My H has now left to stay with friends over the christmas holiday period (he will be away for almost 3 weeks). <br>He is staying with friends in the US so the opportunity is there to see the OW. I asked him if he was going to see her, he replied 'I'm not planning to'. I asked what's that supposed to mean, and he said that he was being honest with me, and he is not planning to see her. I suppose that's the best I can hope for at the moment.<br>Well, before he left we had a small talk about us, and I don't know whether to hope or not.<br>I asked him if he thought the separation was the right thing to do. He said yes, that it was flushing a lot of things out, that he doesn't hate me anymore (well I suppose that's a start).<br>I asked him if it was doing what he thought it would, was he missing me. He didn't exactly say yes, but he did say that he had been thinking about me a lot.<br>I also said I was thinking about our early Christmases, when we first knew each other, and how much in love we were.<br>He said that since then I had turned into someone who hated herself (which he sees as the root of our problems), and that he is waiting for me to turn into someone who doesn't hate herself. Do you think this should give me hope? And do you think I should believe him when he says he is not planning to see her? He says he won't lie to me anymore, but I don't know.<br>Thanks for listening<br>Bev

Bev,<p>I wish I had more to offer you other than a listening ear (or eye as the case may be ). I think what is important here is for you to work on yourself. You have taken some huge steps in becoming independant and more confident. I think he is seeing these steps but as we have seen, it is human nature to doubt that the changes are permanent and will stay. I would believe him because doubt can make things worse. I don't think he would have any reason to lie to you now that it is all out. Take care of yourself. Find things that will make you happy. Let him know that you would like things to work out but it will not destroy you if they don't. It is good that he doesn't hate you. We all go through that emotional rollercoaster. My prayers are with you. <p>Steph

Steph,<br>Thanks for your reply. I know my situation is not entirely hopeless, as my H has not asked for a permanent separation. He says he wouldn't be doing this if he had no intention of us getting back together, and if he didn't think his feelings would come back.<br>I just hope he misses me over Christmas (this is our first Christmas apart since 1988)<br>Bev