Does anyone know how long you can go without sex , and still be sane?<P><BR>I guess after being married for 15 years it wasnt something I gave alot of thought to. Sex life wasnt great for the last 3 years, only once a month or so, but I think I could count on one hand the number of times we had sex this Year !!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Sorry if it was an innapropriate question

I guess that all depends on you.<BR>I didn't find going "without" very difficult. My ex and i actually had a wonderful intimate relationship. (frequency and style).<P>In the last 17 months my ex has a regular partner for about the last 15 of those 17 months.<P>Myself i had 2 one nighters within the first 3 months after discussing separation. Since then i haen't been with anyone else except my ex.<P>-oddly enough<BR>

I agree that it would have to depend on the individual. The longest I ever went between relationships was 2 years, but I survived. <P>Then the dry spell was broken by a one night stand. <P>Not something I'm proud of, but it happened.

Bad subject!!!! When I found out he was moving, I "advised" him that I was at least going to get it while he was still here since it will be a long time before there will be anyone else!!! I only have a few days left. I almost feel sorry for him!!!

I figured I am good for awhile...... I never really felt any satisfaction from "sex" we had in the last several years anyway, because it was never , never a chance for intimacy, just a moment when at least I felt like a person.

Blindsided, <P><BR>I cant even imagine wanting sex with him right now........we had a night in August when I was so emotionally drained and despondent over the situation.....and a couple of margaritas helped that we had what he called a "special moment" I am sure for him it was, but unfortunatly, I did not feel a connection at all, and I wanted to so badly. If I hadnt waited so long to seek proffesional help, and could have made him see how awful our relationship had gotten , for me........ I think it could maybe have been worked through.

Well, I guess I'll be the one to bear the bad news. Yup, I'm emotionally healthy - especially given what x put me through - and I am living proof that you can live through a lot of time without. <P>X was sexually anorexic. He could do it. He just didn't want to. So, if I made scheduled the game and lead the warm-up exercises, he would agree to play. Bad sports analogy but use your imagination. If that doesn't work, he would perform if I scheduled it and initiated. We didn't do this real often because a woman just gets tired of doing all the pursuing especially if you've been married over 15 years. <P>Well, I five years, yes five years, until I met someone with whom there was major and I do mean major chemistry. Now all that chemistry has caused him to end of guilt and I have no idea if he'll ever call again. <P>Yup, I have a healthy sex drive and all the parts still work. It was sort of like riding a bicycle. And I never went the battery route.<P>

Are you sure it's still like getting on a bicycle?<P>There's alot of things I can't do at 40+ that I could do at 30, like touch my toes from a standing position, and tying my shoes in the morning without putting them on a chair and bending down to them (basically I can't pull my feet high enough to touch my hands)<P>so are you sure the equipment will still work? I happened to see a porn picture on the internet, and nothing happened!<P>after 10 months, i would have figured it would work quicker, but now I am not sure it works at all! AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! now this is worth killing once self over!<P>WIFTT

How many of you are going through this? I was married for 17 years. I wouod say for at least 14 of the 17 years I couldn't have cared less for sex. I think that is pretty normal for women in their 20's with young kids. Anyway what really pisses me off is that now he finds somebody else when I'm finally starting to want sex again. I mean he had some damn good sex the months before he dropped the bomb on our lives. He swears he will never have sex that was that good again but he needed a change. Yeah whatever, but where does that leave me? I just wish he would have done this 10 years ago when I would have loved to live like a nun. <P>Jill

I believe people can go for a long time without sex, it's the sanity part I'm worried about! Either I'm starting to get Alzheimers, I'm entering menopause, or I've been too long with sexual deprivation! AAAAAAAArrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!<P>Okay, seriously, it has been months since the last time we even held hands, so I'm trying for a new world record. I am not a battery kind of girl, and I don't want to be a one night stand kind of girl either, so I guess, for now, frustration is where I'll be mentally and physically. <P>CJ<P>BTW, you don't fool me, WIFTT! You are still young enough to enjoy the benefits of a physical "thing"--you just have had your mind in "NO" mode for a while! I would be willng to bet that when the time comes, and things are right, and you're free to enjoy it, everything will function within normal working perimeters! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I'm just starting to get afraid of the Dark Shadows where<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> if you don't use it, you lose it. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>After now realizing that what I thought used to be pretty good sex, turns out to be rather drab compared to most people here, and especially if you read "passionate marriage."<P>so NO mode is to protect myself from being arrested, and to protect myself from being embarrassed!<P>WIFTTy<p>[This message has been edited by WhenIfindthetime (edited November 11, 2000).]

