This AM I decided to do some house cleaning. Actually house clearing of the Ws stuff is more like it. I'm packing up all the little things that belong to her so I can ship them to her.<P>In the process I came across several photo albums of "family stuff" and decided to make copies of a lot of the photos so we would both have copies.<P>Somehow as I went through them I just became more and more angered that so much time and effort was put into the marriage. That I didn't do "something" sooner, and basically feeling that I have wasted a huge part of my life.<P>The problem is that there isn't anyone to target the anger at except myself.<P>Has anyone else ever been there? Is anger at one's self "normal"?

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Trapped Mom:<BR><B>I thought having small children was part of it.... It is such a waste though. It would have been alot easier to have gone through this before kids.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, not really. My "kids" are grown (at least they think so) and it isn't any easier. At least it seems that way from this view point.<P>I'm just so dammed angry at myself for having spent so much "life" that I can never get back.

.<p>[This message has been edited by Trapped Mom (edited March 25, 2001).]

Yes, anger at yourself is normal if you assume the 50% of the relationship break down is your "lack of knowledge" or failure to read the <RED FLAGS>, then you are a responsible person, and a good person in my book.<P>I know I have a lot towards myself, unable to forgive myself, as I have given alot, and I have taken alot, but if my STBX talks her feelings, and does not use projection, I am as giving as possible. And I saw some signs, but did not think she would just quit.<P>Turns out, her family is like that, and as she gets older, she is getting more like them, which is farther away from where we were when we were married. They try something once, if it doesnot work for any reason, or they stop at the once.<P>I am angry because in the beginning I looked at the red flags, and thought they were environmentally caused, and I could fix them. I am also mad at myself, for staying years ago, before kids, when I knew something was wrong, but i assumed, or was convinced it was me. And it was just gettin gused to each other.<P>So I did everything I could except give up the activities that make me who I am, or the ones the i need for myself, like athletic competition, providing for our future, and supporting the kids athletic programs in town. <P>But most of all, i am angry at myself for not realizing the interactions of the personality types, both myself, and my STBX. I am angry in that i didn't know how to set boundaries correctly, and stick with them. I do now.<P>so I think it is normal, and that the hard time I have is that it will take along time to forgive myself, as I hardly ever fail at anything I try, not that I suceed instantly, but I don't quit until I master it, or get proficient at it. granted I am not perfect, but I am determined at whatever I set my mind to, and satisfied with the level of accomplishments that I have achieved.<P>So now i have to continue to try to accomplish the goals I thought we were heading towards, but STBX got sidetracked from. It will take time, maybe a year or two, but I don't have all that much time, as the goal was to buy a house in a neighborhood for kids to learn to go out an play with friends. If I can do that, give my kids learning situations that they will grow with, then I can forgive myself, as I will be providing them with what they need to grow up.<P>tom<BR>