Last night my H told me that he was leaving town (he's moving to Atlanta) early in the morning on Monday instead of Tues. because it is such a long (11 hour drive). I said that it's not 11 hours to Atlanta from Orlando(last time I checked.) He paused and said that he was going somewhere else first. Long story short he is visiting a young girl whom he had feelings for during our marriage. They have been talking and he considers them dating. He swears that he did not have an affair or that she did not influence his decision to leave. What do you think? Look at the facts:<BR>1) he had a picture in his desk in Jan/Feb; said he was drawing a charcoal picture for her<BR>2) she called him at home (our home) becuase her brother was in the hospital and she was upset--more than once<BR>3) after he moved out, I found a strange phone # on the phone bill (hers)<BR>4) three days after he left he told me that he had almost become romantically involved with someone (as if that's ok) at work. He refused to tell me her name or confirm that it was her because that "would be betraying her friendship" and she is a good friend<BR>5) he was visibly upset when she moved away to college ("A good friend just moved away to college. Boo hoo."<BR>6)Three days after she moved he fed me a line about wanting to reconcile (and for those of you who have read some of my earlier posts, this was the breaking point. I believed him and we discussed counseling, etc. He "admitted" to hagning out with her during our separation because he thought our marriage was over. Funny, he only told me that he was still on the fence about it wanting a divorce. Usually between late night sex visits. And he kissed her on the cheek. His new "honesty" was supposed to be comforting for me.<BR>7) During our brief reconciliation period, he was reluctant to break all ties with her because she was a good friend and she had been there for him through things. Eventually he wrote her a letter telling her not to contact him and that he was getting back together with me. He claims she did not contact him until a few weeks ago. <BR>6) He takes a trip to the Carolinas for a conference. She is in school there. After arguments and guarantees from him that he was not seeing here there, he returns after a week with the clarity that he wants a divorce. No turning b ack.<BR>7) He is now going 5 hours out of his way to visit her because they are officially "seeing each other." Now it's supposed to be ok. He claims that he did not betray me and that he was so evasive about his upcoming trip because he knew what bad, false things I would think. Duh! <BR>

I'm being blunt here,<P>no kids, hook him! he is sol flaky, he is not worth reconciling with. Let him go to find his own way through life.<P>sorry for your pain, lots of us have had the same pain, it will take time, but you will be better off in the end than now!<P>tom<BR>

gsd,<P>I'm sorry <P>Listen, I'm a little pressed for time now, but I will post again later.<P>Jayhawk

gsd,<P>Ok I’m back. I can’t tell you what to do in regard to your marriage, but we can analyze a few things. Now let’s look at the facts here (men operate more on facts you know). I went back and read some of our post from last week and it seems to me that you still love and care for your husband, but the marriage had its issues. You thought the divorce was absolutely the wrong thing to do, but do you still feel that way with this new information in front of you? Your husband sounds immature, irresponsible and a little out of touch with reality. You have a career, you are the main bread-winner and you are responsible. <P>Fact: You deserve more.<P>I don’t care what your husband says about himself and the young college coed not being involved in the past. Maybe they weren’t physically, but the emotional tie had to be there. If it wasn’t, I don’t think he would have been upset when she moved. I don’t know his reasons for moving to Atlanta now, but has he ever been on his own to take care of himself? Like me, you married young and you have been the head of your house. You know what the real world is like, maybe it’s time that he learns this for himself. That’s how I feel about my wife now. <P>Fact: I know being on her own is an eye-opening experience for her, but it will make her a better person in the long run.<P>You said that he discussed being on the fence about the divorce between late night sex visits. I’m sorry, but if he continued to come over and visit just for sex when you were having marital issues, then he wasn’t too concerned with saving the marriage. A real man would step away from the sex and would visit you just to enjoy your company and to work on the marriage issues. <P>Fact: Late night booty calls are just lust.<P>From what I have read, I think you have handled things pretty well. You have been mature, you have been in control and you are starting to see a life for yourself after the marriage. You have even met a man whose company you seem to enjoy. I hope that is still going well for you and if it is, don’t the news of your husband’s escapades change the course of your new relationship. If you haven’t already, don’t speed up the physical part just to get back or to get even with your husband. Revenge sex is not the answer. <P>Fact: It might be fun, but is it what you really want?<P>The next step I would take would be a call to your attorney just to cover you’re a**. Unfortunately, you never know how people are going to change once the divorce process begins. Just having an attorney waiting in the wings is not a bad thing. <P>I hate to sound negative about this man, but I tend to agree with Tom. You don’t have kids and he is flaky. He does not deserve you.<P>Jayhawk<BR>

Yikes! Ready for this: he was supposed to come by on Sunday eve. to drop off some of my stuff. He called on Friday eve. and left a message that he would be coming by tomorrow (Sat.) to do it becuase he had a change of plans. I waited until 9:30 (he was supposed to ocme by at 6:30) and he never showed. He madea big hoopla about saying goodbye too. He never came by on Sunday and noone picked up his phone. He called last night (SUn.) at 11:30 to tell me that his brother would be dropping off my stuff. I was asleep and groggy so I signed off before I realized what had happened. My caller id had a North Carolina #. I called it back and got a recording. It was her cell phone. How much nerve does it take?

I apologize if this is harsh, but what an ***hole!<P>And I don't think it's 'nerve' he displayed, I beleive he is a coward.<p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited November 06, 2000).]

My H is dating but denying it a younger girl than him (nearer our daughters age) He has now decided after 22yrs of marraige I am boring!! It is a real kick in the teeth and i wish the sick feeling in my stomach would go away, one consolation, I am loosing weight! I want what you wanted, no lies only the truth. Why is that so hard, am I asking too much?<P><P>------------------<BR>karen