I humbly say that I am an exception to all of these. Yet, many of them describe my darling W.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jamie-lee:<BR><B>Okay, I thought this way hilarious... A friend of mine sent this to me and I just had to share! <P>MEN<BR> <BR>Men are like...Laxatives - They irritate the **** out of you.<BR>Men are like...Bananas - The older they get, the less firm they are.<BR>Men are like...Vacations - They never seem to be long enough.<BR>Men are like...Bank Machines - Once they withdraw they lose interest.<BR>Men are like...Weather - Nothing can be done to change either one of them.<BR>Men are like...Blenders - You need one, but you're not quite sure why.<BR>Men are like...Cement - After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.<BR>Men are like...Chocolate Bars - Sweet, smooth and usually head right for the hips.<BR>Men are like...Commercials - You can't believe a word they say.<BR>Men are like...Department Stores - Their clothes should always be half off.<BR>Men are like...Government bonds - They take so long to mature.<BR>Men are like...Horoscopes - They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.<BR>Men are like...Lawn Mowers - If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.<BR>Men are like...Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion.<BR>Men are like...Popcorn - They satisfy you, but only for a little while.<BR>Men are like...Snowstorms - You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how Long he will last.<P><BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

I wasn't gone Mitzi, but I'm going now. <P>I will leave you with the following to ponder........<P>SEMINARS FOR FEMALES<P>Are You Ready to Leave?: Definition of the Word YES <P>Appropriate Rhetorical Questions (formerly titled "Honey, Do I Look Fat?") <P>Elementary Map Reading <P>Crying and Law Enforcement <P>Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR <P>You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours <P>Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast <P>The Seven-Outfit Week <P>PMS:It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine ("It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty: Deal With it") <P>Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmission <P>Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights <P>Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed <P>Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water <P>Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament <P>Telephone Translations (formerly titled "Me Too Equals I Love You") <P>How to Earn Your Own Money <P>Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good") <P>Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side <P>Know When to Say When: The Limits of Makeup <P>Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry <P>We Forget Birthdays, You Forget Sports Stats: LET'S LET IT DROP <P>MYOB: Proper Response to Other Couple's Public Arguments <P>Yes, You Can Fill Up With Your Own Petrol <P>Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels <P>What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy <P>His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too <P>His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out <P>Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock") <P>To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do" <P>Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House <P>Your Mate: Selfish [censored], or Victimized Sensitive Man? <BR>

Ok Jayhawk! I guess I'm gonna have to do some searching of my own and see what I can come up with! <P>Hey! Crying to get out of a ticket actually works! <P>Mitzi

I with you here Jayhawk, but you dont need any help. Looks like you've got this one under control. She tried hard to distract us with the jeans thing, but is now backing up in defense with a wondering mind.<P>Women...why can't you shoot them when you're through with them?<P>Beautiful women who know it...why aren't they made illegal or free to the public?<P>Marriage...legalized prostitution!!!!!

LHC,<P>Hey! We women use anything we can to distract men! And sometimes it doesn't take much! <P>Shooting us would be such a waste! We have so much to offer that it's hard to ever be done with us!<P>Mitzi

You're right Mitzi, bullets are way too expensive.LOL<P>It's 4 on 1 here, can you handle it?????<P>Now it's really OH WOW!!

Oh I don't think so! Jayhawk already left and Bill is easy to handle! LOL<P>I'm positive I can handle it! <P>Mitzi

OOOOOOKay,<BR>Let me get my head on straight--ya know some woman just got through screwing it up for me-- and I'll be more game ready.<BR>Then we'll see who surrenders<P>OK, need help here...how do ya put the smiles and frowns, etc.. in your post?

