Because I'm a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.<P>Because I'm a guy, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road-service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.<P>Because I'm a guy, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.<P>Because I'm a guy, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu." <BR>For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine <BR>hygiene product" is a euphemism.<P>Because I'm a guy, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this <BR>will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.<P>Because I'm a guy, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger - how the heck could HE know where we're going?<P>Because I'm a guy, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or sports, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.<P>Because I'm a guy, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?<P>Because I'm a guy, I am capable of announcing, "one more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?<P>Because I'm a guy, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.<P>Because I'm a guy, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.<P>Because I'm a guy and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.<P>

Because I'm the guy, all marital problems are your fault. If you _____ed then we wouldn't be having these problems.<P>John Wayne movies, football games, and the History Channel are the only reasons we have cable. For the television to be turned on for any other reason is foolish. When the television is off, we're living "The Husband Show." I write the script, I call the shots, jump to it.<P>I mow the yard in the summer so that equals out to all the housework, laundry, shopping, cooking, taxi service for the children, school functions, homework help, children's sport functions, decorating for the holidays, bill paying and check book balancing, etc. that anyone else does. I make more money therefore I am more valuable, all my efforts are for my career.<P>I can have an affair. I ask forgiveness when she sends you a letter telling you of our relationship. To keep you, I end it, temporarily. Subject dropped. Don't bother me with your pain.<P>Lies are permissible and even sanctioned by God if the truth would hurt you or make you angry. I don't want to deal with it.<P>My mother is a saint. She can say or do anything to you. Don't say anything about what she has done has hurt you. You have no right.<P>My family is perfect. So what if they only call to borrow money. So what if they have multiple marriages, bums for kids, don't work, and are socially retarded. Hey, your cousin only got a Bachelor's degree, what about his master's? They go to church but it's only for social reasons. They have a nice life but I bet they're in debt to their ears.<P>Ok, dear husband. It's somebody else's turn to deal with you. I give you your wings. Fly, fly away. Let that piece of trash wh*** have you. Let her know true misery. You can raise her son while she cheats on you and then will you know what I've been through. It's your turn to live what you've put us through. Hell, pure and simple. Good-bye.