Just read your post in reference to Betrayed and Desperate. <BR>Geez, do I feel like you and I have the same story. H also says that he still loves me. The difference is that mine has yet to make the decision. He suffered through one bad marriage for almost 20 years (last 12 were bad) and says that he doesn't want to go through that again. Says he is afraid to make another try at this for fear that we will end up right back to this point. I am trying to convince him that I CAN and WILL change in reference to all of the things that I was doing to hurt him. I am praying for a second chance, but who knows. How have you dealt with this?? I posted an earlier message that it would almost be easier to deal with an OW than the fact that he still loves me, but can deal with being unhappy and the way that I have acted... <BR>arm6868@yahoo.com

Blindsided,<P>I know what you mean, I too have though it would be easier if there was OW. At least it would make sense. But I thank God that there is not OW. I really don't want to deal with that pain. The first thing I had to learn was that I could not change my husband then I had I had to learn I could not even change myself. The hardest lesson I had to learn was that I could not convince my husband of anything. True change takes Gods help. God is the only one that can change any of our bad habits. I just became a Christian in Feb of this year. I hated to read the Bible before. I grew up in a church that preached what not to do. I have an entire different outlook on God now. Reading the Bible is one of my greatest comforts. Believe me my faith is tested everyday. It was very hard for me at first because no one gave me hope. I went from hopeless to knowing that God will restore my marriage in His time. I started searching and reading Gods word to find answers. God is the only one I truly trust now. I believe God directed me to this site <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org</A> because I prayed to learn His will for my marriage. The books are based on Gods word. My eyes have been opened to many things. I now understand better why we had so much trouble in our marriage and why my H will not trust me again. Please go to this site if you are serious about your marriage. Don't worry about what you husband says.God is in charge if you believe and have faith. Take it from someone who messed up her life really bad. I will pray for you to learn the truth.<BR>Gentle