OK, My turn...<P>Why bicycles are better than women:<P>The only protection you have to wear when riding your bicycle is a decent helmet.<P>Choosing a bike takes 30 minutes at the bike store, not six months hanging around singles bars.<P>You can ride a bike any day of the month.<P>Bikes don't get pregnant.<P>You can upgrade your bike, component by component, as you can afford it.<P>If you get tired of the way your bike looks, you can just paint it.<P>You get detailed specifications, before you buy.<P>You can share your bike with friends.<P>Your bike doesn't come with in-laws.<P>Bikes don't care how many other bikes you have ridden.<P>Bikes can't use your credit card or crash your Porche.<P>You can spend as little money on your bike as you feel like.<P>Bikes don't blather on about astrology in front of your buddies.<P>You can show your buddies the oversize tubing and high-end components without having to recite the bike's name.<P>The name is printed on the frame in nice big letters in case you forget.<P>Bikes don't whine unless something is really wrong.<P>You can impress your buddies with the quality of your bike by letting them take it for test ride.<P>A bike stays lubricated for two weeks.<P>Bike curves never sag.<P>If your bicycle goes flat you can fix it in under a minute.<P>If your bike is too loose you can tighten it.<P>You can drink beer and ride your bike.<P>A bike can't call you at work or bother you after you discard it.<P>You can make sure that nobody will steal your bike simply by using a $45 contraption when it's left on its own.<P>If somebody does steals your bike, the police put them in jail.<P>If someone steals your bike, you can get a better one the very next day.<P>You get money when you ditch an old bike.<P>If you say things to your bike you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.<P>Bikes won't insult you if you are a bad rider.<P>Bikes don't care if you are late.<P>Bikes don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.<P>Bikes only gain weight if you do.<P>You don't have to take a shower before riding your bike.<P>There are bikes that are designed to be ridden by two people at once.<P>If you feel like standing up and really cranking hard, your bike barely makes a peep.<P>You can choose your bike from a catalog.<P>You can test ride every bike in the store before you make your decision.<P>People like you better if you have ridden far and frequently.<P>You can adjust the riding position in 1 mm increments until it's completely comfortable to ride for days on end.<P>There are public riding competitions, and you can get sponsored to compete if your riding is good enough.<P>If your day job is to ride different bikes all day long for money, people think it's cool.<P>One word: training.<P>If you get tired of your bike, you can just dump it and get a shiny new 2001 model instead, without getting sued to support the brake levers until they rust.<P>You can ride a bike for three years without feeling like you have to keep it until you die.<P>You can always get to be the first one to ever ride a given bike.<P>You can ride your Bicycle the first time you see it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.<P>Even an old guy can buy a shiny new bike, and the bike'll never know the difference.<P>Any day that you feel perky enough for some physical activity, you can be 100% sure you'll perform.<P>You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.<P>If you're riding your bike, and you see a buddy and decide to stop for a chat, the bike will be ready where you left off.<P>You can have as many bikes at once as you feel like.<P>Bicycles don't get headaches.<P>You don't have to deal with little bikes suddenly appearing, and if they do, you can just dump them in the recycling bin.<P>If anything doesn't work the way you want, you can get it fixed at the local bike shop for $24.95.<P>If you don't bother to maintain your bike for three years, you just have to drop it off at the bike shop with $24.95 to make everything better.<P>You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.<P>Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other bicycles.<P>When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.<P>Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you discard it.<P>If you get a new bike you don't have to keep sending money to the old one.<P>You can tell at a glance if a bike accepts male riders, female riders, or both.<P>You can always spend more to have the biggest equipment on the block.<P> <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

LOL LOL LOL LOL<P>BUT...bicycles are less fun than women!!!!!!!<P><BR>Mitzi

Okay people----- Can't we all just get along???? <P>No???<P>I didn't think so.<P>Okay then, I know that I said I would be nicer on this site. You men are not all that bad (You're not all that good either), but you are not that bad. But, well, I have to add this in. Sorry. -Java<P>MEN ARE LIKE...<P>animals -messy but they make great pets <P>computers - hard to figure out and never have enough memory <P>crystal -some look real good, but you can still see right thru them <P>firemen -no matter what they're doing they can be ready to respond in minutes <P>instant potatoes -easy to make anytime <P>noodles -they're always in hot water, they lack taste <P>plungers -they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom <P>restaurants -you have to wait a half-hour or more for seconds <P>rivers -the largest part is their mouths <P>theories -they hardly ever work <P>trucks -so much of the time, they have a load on <P>spray paint -one squeeze and they're all over you <P>thunderstorms -you never know when they're coming <P>TV's -you can turn them on instantly <P>weather -nothing at all can be done to change either one of them

Uh oh, think I'm outnumbered, again...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

c00ker, I would have thought that you would have liked to be out numbered by women.<P> <P>Java

Java!!!<P>YIPPEE!! I finally have some help! <P>Hope you guys know that we're just having fun. You all are good guys! <P>Mitzi

It all depends on what they've got me outnumbered for... <P>And yes Mitzi women are way more fun than bikes. Their seats are way more comfortable for sure <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Nick,<P>I kinda thought you might see things my way! <P>Mitzi

Nick,<P>No fraternizing with the enemy

Oh my, I've been gone and look what I come back to,lol. <P>Yeah cooker you can say they recruited me <P><P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Jayhawk,<P>Leave Nick alone!! <P>He can fraternize with whomever he wants! <P><BR>Jamie-Lee,<P>See what you started?? <P>Mitzi <BR>

Sorry guys, been out of it for a few days, but here's one for you ladies. <P>Facts About Women<BR>1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.<P>2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.<P>3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand". <P>4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.<P>5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.<BR>6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.<P>7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful. <BR>8. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested. <P>9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved. <P>10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people. <P>11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip. <P>12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling. <P>13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch. <P>14. Women think all beer is the same. <P>15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. <P>16. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest. <P>17. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things *could* be.<P>18. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day. <P>19. Women brush their hair *before* bed. <P>21. Women are paid less than men, except for Modeling. <P>22. Women are *never* wrong. Apologizing is the mans responsibility, "It's there in the bible". hmmm who was it that gave Adam the apple?<P>23. Women do *not* know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?" <P>24. Women have better rest rooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. <P>25. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. <P>26. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. <P>27. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will callthe same friend and they will talk for three hours. <P>28. A woman will dress up to go shopping, to water the plants, to empty the garbage, to answer the phone, to read a book, or to get the mail. <P>30. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. <P>31. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?' <P>32. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Punish My Spouse. ) <P>33. The first naked man that woman see is "Ken". <P>34. If it is not Valentines day, and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?" <P>35. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. <P>36. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn. <P>37. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language. <P>38. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women. <P>39. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading. <P>40a All women are overweight by definition, don't argue with them about it. <P>40b All women are overweight by definition, don't agree with them about it. <P>43. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good china". <P> Jax.<P><BR>