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#673779 11/01/00 08:13 PM
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Just curious... you mentioned traveling in another post. How much to you feel that contributed to your D? I am on the road 3-4 weeks a month with crazy schedules...(I rarely get on the departing plane that I was originally scheduled). Not right now, but if he decides to work this out, I am considering finding another job to stay at home more... Not sure if I will be able to make the same amount of money, but I am willing to cut back on some of my vices to make this work??? Just curious as to your opinion of the hardships of travel in a relationship/marriage?

#673780 11/01/00 08:46 PM
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It's not the travel, it's how you behave when you're home. I wasn't meeting my STBX's EN's while I was home, so consequently, she found another outlet to meet them. She said she actually started looking forward to me leaving.<P>I offered to switch careers, but by the time I found out I had a problem, my marriage was over. Of course now, I need to travel my A$$ off so I can pay for the settlement of the dissolution of a marriage I have no interest in ending. (vent, vent)<P>I like my job. I'd have hated to give it up to save an un-salvagable marriage. I have a pretty exciting carreer (many near death experiences [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] ) It pays extremely well for the actual amount of overall effort expended. I get to travel to exotic locations. And it provides a varied day-to-day work experience.<P>Plus the beer-with-buddies stories are a blast. I can't imagine a regular job. It'd probably kill me.<P>Not sure if this was any help, but it felt good to vent.<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited November 01, 2000).]

#673781 11/01/00 10:41 PM
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Nick,<BR>I saw from your profile that you had listed Systems Analyst under occupation and I have seen you mention computers before. What exactly that you do with computers? Are you more of the network guru, programmer/coder type, web/Java applications, etc....I'm just curious as I wear several hats at the job I'm current with. <P>My actual title is a System Support Analyst IV which basically means that I am second level support on a help desk for a National Building supply company. I am a liaison between the field employees and the programmers when it comes to business system related issues. I am also the administrator over one software package which is used by all stores across the country. My job consists of more, but I am mainly in the call center arena at this point. I still enjoy it, but am thinking of moving on. I would like to get more involved in networking or workstation services, but would probably need more education to get very far.<P>Anyway, I was curious as to what my fellow alumni was involved with.<P>How 'bout them 'Hawks? Did you happen to catch any of the game tonight?<BR>

#673782 11/01/00 11:14 PM
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Is there something about working with computers that causes divorces??? I am an applications engineer myself.... Maybe I really should reconsider careers.. And yes I am pretty sure he actually looks forward to me leaving as well. Ditto on the exotic locations.... I do love my job and yes I also need the money... Took this job and almost doubled my salary... The hours suck sometimes .. (I am headed to client site in about 10 minutes to do a midnight upgrade), but the upside is that I am pretty much my own boss when I am onsite and I work with a great bunch of people... Oh yeah... and the beer outings aren't bad either... Particularly on the company tab.. <BR>BTW Jayhawk... I had no formal education when my company recruited me. I had worked with them in the form of a System Administrator for a couple of years with their system and they figured I knew what I was doing and the rest is history...

#673783 11/01/00 11:46 PM
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Midnight upgrade???? Sounds like you should be writing in the other post [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Seriously though, I figure if I land with a decent company that they would be willing to train me for their needs. My formal education is a degree in Advertising from the School of Journalism at KU. How I ended up in the IS industry out of Journalism, well that's another story!

#673784 11/02/00 12:24 AM
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123 I feel my stbx traveling in his job had much to do with demise of our mariage. True, we didn't deposit into each others accounts very well when tegether, but almost impossible when the majority of married life is spent elsewhere. I got to resent the adjustments the family made when he was at home with us. Of course the fact that the OW was his travel agent didn't help any. However, if he had been willing to try to save our relationship, trust would have been a very hard issue for me. You have to be much more trusting when the spouse is away often. On the up side my kids adjusted well to their dad being gone. Said he was never home anyway. Next serious relationship will not be with a traveling man!

#673785 11/02/00 01:48 AM
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Yep on the midnight upgrade... Just got all of our systems shut down and turned it over to the hardware guys to do their stuff... <BR>I will be on call and monitoring throughout the night then onsite very early in the am until late tomorrow night... <BR>As for ending up in the IS industry, I know the feeling. Computers always fascinated me but I never thought that I would end up with a job in the software industry for a major company... <BR>Jame- As far as the travel goes.. You are right, I spent way too much time when I was home complaining about everything that wasn't done and ended up working my behind off instead of taking time out for him. I have learned a hard lesson though. I will keep my job due to finances now, but might consider a change in a few years. The trust issue has been hard, but not any harder because I was on the road.. We were both in "high risk" jobs for affairs before, but we have talked about it and both decided long ago that if we felt the "urge" we didn't want to hurt each other and would be honest enough to call it quits. I can't say that I haven't considered getting some needs met elsewhere, but I have never acted on it since being married. I don't believe that he has either.

#673786 11/02/00 06:53 AM
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Actually Systems Analyst was the closest they could come up with. I do a little hardware & software work, network stuff & some other rather esoteric applications specifically related to the military.<P>I basically provide warfare analysis support to the military during their training exercises.<P>Missed the the game. Hmmmm The William Allen White School of Journalism to IS. Well I got my degree in History & now I do warfare analysis. I'm trying to move my career more to the IS side. The upside of my travel is beaucoup overtime, but I'm getting tired of humping equipment all over the world. Unfortunately I'm still addicted to the rush of a cat shot & getting to play with all the cool toys the military has, so I'm not pushing too hard.<P>I never thought about getting my needs met while I was away from home, but it seems like she did. Now that I know it's over, I'm throwing myself back into my job & I'm taking all the assignments I can. She's agreed to take care of my son when I'm gone & I need to get out and clear my head. I've been home for 90 days now & that's the longest for me in 10 years. Besides, replacing everything that she took with her is going to take some doing. I need to hire an interior decorator [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again


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