hI<P>I haven't been on here for such a long time but I am definitely an "oldie" on here. I first found MB around Feb '99. I was in a desparate state and found a lot of good advice on here. Basically, my H had an affair with one of our friends (who was married with kids too) and I followed all the advice on here to try to save my marriage. All to no avail. I eventually filed for divorce in June of this year and I felt a huge weight fall off my shoulders when I did. For two years I struggled, cried, begged, forgave and basically got walked over by the man I had given 20 years of my life to. By no means was it easy to file for divorce and I cried and cried when I saw the papers all typed up, but since that day I feel free. I no longer worry about what he is doing. Yes he still sees the OW and I know that relationship is not great by any means but it is no concern of mine anymore. I never wanted to be divorced, I never wanted my kids to grow up with divorce but I had no choice. What I basically realised was that I couldn't save the marriage on my own. If he didn't feel it important enough to try to save then I couldn't save it by myself. He was a good man, and I am sure deep down he still is, but he is no longer the man that I fell in love with. The day that I realised that I no longer loved him was the day that I saw life in a whole different light.<P>I no longer feel I "need" someone, if I have someone it is because I choose to have someone. My kids suffered tremendously, emotionally through all of this, but I know they will make it. They know that both their parents love them very much and that won't change.<P>It was a hard 2-3 years, but I just wanted everyone on here to know that I made it through, perhaps my marriage didn't survive - but I did, and that to me is everything. I am a different person to the one I was on here desperate and alone and I am proud to say, that with God's help, I made it through. I know there are many on here who are just at the beginning of the road, but trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even though some days it is very dim - trust me it is still there. Good luck to everyone on here and thank you to everyone who gave me advice and a shoulder to cry on many many times.<P>I will keep you all in my thoughts and my prayers.<P>