I hate feeling this way. I lost it today can't quit crying. By myself, but I can't stand feeling so sad. All I want is for things to be back to normal.

You can cry on my shoulder if I can cry on yours. I've been crying today too.<P>Upside? It must be depression. That must mean we're getting closer to acceptance where we won't hurt so much anymore.<P>There is no going back to normal for me. I can only go forward to normal.

Hi there. I had many days of crying fits myself, but it does get better. It is defiantely part of the depression and is completely normal.<P>I know it sucks right now, but it does get better. Sometimes crying is the most helpful, cleansing thing you can do. If you feel it coming on, just let it go.<P>Holding it in is not going to help you in the long run.<P>-Jayhawk

{{{{{{{{{{blindsided123}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm sorry you are having to go through this. This is the most painful thing any human being can go through and it takes a long time to get over. I haven't, yet.<P>You are supposed to feel sad. It hurts and it makes you cry. I still cry about this myself. As time goes on, you'll notice that the downs aren't as bad or as long, but again, it takes time. <P>Something you should be aware of are the other symptoms of Situational Depression, which is what you may be going through during this. They are: decreased appetite and weight loss, sleep problems and an inability to focus mentally. I went through all of this and it was pretty rough. If it gets really bad, you may want to see your doctor. There are things out there that can help, if you need them.<P>Take care. We've all been through it. I'm sure the biggest reason I've made it this far is the support I've gotten from my friends in here. They have really helped me. A lot. <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Thanks all of you guys!!! Today is another day and hopefully it will be better. Tomorrow morning will be it. I leave for SC and he leaves for another house. I am going to try and see him for at least a few minutes when he gets up this afternoon. Yesterday he said he wanted us to go out to lunch or something. I will try and hold it together and keep the conversation light. <BR>Yesterday was hard I think because a few of my family and lots of friends went out to watch a football game (something we used to all do together) and I missed him so much. I started to go to a Jazz festival, but couldnt bring myself to go without him....<BR> <BR>Father of 1, Husband of 0- You are always welcome to cry on my shoulder!! I would have been lost weeks ago if it weren't for the kindness of strangers.

{{{{{Blindsided123}}}}}<BR>{{{{{Father of 1 Husband of 0}}}}}<BR>{{{{{cOOker}}}}}<BR>{{{{{Jayhawk}}}}}<P>Been there, done that, survived. Be sure you take care of yourself. Cooker is right, sometimes it is appropriate to see the doctor for medication to help you get through this. Better living through well-managed chemistry is a good thing. Trust me on that one. It's nothing to be ashamed of if you end up in the Dr.'s office with depression. I've been there twice and it truly was what I needed. When depressing situations go on too long, the depression can become chemical and it can be eased. It doesn't take away the situation it just helps you cope with life and its challenges.<P>Take care, everyone. {{{{{{{{{General HUG for all}}}}}}}}}

Hi,<BR>I have had my days to believe me but they are coming less and less. I have noticed that I am now able to think of things other than my stbx and what he has done to our lives. I am trying to make the holidays as happy and positive for the kids as I can. What makes it hard is that I and the kids moved out of the house we owned and stbx and ow and her kids now live there. That is the hardest pill for me toi swallow that she is living in my house but even that is getting less painful. It does get better just try to think of each new day as a new adventure. Life is to short to let this get you down.<P>Jill

I am in the same boat but I have a problem with crying.I am having a problem today and for the past week due to having a court date tomorrow and I dont wont to be losing the wife. I wish I could go back to a year ago and stop any of this from happening.

{{{{{{{{Back at all of you}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Boy, today was harder than I thought it would be, I am now in Spartanburg, SC. My H dropped me off at the airport this morning. Looks at me (while I am on the very verge of tears), and says "It will be alright". I just wanted to scream. "What?? My life!! You have trashed my hopes, my dreams, and brought all of my fears to life." He actually wants to pick me up on Friday when I fly back in. So that he can drop me off at the house he moved out of this week while I am gone. That will surely be fun. Oh, and the lastest and greatest of news. I found out last night that he is/was?? (I don't know anymore) planning on moving a friend of his and her 3 kids in with him and his daughter in the new house!!! I was calm about it (sort of) when I found out (and no, not by him). I couldn't believe it!! I know that there is nothing going on between them. (I HAVE to believe that for now.), but it still almost killed me to think of another woman living in the same house as him. When I asked him about it, he at first said that he would honor my wishes, but I felt like he started hedging on that towards the end of the conversation. I wish I could stay mad instead of just being so hurt. I feel like I am doing better sometimes, but then I get hit with something else and it all comes back. I am still going to hold on to the hope that with time and space things will get better. I decided that I will not call him and let him take the lead from here on out since he is the one moving. Any advice on that???? <P>Thanks again to all. You guys are the best!

