This is the first time I've visited this page. I've looked over some of the messages and I hope that someone can help me.<p>I've been married for almost 9 years. I got married my Senior year in High School and had a baby on my graduation day. I feel that my husband and I have truly beaten the odds. Most kids that get married right out of high school or close to it usually are divorced after a couple of years. He was 20 and had been out of high school two years when we got married.<p>We have overcome a lot of odds and been through a lot in the last 9 years. We now have two children, eight and four, and love them both very much. And I really believe that somewhere down deep inside, we still love each other the way we did when we got married. But we're just not happy anymore. A lot of our problems have to do with sex. My sex drive just isn't as strong as my husbands is and it causes a lot of arguements. This is not the only thing we argue about, but it causes the worst arguements that we have. The way things are, is that we both work. Like I said, we have two young boys and by the time we get home, cook, clean up, do homework with our oldest and try to spend a little time with them, it's 10:00 at night. Plus my husband HAS to watch the sports report on the news every night, which isn't until 10:25 or so. So by the time he's wanting sex, I'm usually asleep. Then he gets mad and gets really ugly with me. So of course, I feel like it's all my fault and I have to make up for it. So after his two or three days of being very rude and cold towards me, I have to plan a sexy evening to satisfy him. Not to mention the fact that my four year old is a night owl and sometimes doesn't go to sleep himself till 11:00 or later.<p>Can someone give me some advice on how to stay up at night to satisfy his need. Will vitamins work? Caffeine does nothing for me. It's like I'm immune to it or something.<p>Please help! I'm at my wit's end. We have been fighting for three days now because of this!<p>Thank you.<br>Misty

misty,<p>First off, stop being so hard on yourself. You DO NOT deserve all the blame. My situation is similar to your, two kids, married 10 years, sex not satisfactory for us( i want it alot, she, almost never). <p>However, I do help out alot with MY kids ! I emphasize MY because I take a very active roll in our childrens' development. I don't believe it is a Mom's duty only; neither should you or your husband. With both parents working, as opposed to our parents generation, where the wife was home all day tending to the working husbands' every need, things are very different today. You need to open your husband's eyes up to these facts !!! Doesn't he want to be proud of his boys when they grow up to be good adults ? <p>Well, let him know that you need his help in raising them. & he can really feel good about HIS kids !!!<p>Life with two little ones is not easy; we're always running to dance class or the next sports event, not to mention relatives, friends etc. This puts a BIG damper on ones sex drive, especially if one feels her/ his spouse isn't helping !!<p>Sounds like you need to bring BOTH of you up to the 90's & realize that it's a joint effort. Is he open to this ? do you/ he have any friends that you can point to to use as an example ?<p>I for one really enjoy being "Mr. Mom" after a long day at corporate America, putting up with all the crappy politics !! Maybe you can convince him to try it sometime , then you guys can find some time for each other once again.<p>Good Luck !!<br>Nick<br>

Nick,<p>Thanks for the reply. I hope I didn't make it sound as if he was lazy or didn't help with the kids. He does. Usually he gets them dressed in the mornings and ready to go to school/sitter. Then in the evenings, we share a lot of the housework. He does dishes, washes clothes, etc. It's just that we can't ever find the time when we are both in the mood.<p>I just wanted to make sure that I clarified that he's not a lazy, let mom do everything kind of guy.<p>Thanks again.<br>Misty

Misty, I have to agree with Nick - that you don't deserve all the blame - nor should you be the only one to work on a solution to this problem. Get creative - BOTH of you.<p>After reading your post I do have a small (very small) suggestion, but it might help. Sometimes when my husband is very sexually demanding and I'm wanting desperately to watch ER (the one hour of TV I try to watch!) I can find a compromise by taping it and watching it the next day. I know that with a sports report he is wanting up to the minute info, but could he sleep if he watched it (minus the commercials) by getting up a half hour early in the morning and watching the tape?<p>Seems like he is the one asking YOU to do all the bending. No need to change your name to Gumby. Even if he taped it once or twice a week it would give you two some time.<p>As far as your oldest child going to sleep on the late side, you might want to get him up a little earlier/get him a bit more fresh air or exercise - whatever will make him sleepier earlier! (We parents have to be slick!!) Failing that, turn up the music in your bedroom and tell him you two need some time of your own. He's growing up - he'll get the message and be proud that his mom and dad are "doing it" - trust me - I have four teenage boys (15,16,17,19) - I speak from experience!!<p>My husband and I have VERY different sex drives. The older I get (43 at the moment) the more I find that my sex drive fluctuates a LOT. Sometimes I'm really in the mood, sometimes I'm "sort of" in the mood and sometimes there's just no way. My husband is ALWAYS in the mood! <p>We've done a lot of work - are still working - on this issue. We have good days and bad days and lately they've been stretching into more good days than bad ones. He knows that I need a lot more "space" than he does and he is trying hard to accommodate my feelings. That helps me in turn to try to accommodate his and be more cuddly/affectionate/sexual when he wants to be.<p>Don't know if my suggestion will work for you. I tend to be a person who looks for practical solutions. Sometimes they are small things but they can really help. In any case, I wish you the best - <p>Cath