The lady that I have been seeing wanted to have "THE" talk about where our relationship is going. It looks like it is going no where.<P>She said she can't see a future for us, based on our child rearing differences. She also said she doesn't want to lead our kids on by letting them think that we may have a future when she doesn't think we do. She is probably right.<P>Its funny in looking at our differences> She thinks I am too lenient and I think she is too tough. But she lets her kids sleep with her, I never do.<P>She said she was in a long term relationship prior to me and when she realized it wasn't going to work she broke it off. She said her kids were very attached to the man and she doesn't want to do that again. <P>I don't want to do that to my kids either. Its funnny too in that she's the one that kept including the kids in everything.<P>I think her biggest fear would that she would not be number one in my life, that my kids would and that her kids would fall below that. I guess that is a reasonable fear, and one I hadn't thought about.<P>Maybe I'm too fresh from the divorce. She has been divorced/separated about 10 yrs.<P>This really sucks!!!!<P>Maybe TS has it right.

Of course your kids would be number one in your life. Fatherhood is the most important thing you will ever do. For me, anyway, the quality of the relationship between a father and his children is the most important characteristic of a man. Whatever faults I may have thought my H had, I always thought he was a devoted father (until he completely changed after he left), and any faults were unimportant when weighed against that.<P>I can not imagine a woman being so selfish as to think a man should put her above his children. I realize that people like that do exist, however. Why would anyone choose to start a relationship with someone who did not put his responsibility to his kids above all else?

RWD,<BR>I'm sorry to hear of this news. At least you can be thankful that if she felt your relationship was not right that she decided to end it now and not in another 10 years. Stay out there and have fun. Maybe it's just time to sew some oats you know?

RWD,<P>Sorry to read what you must be going through. You just got through the divorce and now this. From what I have read, it is best to keep the kids out of your dating picture until you know the other person is a 'keeper'.<P>Next time (there will be one!) strive to keep your kids and who you are dating separate. Hard, I know! This could save alot of hurt feelings and confusion on both sides if it didn't work out between the two of you.<P>Keep your kids number one. The right lady, if she is a lady, will understand.<P>Ragamuffin

Hi RWD,<P>Sorry to hear what you are going through. Rejection sucks bigtime, and each time has its own sting.<P>I'm new to the board, but not to divorce and life after divorce. Had to stay single for nine years after the split. I tried to keep my social life separate from the kids, but they often figured it out, and in a couple cases even figured out who the ladies were. The cold hard truth of it is that relationships come and relationships go, but the kids are forever. When the lovers are gone and only memories remain, the kids are still there for me. They are the only source of unconditional love I've ever known. Took a long time to find a gal who could live with that. <P>One gal hit me with an appropriate one liner. Said she had kissed an awful lot of toads before one of them turned into a prince. <P>Keep your spirits up. We are all pulling and praying for you.<P>Bumper

Bob,<P>so you were seeing her as a friend? and she was dating? separated 10 years? how old are her kids?<P>practice, practice, practice masters the skill!<BR>a good experience to learn from. What could you have changed in the beginning that would have prevented any hurt feelings if it didn't work? You learn the most from failure. What could you have done better in the dating scene?<P>tom<P><BR>

What I say is raise your children the way that is comfortable for you and them. I am not willing to adopt discipline strategies that I do not like just to please someone else. WHo may or may not like how I do things.<P>The right person for your family will come along eventually. <P>terentia

thl,<BR>We were/are dating. She was not seeing anyone else and neither was I. Her boys are 13 and 12. We had started spending a lot of time together. Her x lives in another state and only see the kids every few months. I would spend a lot of time at her place when my kids were at my x's. We also did somethings with the kids, like Sat we went to a Halloween party at her sisters with her kids and my s, while my d went to another party. <P>In looking at it today, I think she thought it was unusual that I didn't have my d go with us and also that I drive her to the party she was going to instead of having someone else drive. She felt that I was always putting the kids first and not taking time for my self.<P>I guess thats peoples perceptions. While I do a lot for my kids, I don't feel it is out of the ordinary, especially being a single parent. I want to be involved in my kids life. One of my d's friends was with us from Fri evening till I took her to the party too on Sat nite and then she was trying to find a ride home. She is from a broken home too and her mother has remarried. I'm not sure if she lives with her mother or father. BUt where were they? I knew my d got to the party on time and at the right place and how she was getting home.<P>My friend's kids also go to a private school, so there are less kids to know. My d is extremely popular and is always getting invited to parties. She has the good sense to not go to most of them. <P>As for doing something different, I will again try to not to introduce the kids into the equation. I think I read somewhere, have the relationship for 1 year, then introduce the kids for 1 year and then think about marriage.<P>This certainly has stirred up a lot of questions in my head!!!!<P>