I think maybe you should consider plan "B". It sounds an awful lot like what I'm going through right now, although she got her own apartment & is living alone (as far as I know). I very rarely call her & when I do, it's about my son, or the Sep. Agreement. I'm always to the point and don't linger. No I love you's miss you's or any of that. It's really hard, but letting go is the only way the pain started to get better for me. <P>This is not what I want, but all the plan A I'm doing now is for me. My plan A is learning to be self sufficient and able to survive without her.<P>It hurts and it's not fair, but you need to make sure that you heal and get better. Sometimes letting go is the only way to do that. Notice I didn't say give up.<P>{{{{{{{{{{blindsided123}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Thanks c00ker-<BR> I have thought about going towards plan B, but right now I am just not ready. I am getting some really confusing signals from him all of the time. Example- he called me this morning when he got home, then called again at lunch. Said he would call me this evening sometime as well... Go figure. Conversations are relatively light, not sure where they are going. I really do hope and pray that we can get back on track. I am willing to "date" him for awhile and see where that goes. (It is an option I tossed out to him). I am still not sure what he is thinking right now. He always ends our conversations with "I love you". I have always responded in kind. I broke down last night and said "I miss you", I got it back in return. I have no idea if he is just saying these things or if they mean anything?? <BR>Had a good conversation with my mother last night who is fighting with being angry and hurt because of what he has done. They have always loved him very much and thought how wonderful he was. I want them to still feel that way. I dont want any hard feelings either way. He is a good person in general, just very confused I think??? I told her what I said above about not knowing why he is saying things to me like "I love you". She has asked the same thing???? I told her that maybe she should talk to him as I cannot get a "real" (in my opinion) answer and dont really know what to believe. When I spoke with him earlier he wasn't sure if he would be able to get out of my house tonight or tomorrow.. I will know later. Gosh I wish it were never!!! But I am also looking at the up side to this. There are/were obviously some serious communications problems between us and hopefully this whole horrible situation will start to clear the air some. I have realized things now that I am/was unhappy about also. I just overlooked them and they would have probably led to me wanting a divorce eventually by not ever dealing with them. Now, if we want a chance, we have to deal with them. So, there may even be a silver lining.. (Just hard to see through all the clouds...) <BR>Back to the Plan A, Plan B thing... I have backed off pretty much completely... He is initiating all contact and calls. I certainly respond when he does, but I have discontinued to be the aggressor. I guess when/if the phone calls and contact cease then and only then will I consider Plan B. I got into this for a lifetime and right now my mindset is that if it takes a lifetime to "fix" this, then I am willing to wait. I am sure that time will change some of those beliefs as I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone... <BR>Sorry these posts are so long!!!

Well, <BR>Here goes my counselling pitch <P>I think if you guys are still saying it, than there is some feeling left on both your sides. Ask him to go to counselling with you. Try the EN & LB questionaires. Find out what each other likes and do it. Fin out what it is you both dislike, and don't do it.<P>Sounds really simple, but it seems like you may have caught this one before either of you made it to withdrawl. Have a real heart to heart with him. I think you two can make this work, if both of you try.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Thanks again... I needed to hear that. As for a heart to heart. I have tried. Right now he is in withdrawl as far as that goes. I am still hoping and have asked that we go to some joint counselling no matter what the outcome seems to be. Right now he is in emotional shutdown as far as feeling anything else. Says he loves me, etc, but not with much feeling. We were even physical the other day. It was great, but there wasn't any emotion really on his part. Almost seemed like there started to be, but he just shut it down. It was more like ?????? I don't even know how to explain it. <BR>Like I said earlier... I guess only time will tell and I have all the time in the world right now. I am following the old adage "If you love something let it go...." hopefully he will come back...