This is something I experience from time to time, ususally waking up at night or early in the morning. I guess it's pure denial at times, but I'm wondering how many others feel this.<P>It's been almost 5 months since D day and service of complaint.<P>Anyone else experience disbelief?

yes, although it is getting easier. I told my STBX when this whole crap started, it was surreal at the least!<P>like walking around, and there is fog everywhere, and the lights are always dull and turned down, as if you are in a thriller movie. and everywhere you turn, you not sure what skeleton jumps out of what closet.<P>yep, slowly leaving that place, but very slowly!

Oh, yes, definately. Once in a while, I will wake up and not remember everything that has happened. It's like 14yo habit--I'll roll over in the morning and no one is there, and for one brief second I'm surprised. Then I remember.<P>The other times I experience disbelief is when I'm lonely and I can't believe it happened to me. <P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I'm not sure its disbelief or the fact that I just don't understand why. If I had beaten her, cheated on her, stayed drunk, ran out to bars, never worked, never helped with housework, abandoned her and our son, kept her in junk cars and ragged clothes, and been all in all a mean ole sob, then maybe all of this would have reason. Unfortunately, this was not the case. If anything, I spoiled her rotten and was too good too her. It is hard for me to understand how someone can take a very loving gift horse and kick the teeth clean out of it's head!!

LHC2,<P>Sounds familiar.... If you have the time, look for posts by me or by Jayhawk93 - you may be able to relate.<P>As for being in disbelief? The worst are the times I am sitting home and wonder what time she is coming home, then I realize that she has been gone for 7 months and is not coming home any time soon. Talk about sadness that comes out of "left field" and smacks you right in the face!<P>Mike

Amen to that, Brother Mike!<P> <P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I think I will always look back in disbeleif.. because I was/am a firm beleiver in the FACT that there is nothing two people can`t concur..<P>

I am so deep in denial sometimes i can't even concentrate..........the fog is like mud. my h is still in our house, we are getting a divorce the kids and i will be moving after the New Year. We are kind to each other, and i keep thinking he will come to his senses and change his mind....its all so complicated, it is going to happen i need to somehow except that and make some plans,<BR>i am stucck. thanks for listening, friends

I'm right there with you all. <P>It doesn't happen as often, but I still have days when I can't stop crying (it's been a year since D-day) and can't <I>believe</I> that this happened.<P>I've just come thru a weekend like that and it still feels just as horrible as it did the day I found out. <P>All I can do is keep seeking God. If it wasn't for Him, I'd have offed myself long ago. <P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited November 07, 2000).]

still there with the disbelief, this was never going to happen to me (or him come to that) but it has. Coping is what I say, I am getting to be such a good liar (though not as good as him!!)<P>------------------<BR>karen

Whenever I just sit for a moment and think about our life together, the phrase, "what the **** happened" always comes to mind. I don't think I will ever be able to get past the feeling of disbelief when I think about us. However, time is helping with this and I am beginning to move on and put this behind me.<P>I still catch myself driving up the street and looking at our driveway to see if my wife's car is there, but we're into month 5 and still no car.....

Im with you Mrs.O. Beth

I discoved the affair in February--it had been going on since November of 1998--and I came back home to my mother's house from Japan, where my husband was stationed. I never really meant to "leave." I just wanted to think about it for a couple of weeks while I visited my family. I ended up staying, after many many hostile conversations over the phone where I was basically blamed for everything that had happened.<P>I have left behind what I consider to be my home. My posessions. My friends. My house. My church--everything.<P>Up until about 3 weeks ago, I would wake up in my bed, half asleep, half coherent, and think "I am not really here, and this is not really happening--it's just a dream. My husband did not cheat on me, he did not fall in love with another woman and sleep with her. . .I am not really in a bed at my mother's house, half a world away from him. My husband still loves me. He is still the man I fell in love with, big, tall, strong, pretty blue eyes, thick grey hair. He's still all mine, and my little boy's, and there is no such person as Miss Kitty. . ."<P>Then I would sit up, and that icky black feeling would overcome me for a awhile until I got moving. . .<P>I moved to my own apartment 3 1/2 weeks ago, and the first couple of days were miserable. I hate moving as it is--being in the military, I have done it countless times. But this time, after having e-mailed my husband to tell him "this is it--I am signing the lease" I had this feeling of "permanence." This is it. It's over and done.<P>And now I am past all this, believe it or not. The only thing that wakes me up now are the telemarketers (yeah, I work nightshift, and no, I don't need any magazines) that have gotten ahold of my new number or my kitty cat asking to be fed. It's a big relief, and a miracle that I detached myself. It had to be done, or else I would have gone crazy.<P>There are rare occasions these days where I wonder if I will ever see him again, and I feel a pain inside. But I can't let this pain get the best of me--I have to keep going for my kid and for myself.

Bernzini,<P>The waking up part in the night is so spooky. I first awaken to see the wonderful redecorating job we did in our bedroom a little over a year ago. I sit there and have nery a thought of my predicament. Suddenly it hits me, like a low thud. My W is not in my bed, or even down the hall in the guest room where she spent her last six months here before leaving 5 weeks ago. My D's room sits alone with the stenciling, what furbies and books my W deemed should stay here, and there is a deep forboding that then takes over. I hear her voice, "You're so good to me..."<P>Then I realize, "forget it", think about work, think only about daughter...."<P>It is comparable to losing a loved one to death...so I've heard...only death is definite and has a reason....

yeah, waking up at night really sucks because you are disoriented--your brain is working overtime to fool you. It is strange that I dream constantly about my spouse, and in my dreams, I can even hear his voice and smell his aftershave. This doesn't help much.<P>Isn't it strange how one can walk away from the home that they have so lovingly built, the decorating and personal touches as you have described (and leave you to look at it everyday and everynight.) I am sorry that you are left with this memory. It must really hurt<P>

I agree with each and every one of you.<P>Most specifically, the comment <P>"what the .... happened" A year and a half on, and I still have no idea. It gets easier some days, and harder others. But most days, all I have is "what the ...... happened?"<P>Also the comment about 2 people being able to deal with anything. My problem is, he's happy where he is and doesn't want to deal with anything where I am concerned.. He's on his 5th girlfriend since I left, and she could be serious!!! He does tell me that.<P>anyway, my 0.02c worth. Actually, even less what with the exchange rate the way it is!!!<BR>