I am 42 and my H od 42 has a lover of 32 for a year (she is well known for having more lovers, abortions and marriage brakes; and we were first to each other). 4 months ago he bought me and my younger D (10) a new appartment and he and our older D (18) stayed in our family house. Until then we are separated and we devided our financial matters but he doesn't fill for divorce. He started to constantly live with his lover and D two months ago. He picks our younger D every weekend but they hate each other (D and OW). I am the whole year desperate and I only want him back to restore the family, I still love him so much, I am ready to forgive him everything only to come back. But he non-stop repeats he would never be back, he doesn't love me for more than 10 years, I didn't show him love for a long time, I was not enough interested in sex... and that he would soon fil for divorce. I already had an suicide attempt and when I get a court invitation I think I would kill myself. I could not live without him, I cry all day and night and I am a disaster for my young D. My life has no sence any more. You all here seem to me much more reasonable, can you help me ? How to forget him and learn to live alone? Is it possible after 21 year relationship? Is possible a reconciliation after so long affair? Is there any possibility for me and D that he would be back , whenever?<BR>Has anyone positive expirience after such a long affair, but relatively short (4 months) separation? I love him so much, I need him desperately, I miss him in every sence, even in sex. What would be my future without him? Thank you.<BR>dv<P>------------------<BR>dv

Hello,<P>I too know your pain. The only difference is that my husband doesn't have OW. He just blames me for a lot of things that went bad and looked bad to our families. He still loves me but is afraid to try again. He says he will never come back also. First of all you can not change him or the situation yourself.<BR>Your story is like most others. Life is hard when we try to control it our selves. The world tells us to go on and offers no hope.<BR>But I tell you I have learned there is hope.<BR>I have went from hopeless to knowing God will bring my husband home in Gods time. Instead of depending on your husband for happiness, depend on God. This will not be easy but killing yourself wouldn't either.<BR>Beside what would that say to your daughters.<BR>Ending your life offers no hope only pain to those you leave behind. Instead turn your life around and show your daughters how to truly live in happiness. Forget about what your husband is saying or doing right now. <BR>Believe Satan wants you to remember so your marriage will never be restored. I just became and Christian in Feb of this year. I had no idea how God worked in our lives until I lost everything. I was broken and when I got my divorce papers I paniced and I <BR>was a Christian at the time. It takes time to heal. Everyone kept saying work on yourself first. I had no idea what they meant and I am really just now beginning to understand. God can and will do anything for those who love Him. Please understand I am not trying to preach. I feel your hurt and I'm telling you the only way I have found peace and hope. Please go to this web site and read the testimonies. I know God directed to this site when I prayed for help understanding His will. Only go if you are serious about restoring your marriage because you must take the narrow path which is the opposite of what the world has taught us. I will be praying for you. <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> <BR>gentle<P>------------------<BR><p>[This message has been edited by gentle (edited October 30, 2000).]

{{{{{{{{{{{{Betrayed and Desperate}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I can feel you pain. I wish there was an easy answer, but there is not. I understand the hopelessness that you feel and wanting to give up. But you DESERVE more. There are times that I hurt so badly that I feel like I am dying, but then, I look at my family and all that I have and know that going on is more than worth it. The one thing I can say is counseling counseling and more counseling. This board is great for advice and affirmation, but you still need to deal with a "person" face to face. They can help. Sometimes you get frustrated (as I am now), but you also get understanding and ways to deal with the depression and anxiety. There is a lot of good information on this site, particularly with Plan A. Read it and follow it. It does help. The pain is still there, but you learn to go on. To survive. Your kids need you. Dont ever forget that. <P>