Fine guys, you want to play like that.... <P><BR>Why do so many women fake orgasm? <BR>--Because so many men fake foreplay. <P>Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. <P>How can you tell soap operas are fictional? <BR>--In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed. <P>How does a man show he's planning for the Future? <BR>--He buys two cases of beer instead of one.<P>Why do men name their penises? <BR>--Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions. <P>Why do men like masturbation? <BR>--Its sex with someone they love. <P>How many men does it take to pop popcorn? <BR>--Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove. <P>How do men sort their laundry? <BR>--"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". <P>How can you tell if a man is aroused? <BR>--He's breathing. <P>What does a man consider a seven course meal? <BR>--A hot dog and a six pack. <P>-Java

Oh, ouch, ouch, ouch!!!<P>Guys? Fight's on. Feel free to jump in anytime here <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

25 Things Women Want To Hear In 2000 <P>1. Gee Sweetheart, let's skip dinner tonight.<BR>The only thing I'm hungry for is you.<P>2. Wow, I just don't know what to do with<BR>this money we won in the lottery, so why<BR>don't you take it to the mall and see if you<BR>can find something to buy with it.<P>3. Hey, how about inviting your mother to<BR>spend the summer with us.<P>4. Oh, go ahead and eat that third piece of<BR>chocolate cream pie. If it's one thing I hate<BR>it's skinny women.<P>5. What luck, they had a special rental rate<BR>at the video store on romance movies.<P>6. How about I give you a nice massage and<BR>foot rub. I really don't like sex that much anyway.<BR> 7. You know, that Pam Anderson just doesn't<BR>seem to have the brain power that I find so<BR>attractive in a woman.<P>8. What a break, I won a prize on the <BR>radio station ... tickets to either the <BR>super bowl or the opening of the New York Ballet. I got first choice so pack your bags for New York, we get to go to the ballet!!!<P>9. Be careful Darling...don't let it go too far down your throat.<P>10. Who wants to play golf when I can get<BR>to see how good the lawn looks when it's<BR>freshly mowed.<P>11. While your up Sweetheart, can you get<BR>me a glass of water. I think I've had enough<BR>beer.<P>12. Shoot, there's nothing on TV but football<BR>games. Let's go furniture shopping.<P>13. There ought to be a law against those<BR>porno movies. Can you believe that there are<BR>guys that would actually want their wives to<BR>do those things they show?<P>14. Man I tell you, nothing feels better than<BR>getting all spruced up in a suit and tie.<P>15. I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?<P>16. You know, I think I'd really prefer the<BR>four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.<P>17. Look at that ... disgusting. Why would<BR>she wear a short skirt like that with no panties?<P>18. Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a service station to ask for directions.<P>19. My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why<BR>don't you use the money my parents gave us<BR>to get something nice for the house.<P>20. If the guys call and want me to go to that new strip club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.<P>21. You know Sweetheart, I'm really glad you<BR>don't like doing all those dirty things they write about in those stupid sex advice columns.<P> 22. Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.<P>23. If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.<P>24. You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.<P>25. Here, you take the remote...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again<P><p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited November 17, 2000).]