Japan with my husband, I had to take a chapter--an early discharge with the approval of my commander for the sake of my marriage and my family. I knew that I owed the army about $3,500 in re-enlistment bonus, and my husband assured me that we could pay it back if I would follow his career.<P>Well, the debt is my own now, and the Treasury Dept does not mess around--the interest has accrued about another $1,000 on it and the bill collectors have called every day, threatening to garnish what meager wages I make to support my kids. I will have to re-enlist in the reserves--this is not a bad thing, it's what I wanted anyway. The thing is, I am 34 years old and out of shape and broken down from prior service--I have to really pull myself up by the bootstraps and make a go of it. I can do it--but it's going to be hard.<P>The point I am making here (haha) is that maybe when I re-up here soon, I will be out your way--maybe I could stop in and say 'hi.' My brother lives in Tennesee, air-assault instructor at Ft Campbell (all of us are army) and I plan to see him.<P>I am so glad that you are doing well, too, surviving. You sound like you have been through hell and back and have made it--I hope soon that happy times will come back to you, and that you find the love that you so very much deserve--you will. Give your kids a hug for me

Hey, where is fort Campbell anyway?? I'm sorry to sound ignorant, but I'm really from the NEast.... I have lived in northeast TN for 8 years. Tn is as long as PA. I live on one end.<P>I would love to have you visit!!! It would be great. I am about 1 1/2 hour from knoxville.<P>What have you heard from your H??? anyway.<P>Hey, you are 32...that is so young. I am 43. I had my first child at your age!!!!

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]

TM, Yes, I absolutely love it. I am learning so much.... I also responded to you about the healing ministries book. I think you will like it if you get it.

Hi Tootrusting,<P> I've been checking up on you , think about you and pray for you.....I'm glad to see you are holding your own....what a mess.<P> I see that you live in NE Tenn. ....we moved from Lex. Ky last year(loved it there). Did you say you were originally from Pa? I grew up in Pgh. and went to school in Phil....small world,huh, actually TOO small sometimes!!!! <P> Anyways, thinking of you and the kids.....LU<P>

Hi Lu, thanks for thinking of us. Yes, it is truly a mess. The kids don't have a clue yet, although I don't imagine it will be too long. It appears the OW is blabbing around town re: paternity...although she was still sleeping with her H also....<P>I try to stay out of the gossip. Occasionally a person will call and ask, because they have heard different office staff talking.... OW keeps digging a bigger and bigger hole. <P>she seems to think she has all the answers, so let her figure it all out!!!