I have to say, our sex life was fair...... but I dont have all that much to compare it to. I do know that as I have stated on here before, when you have a communication problem in your marriage, it involves all aspects of your marriage especially sex !!!!!!<P>I guess going without isnt a huge deal, you can learn to live without it, I would rather have a strong relationship that was mutually rewarding, and have great sex. I have read a million books on all this stuff while going through this divorce thing, and something that I read that really struck a chord with me was If you are having trouble with sex, inability to have an orgasm, etc. That in and of itself is not a huge problem, It is the lack of ability to talk about it that is the problem. In my marriage, the subject of sex was never discussed outside of the bedroom, or in the bedroom. I am a pretty 90's chick, ha ha ha..and dont have any hangups, but my husband never ever made me feel like I could talk to him about it. I cant beleive that after 15 years of marriage, and 3 children together, I would feel embarrased to discuss it. just thought I would add that in here.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nikkilynn2:<BR><B>It is the lack of ability to talk about it that is the problem. In my marriage, the subject of sex was never discussed outside of the bedroom, or in the bedroom. I cant beleive that after 15 years of marriage, and 3 children together, I would feel embarrased to discuss it. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hi Nikkilynn,<P>You're in some pretty good company. There are a whole bunch of us around that to some degree are embarrased to discuss IT with a spouse.<BR> <BR>I've always had this fantasy that if I could have been a Don Juan, (believe me I'm not), that I would have wanted to love a woman the way she wanted to be loved. After a lifetime of listening to women talk about relationships, I've never heard one say she felt that way toward her husband, or any man.<P>I've spent a lifetime being afraid of how a wife would react if I told her who I really am, what I really feel, and what I really need. Always afraid she would show displeasure, make a scene, show scorn and contempt, ridicule and embarass me in front of her friends, or just outright reject me. <P>Women are the practical ones, they realize that love is not enough. Men are the romantics, the dreamers, and the fools who go down into the mines where they dig for diamonds to lay at the feet of women.<P>So cheer up! You may be unique, but so is everyone else! <BR>

I never could get my x to talk about it. Not what felt good. Not about fantasies. Nothing. Don't know what happened to him. Don't feel too sorry for his new wife. She was older and should have been smarter.<P>Yup - WIFTT, it was like riding a bike. I was surprised by how good it was too. BTW, I can touch my toes with my knees straight. <P>

You know, nikkilynn2, you have hit upon a very, VERY important point. Although the physical act can be very pleasurable and all, I think the part that causes me insanity is the loss of connecting to someone. I can think of many interesting and innovative ways to "do the deed", but I can not think of too many ways to get the intimate connection and express it. <P>Yup, most definately. The part I really miss and long for is the connection, not the "Big O". <P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

The bit O is good. The connection is better. You're right, CJ!

Yes, sex is wonderful, while it lasts (no offense guys ) but I went years of having "sex" and trying to figure out why I felt so empty even though it was ok sex. It was because it was a "deed"................not a time to come together for intimacy. Lets face it we all have times where sex becomes a need, and that is ok ..but a steady diet of it can really hurt.

That's why I always tried to differentiate between having sex & making love. The two are not the same. One is a lot of fun, and the other completes you emotionally with another person.<P>I like them both, but I miss the latter. <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Amen, brother Nick.<P> <P>Does anybody remember that "Anticipation" song? Besides me, that is. Anticipation is making me wait...it's keeping me waiting.<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Actually, the last time I brought the subject up, and I said that our sex life was very unfulfilling to me, she actually started yelling at me, and ran from the room.<P>And this was after what she told me she needed, and I tried for three months to give her what she asked for, to the best of my abilities, and alot of stressful events occurred right at the same time, so that it is hard to isolate the cause and effect of the events.<P>But to start a discussion about our physical relationship, which needs to follow the HNHN, and non-LB stuff, and have your spouse run away screaming, I think it means we had some major communication issues. <P>However, when I brought this conversation up about 1 year later, she couldn't remember it, and said she didn't even realize what she had done. <P>Learning Point, i now require any SO, or amily relationship to be able to discuss any topic calmly and with thought. If you can't do it, don't expect me to spend any serious time with you.<P>WIFTTy