Thank you so much for replying to me.<P>Jayhawk - you're so right, I have done everything I possibly can throughout the last 18 months. I have understood why this all happened, I really do know why, I have accepted, and I have forgiven. I could not have been more understanding, or accommodating.<BR>But someone else with my children on such a regular basis, when he doesn't even have his divorce signed yet, where the hell is his head at???????? I know the answer to that too!!!!!!!!!<BR>Yep, the alcohol, I'm very conscious of not using it as a crutch. Also, with my job I have an 8 hr curfew before sign on, and as I'm working most days at the moment that means that I don't drink much at all. Thank goodness. <BR>Thank you so much for your support, I need it more than ever at the moment.<P>Bellevue - Why are we so reasonable? We are so willing to believe them, to trust them, as to us, that is what marriage is all about. The conversation on the freeway would have had me spitting nails......... You did probably too.<BR>They just don't get it, do they? I am willing to let her have him (I have no choice in the matter) but where my children are concerned, I feel like a lioness at the moment. "come near my children and I'll rip your head off.........."<BR>The reality is that I have no choice. He has all the choices, and she is his choice.<BR>It's so sad about childhood memories. I'm determined to give my children happy childhood memories. Not materialistic ones, I don't have the money for that. But I do have the time to invest in their futures. And I do have the inclination to do so. I always read them a bedtime story. Always, every night. However, when they ask for another story, and I have the laundry to do, or the dishes to do, or the cleaning to do, guess what, they can go to hell. A story with my children comes first..... That is what they will remember. That mummy had time for them.<BR>I'm glad you came to your senses, became more sanguine...... Aren't they precious...... NOT. !!!!!!!!!!!<P>RWD - Oh boy, married. I don't know what to say. My H keeps saying that this girl could be serious (were the other 4 before her!!)<BR>I guess you and I, and all the others here, just have to keep swallowing. It makes me sick to my stomach. But you know what, what goes around comes around. I believe that with all my heart. That's not to say that I sit here and wish him harm, or bad luck, but someday, something will hit him out of the blue and make him realise what has happened here. It will for you to, and your ex-w. She will realise what has happened, and what she has thrown away.<BR>A wonderful, wonderful man.<P>WIFTT - I'm so with you. I can't figure anything anymore. And I hate what is happening to my children. My baby (2 1/2) doesn't know any different, but my 5 1/2 yo knows everything. She's 5 going on 45 !!!!!!!<BR>At least we have each other. I often ask myself - who does he have to help him get through this?????<P>DanaB - that hug was the best thing that happened to me today. Thank you so much.<BR>My H says that marriage has never been discussed, and I think I believe him. Do I need to see a shrink here??????????????<BR>I know he is hurting too, and while he thinks this girl is serious, and she quite possibly could be, I don't believe he is thinking of marriage. But then again, that could be my Christmas present,,,,,,, guess what honey, I'm getting married..........<BR>You're so right, if they want someone who has done all these things, without dealing with them the right way, good luck to them. They won't change the essense of the people concerned.<BR>I'm with you, I'm tired of this nightmare, I want to wake up. My divorce goes through Dec 5th, and I'm at the stage where I'm almost welcoming it. I want it to be over. I'm tired of him and what he does to me.<P>I still don't know what OW is doing, and he refuses to believe that she is doing anything wrong or untoward. Surprise surprise. I just have to wait, give him what he wants (unlimited access to his children) and see what pans out.<BR>thanks so much for your hugs, I need them so much right now.<P>Jo<BR>